Thursday, September 30, 2010

Anjaana Anjaani- Reviewed

Hehe! Got you again! You thought I am from The Thubai or The Amreeka and saw it before hand. No, no???

So jisse pehle you find your emotions played with, lemme tell you I haven’t seen it. This, as has been done before, is just another of my advance reviews….you we can check that we have both seen the same trailers and interpreted it correctly…..or something like that….however you like to think of it that is........

Know what the problem with movies aaj kal is? They give away too much in the promos leaving very little scope for surprises. That basically means you end up shelling a minimum of 250 bucks (inclusive of snacks and parking), to watch a rubber band version of what you had already seen on MTV a hundred times. If you watch 9XM then that’s probably two hundred times…official sponsors as they are.

Right right…the review….So this is what happens…the anjaana ladka meets the anjaani ladki (Am I smart or what!)
Haa so when they meet…girl acts pricy, guy acts flirty….become the boyfriend and the gulphrend......all well till they get stuck together…..on a road trip. Old school romance follows. If two people must fall in love, they have to be sent on a trip. Somehow no other formula works better. Also, if the heroine must run, it should be on a bridge alone. Running on stairs or normal streets with traffic is just too down market. Plus a heart wrenching number in the background is mandatory. Cheese! Films are so filmy!

Anyway so they annoy each other initially, then an hour down they find those exact same annoying things cute after which, predictably may I add, looouuvve ho gaya! Enter problems… in... ummm can’t say cos I need to leave someee suspense for you na *read- I dunno. Haven’t figured the reason yet*.…hence the classic dialogue….. ‘tum anjaane hi ache the’ and they part ways. Ranbir’s dil tootofies, he goes gaga over Pinky ji. She, in what seems like a wedding dress goes running running full speed main to meet him. Finally project milaap takes place and happy ending. Tadaaa! Get up from your seat and proceed to the exit door thank you. And throw all your kachra in the trashcan please. I am very particular about it haa.

On the whole there is absolutely nothing that stands out about the movie or the stars. Ranbir looks alright (he always does), Priyanka in my opinion looks better with tresses…. Aalishaaa song was the first and last time she got a thumbs up from me. This time round, she’s not beautiful, not pretty…cuteish maybe.

As for the music, my fevrett was Tumse hi Tumse which gets an above average score. I Feel Good seems well picturized and as for rest of them, they didn’t really catch on very well with me. And yes, contrary to majority opinion, I didn’t like Hairat at all!!

All in all, fullto time pass movie, a little out of tide due to the Ayodhya thingy delay. Considering the only competitors in sight are Jhoota hi Sahi and Robot, looks like this one’s going to be a riding success*.
*Tamil Nadu not included cos of Rajnikanth mania…..more on that on another bright sunny day. Till then toodles!

Bas karo!

Pak gayi. Thak gayi….Here’s a countdown of the current tamaasha’s grabbing spotlight...all doled into one post.

1- Commonwealth games- The event by itself is a ten day ordeal but attention over its detailing seems to have stretched for what seems like over a year now. So people ate up a lot of money from it. Hello we are Indians? We live in joint families and get paid peanuts! That’s why getting a government job is considered so cool in the first place......Did we not know this simple fact? Why are we so ‘bhaunchakka’? The public reaction and dismay seems as though we just lost Rahul Gandhi to a Kenyan bride! Main poochti hoo why should we take the blame of doing a shoddy job? We are a third world country and if the phorener log are unaware of that, then they are just plain ignorant and stoopid! Not our fault that they didn’t have our kind of CBSE education now, is it?

2- Munni badnaam hui- Tune into any music station, any music channel, any time of the day and there it is. Even zandu balm and chaini chaini commercials have not been spared. Yes Malaika hot hot, thank you very much but being a girl it becomes rather difficult to appreciate this form of emm…art! And I have a question. Why is jhandu spelt as zandu anyway? Is it supposed to sound more sophisticated like that?

3- Facebook Likes- When FB timelines are not flooded with CWG updates, it is with stuff like-:

- I love my mom (Oh yeah?)

- I want to talk to you but I don’t want to call you. (Fine! Apne phone ko paani main dubaa do!)

- All these ‘likes’ are starting to tell my whole life story (You think so? Then freaking STOP now!!!)

If that’s not enough, there are even quizzes that get bizarre by the micro second! ‘What do moles on your body mean’. KYA?? Allow me to explain. Hate to say this jaani, but they sadly mean that you must be umm... pretty UGLY!

4- Ayodhya bhaai log- I do believe that justice must be served but at what cost is the question. For a country that can vote hands down for someone like Varun Gandhi, it’s pretty evident that religion is still an emotional matter for some gawaar log. To an everyday mango person, I doubt it has any utility, but for fear of another riot erupting that could burn lives and public money, good or bad, frankly I don’t think we need it. And thanx to this hungaama I missed out on watching Anjaana Anjaani too....Life’s unfair! :-(

5- Doing the “fraandsheeps”- Too much of anything can get rather annoying. So goes for this word. In my opinion the word ‘friendship’ seems to have evaporated from our dictionaries! Everyone uses the new desi version and worse, each one of them finds it unique and hilarious.....The next time I hear someone saying it, I just might pull every single hair on their head and say... “Arey don’t mind baba. After all we are fraands no!”

6- And the last straw, Karan Johar movies- Aaaahh! Bachaao! First Kurbaan, now We Are Family. For every good movie that comes from his production house, it’s followed by two mind numbing torturous penalties. We are Family is just about the movie that may want you to disown your family and go into sanyaas. My take- Kajol was a good actress. Really good. Then this terrible thing happened...she grew old! DEAL WITH IT! Music score card- all time low! Next time round, puhleezzz cut us some slack.

Wednesday, September 29, 2010

Insaaf bhi andhaa hota hai??

They say when in doubt, Google it. *Me thinks, when in doubt about what to write, Rakhi Sawant it!*

The lasteshttt news and views have been raving about her new reality show....Rakhi ka Insaaf! Whatever happened to the show where she was supposed to appear as Mother Mary? Oh ok ok....she may not have suited the role. Duh! Anyway. In her own words she says, "Mujhe kanooni daav pech nahi aate, I just know how to think from my heart”.

Ok first of all, what is this whole chakkar of thinking from the heart? Blame it on NCERT if you like, but they did a pretty good job of drilling into us that heart is the organ that pumps blood alone. Andd Wikipedia seems to confirm that for me.

All along there was this Bollywood mumbo jumbo of ‘apne dil ki suno aur phir sab thik ho jayega’.....I mean how is listening to your heartbeat going to solve a problem? Yet another doubt, how can you put your ear to your heart? Physically that is not quite possible! Course you could run a couple of staircases, be out of breath and thennn listen to it. Then again wouldn’t you be too tired? And what if in the middle of this technologically advanced science of problem solving, you relax and can’t hear it anymore? Wouldn’t that leave the problem piecemeal solved? Then what do you do? Run again?

But folks, all that is passĂ©. Miss Rakhi has broken all boundaries and taken it to a whole new level I say. Gone are the days of listening to monotonous dhak-dhak’s; the woman seems to have mastered the art of thinking from the heart! So now superheroes like Spiderman and Krishh can move over and give way to ‘Maatey’. Isn’t this cool? And unlike other superheroes, she doesn’t even need something to cover her face with! If you didn’t notice in the Swayamvar season, it’s her press her own forehead with her hand while ‘sharing’ her dukh dard with us, the eternally sympathetic janta. *Manoj Kumar type*

Now as we mere mortals are busy raking our brains for exams and other petty stuff, lawyers are busy mugging sections and case laws, this madam can just come around, think from her heart and sab jhamela solved! Tadaa! How convenient!

And she also claims to understand people’s problems better as she is an ‘aam ladki’ and an ‘aam ghar ki beti’......*me thinks another Mayawati in the making*. Whatever happened to aam ghar ki beti ke sanskaar? Since when did it become synonymous with item girls, cum drama queens, cum deserting your parents?

Course it only remains to be seen the extent of good that comes of this new naatak. My expectations don’t surge over drunk people beating their wives and Miss Rakhi, ‘solving’ that by wailing away stories of the classic ‘Maine bhi life main bohot dard sahey hai’. Or maybe Dimpy and Rahul ki Jodi can make good clients for her. Still better, she can hire the Emotional Atyachar team to rope in a few more ‘troubled’ souls who are in need of her ‘guidance’!

As her mumma dearest pointed out in Bigg Boss triteeya, ‘Hey Prabhu! Rakhi ko aasees do’

Tuesday, September 14, 2010

Of Cruises and Sair Sapaata's

I have seen loads of pretty pictures of cruises and know those million lights in them and a glossy catalogue that does a show- off business of –Hey look we have a Jacuzzi- Oh we have a dance floor too.... nanana.....Oh bataana hi bhool gaye an upper deck cum five star hotel type rooms cum every kind of cuisine cum global passengers...and then like a statement of pity on our poor pathetic desi lives it will quote......hmm....*sigh*...Why don’t you join us?

*I mean attitude kisko bata raha hai huh?*...Ok truth is I probably wouldn’t be able to afford them (not to mention it’s a complete waste of time), but then again there is this whole bhankas theory of ‘It’s all about the experience deekra’ I decided to go for it. I mean the more affordable and short-cut version of a cruise (that is based on time management mantra).....if you still didn’t get it....I mean I went to Apollo Bandar and took the boat/ship or *I don’t really know what it was cos it seemed middle sized and nobody around looked educated enough to go all gaga over dimensions* from Gateway of India to the Ajanta caves.

To begin with, we took our seats on the fancy upper deck (after paying 10 roopyaa zyada for better ‘bhew’ ke liye)....and the majestic thing (like I said I dunno what it was) set sail...course there were the firangi’s who took a million pictures of the Taj (the hotel, dodo) and referred to a number of handbooks and read and pointed and posed and what not. Btw did you know theTaj is actually built ulta? As in the front side peeche and vice versa? Anddd hold on... the architect even committed suicide because of this emm error....I say how disgusting yaar!....Jaan deni hi thi to wife ke liye deta no? Ek building ke peeche?? Plus nobody can even tell the difference!...As you can already see my general knowledge from the trip stands visibly enhanced.

Coming back to the ‘cruise’, once we were steering through the not so clear waters, 10 minutes down and it started to drizzle...which is actually a good thing...I mean I can totally handle it....nice weather and all....and I must say the firangi’s were very well equipped for the rain. There was this lady who actually had a raincoat made of polythene! Yep this is where you heard it first. When we gareeb Indians are busy typing blog posts, these hard working phoreners are busy cutting polythene to match the size of their neck and hands. How cool! We never even thought of it...this is probably why we still are a developing country!

And now from phorener ben’s, over to the baba log...Yes I’m serious there was a baba too...all dressed up in saffron and rosary’s...anyway this guy wasn’t the regular baba, he was a high maintenance baba. How do I know? Easy! Cos all the time it was raining, there was this poor chap holding an umbrella for him (and simultaneously getting drenched)....anddd the baba was busy talking to another babu who didn’t have an umbrella but had to pretend like it was all ok. Sad no!

Oh yes the facet that I had completely overlooked was that a cruise actually meant water all around you and absolutely nothing else in the way.....Now I know there are people who feel the serenity and peace emanate from within themselves when one with nature .....

But blah! To be in the middle of soooo much nature is really not my thing....And then the worst happened...I got bored!! Same ‘bhew’!! Same rusted looking *humongous fatso type* ships. Same murky looking water ....Anddd I got hungry too!...*they didn’t have anything on board the ‘La Bombhay’ cos else I would have munched and happily forgotten everything*...And it started raining bullets so we had to come onto the ‘lower deck’ *10 bucks bhi wasted*.....needless to say everything went downhill from there.

After an hour and half, we reached ‘The caves’....Doubt. Didn’t they find any better place to put sculptures than inside a mountain, in a dark cave, bang in the middle of an ocean? I mean pardon me for questioning hundred year old frailties, but in my opinion that really is pretty dumb! I honestly fail to see what is soo romenteeekkk about the place. Apparently I don’t have any kind of taste for these ornate looking uhh ‘things’ rather than be stuck in a dungeon ...uhh cave...and get claustrophobic, definitely better to get back.....

Another two hours of...... ‘Oh look itna water!! serene...mmm bliss!’....and my friend got a bit sea sick (yeah my friends aren’t nature lovers either....birds of a feather?), after which we finallyyyy got back on land.....But that wasn’t without the ‘La Bombhay’ jerking me on shore with a whole lot of keechad uchaalna on my poor dress. (Surf Excel contributing too, by being ineffective in removing the stain, and thereby proving ki daag itneee bhi ache nahi hai.)

I loved it! Why? Cos this experience has been sohoooo good that I will probably never everrrr everrr dream of going by any mode of transport that take’s the aquatic for the money I was planning to save for a Titanic look alike...well I’m just going to have to blow it in the mall now! Ahh well! I think I’ll survive! :)

Saturday, September 4, 2010

Romance with the tides

This post has been published by me as a part of the Blog-a-Ton 14; the fourteenth edition of the online marathon of Bloggers; where we decide and we write. To be part of the next edition, visit and start following Blog-a-Ton.

I looked at myself in the mirror. Loaded with jewellery. Quite the delight of a burglar. The worth of all put together would make his entire life’s hard earnings outweighed by a few lakhs. The thought made me smile but this wasn’t quite the time for day dreaming. I squinted at my face and told myself *Cartoon lag rahi ho Milee!*. I fidgeted for a bit under the weight of the dress cum dupatta thingy cum jewellery and asked myself the same question for the millionth time ‘Log shaadi kyu karte hai!’ Course a girl over 22 must be well settled. I was 25. Hmm to the likes of Rinku aunty I was more of a spinster with a few very psycho ideas and the sooner I got packed and parcelled, the better.

I thought of Sameer. My fiancĂ©. Decent guy. I mean course. Why else would we be getting married? He was as perfect as they get. Come to think of it, I had never even seen him informally dressed. The same colors, the same talk of finances, politics and weather. He was nice. Really nice. Annoyingly, disturbingly and irritatingly nice. The problem? I didn’t love him. Not even close!

I had relentlessly told my family that I wasn’t ready for this kind of commitment. But nobody seemed to care. Instead they went into lengthy queries of the whole ‘There’s someone else right?’ and not succeeding, just sealed my fate with Sameer. Lack of love in an arranged marriage is apparently pretty fashionable. ‘Don’t worry beta, once you get married na, automatically you will love him.’ How can people automatically love each other? How can you train yourself like that? Just keeping my case as one in million, suppose I didn’t? Then what? My life’s wott to lag hi gayi. Still worse, Sameer’s life would come toppling over too. We would both be stuck together, me doing the sunte ho ji part and he doing the haa bolo bhargwaan part. The thought made my heart sink.

No I would not let it happen. And I did what I thought best in that instance. Sometimes you can’t choose between right and wrong. Sometimes you just need to focus on the present and avert the immediate disaster at hand. And that’s what I did.
I ran away. No letter, no explanation, no pangaa at all! Mumbai ko goodbye!

That was 3 years ago.

Now I have a successful career in Delhi. However, today all of the past seems to suddenly boil up inside me as I am going to visit Mumbai for the first time after three years. The thought of coming back brings in me a sense of guilt. I had fought tooth and nail with Jatin, my boss, to keep me out of this client meeting trip.... but it hadn’t worked. And there I was......RETURNING TO BASICS.....on my way back to the place I once called home....Mumbai!

As the meeting ended and our team of colleagues headed for lunch at the hotel, I came running and collided head on into a big burly guy.

The same face. Phitte muh!

I could tell that face any time of the day. The same serious expression. But something was different about Sameer. He seemed sprightly in an almost boyish kind of way.

He looked at me, and for a minute we just stared. He, with a hard stony stare. Me, with a guilt ridden God!- let- the-ground-split-open kind of stare.

And he said ‘Hi!’
‘Hey!’ I mumbled with a beet red face.
‘Here? How come! I thought you had moved to Delhi!’
‘Oh meeting and stuff’ I wanted the conversation to end right there and walk away, never to remember this moment again.
‘When are you leaving?’
‘Tomorrow morning.’
‘Ok then how about we meet up tonight!’

*Panic alert.....Puhleeez pick a good one from your list of excuses Mileeeee*

‘No, all of us office folks were planning to have dinner together and go to Nariman Point as well...Some other time maybe.’
*Tried my best*

‘Fine. You have dinner with your friends and I will take you to Nariman Point. C’mon, I think you owe me at least this much.’ He sounded rather wry but the last part of his sentence had a sad edge to it that made me feel worse than ever.

And there I was. Accepted to be on a walking and talking date with someone I had never wanted to meet and for the most part of it, didn’t even have the courage to face.

Later that evening, he picked me up at 9pm and we went to Nariman Point in his car, which meant roughly 15 minutes of rock silence. I was already starting to think of it as a stunningly bad idea. To think I had almostttt married this man! Who couldn’t say a syllable to a girl who had taken intensive labour upon herself to look nothing short of smashing!
And finally we got there.

The company may be bad but the location undeniably was awesome. *Sigh* What a waste! There is something about this place. It’s magic. Like all the world’s sorrows are left behind. All the vengeance of the tide comes crashing on the rocks and all that remains is a sense of pristine, pure, innocent freedom. And all in that moment, looking at the water gushing, I wanted to end this guilt. I wanted to apologise, but before I could, he suddenly asked the question for which I had mentally prepared a million answers, ‘So, why did you go?’

And I was blank. Somehow everything that had seemed right then, went to scrap now and it all came out in a spurt of tears, that had been pent up for so long,
‘I didn’t mean to hurt anyone. I didn’t love you. I wasn’t sure about anything. I told everyone but no one listened to me. I didn’t want to do this huge mistake and so I thought it best to go away.’

‘And leaving me like that to face so many judgmental eyes?’

I couldn’t bear to look at him. His voice gave away the humiliation it had been through and I felt miserable.
‘I’m sorry’ I said and looked in his eyes.
He said nothing. And then he put his arms around my shoulder. ‘Chalo chodo. Let’s forget it all. Come let’s walk.’

He had made it all so smooth! Made it disappear like something unimportant. I felt my heart reach out with warmth. Well with respect. Someone whom I had wronged for my selfishness was being gracious enough to let go of all scars from the past. In that moment, looking at him, I felt something in my heart flip. A new found admiration. More than admiration. Love maybe?

And we walked and walked and walked into the night. Balancing on the ledge of Marine Drive, took off our shoes and walked into the sands of Chowpatty, eating pani poori of God knows what unhygienic water....but we didn’t care. He laughed at my PJ’s and I teased him on what an awful.... that is to say, worse than Himesh Reshammiya singer he was.

‘Running race’ he said, ‘Let’s see who runs faster to that white line.’
‘Aaah!!! I got hurt! Wait, waittt!’ I shouted.
He turned to look back.
And I ran past him as he realised my brandist nautanki.
He ran after and boy did he run fast or what! He reached the line before me :(
‘Huh! Dekha cheating karke bhi haar gaye!’
‘But I won na!’
‘No you didn’t. I got here first!’
‘You got there first but I am the winner. Special advantage of being a ladki!’
He smiled.
That priceless smile!

And then it was time to go.
Which is when I realised....This was what I had wanted. Always! Here he was. I had him once. I let him slip away. I wouldn’t do it again!

‘I really liked being with you this evening. If I had seen this side of you, I would have never let you go’ I said, and almost choked.

He looked at me for several seconds.
And then, in the midst of all that kachra, he picked the least ugly looking sea-shell, went on one knee and said two simple words, ‘Be Mine!’

This time round, I didn’t mess it up! :)

Sometimes I used to think destiny is the term people give to justify a compromise. Maybe we think we are choosing it by not settling for lesser than the best. And whe we return to look at it, sometimes, just sometimes, maybe destiny already knows what needs to be chosen for us.

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