Saturday, July 23, 2011

Revenge





This post has been published by me as a part of the Blog-a-Ton 22; the twenty-second edition of the online marathon of Bloggers; where we decide and we write. To be part of the next edition, visit and start following Blog-a-Ton.



Thoda sa baadal
Thoda sa paani
Aur ek kahaani!


Some say watching the rain is eternally romantic. Living in Mahabaleshwar where it poured every five minutes, he found that hard to believe. A thousand tourists came in every year to watch the cold and rain only to settle in the warm confines of his neat little cafe.

Farhan was always a bit of a cleanliness freak and on one such rainy day as he tidied the showcases for little specks, entered an Iranian girl, rain drenched, dressed in shorts and chewing gum. That she wasn't geared for the rain didn't bother him as much as the mess her mud filled slippers had created on the freshly washed floor.

Placing her phone on an empty table she walked over to the counter and tapped it for his attention. As he handed her the menu card, she skipped to the dessert section and with an indifferent glance dismissed it with a vague 'Item no. 4 please!'
'Caramel! Would you like a chocolate topping to go with it instead?'
He looked back at her for an answer but she stared blankly at him, blew a small bubble of the gum in her mouth and turned away to be seated at her table.

Must have meant a ‘No’.
He hated pricey customers. He hated gum. He hated the gooey caramel on the order she had placed.

See that's the thing with caramel. It sticks and stays. Tingles.
But not chocolate. No, not that. Smooth. It flows. Subtle and yet lingers.

He placed the dessert on her table and tried to avoid watching her eat as she cupped her face in one hand and neatly savored bite after bite. Every little movement was in perfect grace.
'Beautiful!', he thought.

As she finished her little indulgence and signaled for the cheque, it occurred to him that once out of his cafe, he may never be able to see her again. For some unexplained reason that made him sad. Immensely upset. Like something sudden had to be done to rescue the fleeting moment.

He handed her the cheque folder with a comments card and in the most casual tone he could manage, lightly asked, 'Enjoyed your dessert I hope miss?' She looked up at him and nodded her head,
'You really want to know??' After a brief pause she continued, 'Look, I wanted real authentic caramel, not some artificial essence flavoring ok!'
The stern tone of her voice was something he would never forget.

Stared. Stammered. Apologized. Angry.
Dang!
He should have known nothing better would come his way. He hated snobs.

As he cleared the table and opened the cheque folder, the comments card lay on top with neat handwriting on the suggestions space that read-

'Staring at people when they eat is rude Mr.!
Nice little place you got here. Will drop by tomorrow so I can teach you how real caramel is made. Hope you're not a quick learner or anything.'
-Aleena


He smiled.
He loved the rain.
He loved the dim yellow lights.
Most of all he loved Item No. 4 on the dessert list.
Sweet Revenge- Caramel lover's delight.



The fellow Blog-a-Tonics who took part in this Blog-a-Ton and links to their respective posts can be checked here. To be part of the next edition, visit and start following Blog-a-Ton.

50 comments:

Shilpa Nair said...

This is so simple, beautiful, cute and sweet!!! Awwww......N so refreshingly different :) :) Fantastic job :)

Drama Queen ™ said...

Aww loved this story !! Seriously brilliant .. Loved that note by Aleena .. Damn awesome stuff!!!! wow <3

Cloud Nine said...

Very cute! Nice portrayal of the female lead, as if she is a snob. Excellent work Sadiya:)

Animesh Ganguly said...

Ah! Nice, so different, so wonderful. Good luck Sadiya for BAT, my entry for the same is here:Revenge

Prateek said...

I want item number 4 now. Not the ice cream. :P
I loved the narration and once again I must say, it was a sticky post. :D

The Fool said...

Cute romantic story. Enjoyed the smooth flow and the ending. Do check out my Blog-a-ton entry if you have time Revenge

Soumya said...

This is so cute and lovely.

subtlescribbler said...

this was an extremellyyyyy cute post...loved the way u ended it..item no. 4 surely is magical :P
blame my damn collge authorities...i cudnt participate in blogeshwar or BAT :( maybe better luck nxt time!
btw, good luck to u... :))

sarah

Fatima said...

Ah! Sadiya this was a beautiful and cute post...romantic too :)

Loved the way the story flowed and the last line was a perfect ending to all that was stated above !

Good Luck for BAT!!


Take Care

Menachery said...

the note was the most beautiful part,esp hope you are not a quick learner bit... im a mush person... and absolutely loved it ...

Brijender Singh said...

BEAUTIFUL !!!!!!
JUST AMAZING !!
A story that just HAS to put a smile on the readers face-wish i could come up with something as incredibly innocent and pure as this.
Just amazing !

suruchi said...

awww...yeh wohi chotu se love stories waale which we so love:-)

Kunnu said...

First Comment on this blog here..could not have chosen a better post for it. Loved it absolutely. :)

Kunal

wats_in_a_name said...

wow ! i loved it...its really nice u knw to read sch a beautiful story and romantic indeed!:)

Saket Dabi said...

awsssmmm.... my landing had a reason , and the reason is clearly justified :) ,a witty smile and 2 words "SMART WRITING".... All the very best, as usual i could'nt contribute this time too :)

Preethika Shenoy Padiyar said...

cute story :)if u have time, check my Revenge

Sunil Padiyar said...

Nice one.. :)

sunwicked said...

"See that's the thing with caramel. It sticks and stays. Tingles.But not chocolate. No, not that. Smooth. It flows. Subtle and yet lingers." <3

nice post yet again .
started the site deadmango.com , looking for a guest post if you feel lik
inbtw mr100=sunny :)

Blasphemous Aesthete said...

waah, bheegi billi aur teekhi mirchi. Itna meetha pilaya phir bhi karele jaisi kadwi :P

A beautiful post, the best I read on this prompt.
Ye log koi prize dete hain to ja ke utha lao, tumhara hi prize banta hai.

Cheers,
Blasphemous Aesthete

Someone is Special said...

beautiful romantic post Sadiya.. Simple and very cute.. I just love these genre.. Here is my post, Oh, this is .... ReVeNge

Someone is Special

the critics said...

simple cute romantic...enjoyed it ....had a smile in the end....

here is mine
the revenge of aparniyan- Revenge

Aashish Sood said...

Simple and romantic is all I will say! Perhaps an alternate ending that could have been played out was that HE was the caramel dessert itself! What say?

ATB for the BAT...

Read mine at Revenge is best when served cold

Regards
Wandering Thoughts "

Shobhit said...

Brilliant ! :-)

Alka Gurha said...

Aww... you mislead us through the dessert? It was very sweet nevertheless!
Loved it.

Ketan - www.ketansnadar.com said...

Did she come the next day...

Vikram Pyati said...

Lovely post...brought a smile on my face as I read it. But there wasn't anything about revenge here, right?
Mine is here - Revenge

Mahesh Kalaal said...

Revenge in a lighter mode...thoda halka, thoda jhatka :)

Bikramjit said...

snobs why she was not a snob she said what she liked and felt ..

cheers t othe visit tomorrow and the lerning session :)
lovely story

Bikram's

Christopher Anand said...

absolutely terrific..

Hamza Bin Ladin said...

I am not half as good as you=( I can only dream of writing like you and taking part in Blog-a-ton competitions =P
I have been following Blog-a-ton since months, never had the balls to write something=D

BY THE WAY,

You have been awarded at my Blog!!!!
Go check it out.
Your number is (22)

http://hamza-the-philosophaster.blogspot.com/2011/07/teenage-mutiny-oscars-last-part.html

Rachit Aggarwal said...

Simply love your imagination and creative stories.
We always got glued to such stories.

Sadiya Merchant said...

hiee! SUPER SUPER SORRY FOR THE LATE RESPONSE. sadiya was on a mini vaccation na dats y :o

@ shilpa- c d frst comment decides d fate of my mood n u totally lifted it. zenk yeww! :-)

@ drama queen- eee *hugs*. dere wer 2 'r's' in ur user name rite? ki hoya :o

@ niveditaaaa- dhanyavaad madam railways :-)

@ animesh- oh chalo gud u liked it. n yep wil surely luk up ur entry soon!

@ prateekk- ahhhh fir sticky! ur doin dis jus to annoy me naa
*no dessert fr u*

@ the fool- oho oho! comeback post. gud luck :-)

@ soumya- heyy! merci :-)

@ sarahhhhh- jaao jaaooo! u always say nex tym n ditch me like dis. u kno i wrote dis post on my fone!!!
whr dere is a wil dere is a way- ji haa!
*mad at u*

@ fatimaaa- haa tumhare itneeee romantic poems padhe to kuch to asar hona tha :-)

@ menachery- same to same ji. to chalo milaao haath phir! :)

@ brijender- wowwiee. *halo appears*
dunno if u really liked it bt jo bhi ho ur comment totally made my day. in fact i wrote fr d contest only cos i saw ur entry. tho nw i cant seem to b able to find ur post!....wot heppund! :((((

@ suruchiiii- haaaa par tum likhna hi band kar diye wo so isliye mujhe hi ab likhna padta hai :o

@ kunal- bhelcummm bhelcumm! glad u had gud timing :-)

@ nibeditaa- hehe so sweet.

@ saket- haa haa. lazy bug. pata nahi aisa kya 24 hrs padhaate hai tumhe! :P

@ preethikaaa- googly woogly wooksh! :-)

@ sunil- heya! thnx man

@ sunnyy- oh yayyy! sumbody noticed dat!
wil visit ur website soon n umm yea sure. lemme kno wat genre ud like it to be :)

@ anshulll- chalo jaisa bhi ho, swaad to aaya!
prize kya milta hai mujhe bhi nahi pata. ek baar bhi nahi jeeti naaa! bt i did like a couple of odr entries. tumne thik se nahi padha hoega :P

@ sarvana- glad u enjoyed it! n yea i remembr d love letter suggestion. hope it gets approval nex tym :D

@ the critics- super! musu musu haasi diyo :)

@ aashish- yes dats an idea! bt d story itself was wrkd out wid d end frst n den evrythin els followed backwards so deres no odr way id hav it :)
tho i mus say dis is d gud part abt gettin ppl's perspectiv. adds dimension. thnx!

@ shobhit- thaanku! :-)

@ alka- yep. aaj pehli taareek nahi hai phir bhi kuch meetha ho jaaye :)

@ ketan- lol. wel her note sounded pretty confident so id think yes! :D

@ vikram- lol. sweet revenge? name of d dessert?
hope u din miss readin d last para!
gues d topic can b conjured watevr way u like, or so is wat i read in d instructions.
hope dat answered ur query :-)

@ mahesh- dats such a cute way of sayin it! :D

@ bikrammmm- hehe main samjhaati hoo. ab dhyaan se padho ok!
he askd if she liked d dessert nt cos he was really keen to kno, bt cos dat was his way of strtin a conversation. kintu parantuuu it backfired.
so genrlly in such situations ppl tk to thinkin wats convenient to suit dem. instead of bein frnly she criticised him so usne socha- snob hai.
for instance if u c a pretty grl standin nex to a guy, ud think nai yaar zaroor uska bhaai hoega. cos dat suits u better *i thinkk!*
kno wat i mean?

@ christopher- thnk u ji. so kind of u :-)

@ hamza- gud gud. try bhi na kariyo. i hate competition :P
n yes thnx fr d award. hawww 22!
*upset*
mujhe to 1 chahiye tha! :(

@ rachit- aww thnx! wish evryone thot jus like u :)

Priyanka said...

Oye lady, unfair:P How can you take an evil topic like revenge and turn it into something as sweet?
Inni cute si post <3

All the best!

aativas said...

:-) enjoyed fully.

Rachit Aggarwal said...

Congratulations...

Hamza Bin Ladin said...

The numbers had no value.
BTW, congratulations!
YOU WON!

Sadiya Merchant said...

@ priyanka- inni sweet si ladkiya padti hai na isliye :-)

@ aativas- glad!

@ rachit- read ur comment even before i saw d results so doubl thnx banta hai :-)

@ hamza- oh ok :o
den too i wanted 1.
n ya thnx a ton!

Gyan Central said...

Very nice post....by the way, inviting you to visit and like my page...

The Solitary Writer said...

Sweet revenge...how do i tell you how much I liked reading this...btw this Aleena seemed to be intriguing and it was good for sure..I really love reading your short stories...u never disappoint..u surely never...good one Miss Merchant...

Sadiya Merchant said...

@ gyan central- hehe. rito. invitation accepted :P

@ ste- hai main kya ji thnk u :)

sunwicked said...

1. Congrats
2. thanx for dropping by ( deadmango)[free ad :D]
3.Even after seeing my site ,if, you are interested in being the guest author plz mail me at sunny[@]deadmango[dot]com
4. plz approach some publisher , I have read a very few books but still I see a gud writer here .
5. I knw this is getting very long so tats it :)

Kiran Ashraf said...

I have passed on an award to you. Go check it out on my blog:)

Purba said...

Sweet caramelized revenge....I love reading your stories, they have a feel good aura about them.

Sidrah said...

Sweeeet =D I loved it!
Yay for caramel!

Sadiya Merchant said...

@ sunny- thnx buddy! i reckon u bcum a publisher. yehi best idea hai :)

@ kiran- delighted. thnxxx! :-))

@ purba- :)))))) thnx. so sweet of u to say dat.

@ sidrah- hehe ya. gues u love caramel too. happy hols :)

Brijender Singh said...

Congratulations !!
Wish i cud have voted coz you deserved even better !
But anyway, THIS WAS my favourite story !!!

Sadiya Merchant said...

@ brijender- hehe thnx!
*she died a happy grl!* :D

Nadeem said...

luvd it!!

Sadiya Merchant said...

thrilled, thnk u :-))

Meenakshi Malhotra said...

I am struck by the simplicity of it. It is so well imagined and written. Did it actually happened!

ATB for BAT!