Friday, May 18, 2012

Switty tera pyaar!



Now I don’t know how long ago it was, so I’m guessing it would be safe to say, Once upon a time, in a land rather close to where I live, there was a beautiful princess named Laali *definitely more beautiful than the Fair and Lovely wali Didi, far more than Sonakshi Sinha and a little less than Katrina Kaif. You get the idea right?*. So yes, there lived a beautiful princess in a small castle *space constraints in Mumbai yaar....samjha karo!* with her evil ‘Baa’ and two vamp like ‘Jeeji-saa’s’.

As you may imagine, she was made to do all the household chores straight from cleaning her room, folding her hundred gowns to replacing her stilettos in the shoe rack. And if that was not bad enough, she even had to help herself by putting food on her own plate! Baa examined her every move making poor Laali miserable with the ever taunting monologues of ‘Hey Bhagwaan! Sasuraal main jaakar kya karogi?
So great was the torture Laali was made to endure, that she wasn’t even given a landline in her own room with which to connect to the internet and meet her Prince charming online.

Oh yes, I didn’t tell you about Prince Billowy. He was her blue-eyed hero, from the neighbouring country-that-must-not-be-mentioned *lest the Government thinks the narrator of this story is a terrorist or something* Well the Prince studied at a hi-fi college abroad and could barely afford to keep up with his family expenses despite his part time job at McDonalds. However if you must know, he loved Laali dearly. Now if only they could find a way to communicate, their long distance louvve story would be perfect.

The least bit of freedom Laali got was when Baa allowed her to use the wireless Relencia Net Connect. It is hardly a matter of surprise that she was allowed such a blasphemy because the company was owned by her rich and powerful uncle who spelt evil with his impossible to understand schemes, together with his sugar coated philanthropic wife. Laali was terrified of the duo, but this wasn’t quite the time to take sides.

As Laali held the Relencia Net Connect, tears of joy ran down her cheekoo face from the apprehension that surfaced on how she would greet her most adored Billowy.
Alas! This happiness was short lived. No sooner had they exchanged a few coy hello’s on Yooha! Messenger, her connection died out and no amount of reconnecting got her back online. She tried and tried and so great was her sadness that it accidentally made her hit the antenna which broke. Well that was the end. Neither sobbing, nor pleading at the customer care office would get them to fix the damn thing!

Laali was quickly running out of her pocket money. She examined the new schemes from Toto Photony Plus but they too would leave a big hole in her peach gown. Something had to be done, and fast, to save her love life from wreckage.
And right then, like a messiah in trodden times, like a Malabar Gold ad in a Tamil movie, like Chris Gayle in the IPL, like Shah Rukh Khan in Suraj hua maddham, like a fairy Godfather, there arose from the bleak dusty streets an announcement that held the solution to all her miseries.
Vodafone Mobile Internet @ Rs.98.
She stared in disbelief as her mind did a mental whoopiee cum Bhangra cum Macarena.
She keyed in the magic code of *121*98# and quick as lightning her internet pack was activated. Right then all her blues were brushed away like Kaala HIT on lurking mosquitoes *you kno na, ek macchar bhi dangerous hai*.

Her life was filled with sunny days of long chats over mobile Yooha! Messenger to conversations over Spyke. One click on her phone and they wrote on each other’s Wall’s, poked each other, played Scrabble, shared pictures and even live-tweeted their routines on the move. Staying connected was the key to their relationship.

When Billowy’s birthday arrived, Laali fretted over a funky-shunky gift to give to her sweetheart. Yet again, Vodafone Godfather came to her rescue by announcing it’s free for a month 3G internet service. So in the nick of time she made a video with red hearts, teddy bears and balloons that read soppy messages  *the kind of silly stuff that lovers find cute* and uploaded it over mobile Youtube. She was panic-stricken over how long it would take to upload but courtesy its 3G lightning speed, the video was uploaded even before the clock struck midnight. Oh so happy was Billowy that he immediately updated his Facebook status to ‘In a relationship with Laali’. I hear due to heavy traffic of comments on his page that day, his account was blocked.

And that’s not all. When Billowy came down with his Daddy dearest on the pretext of a vacation, Laali’s tinku jiya began to flutter again over how she would manage to have glowing twacha. Well well! No sooner had Voda Godfather heard this, he reduced his mobile internet tariff to just Rs.30 a month! With an hour of splurging the saved moolah on her Aloe Vera Ph-free, Sh-free Facial, she looked no less than an angel from heaven above.
The way things are going, with Voda Godfather’s aashirvaad, I presume this is going to be yet another happily-ever-after tale!
Tathaastu!
J

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