Friday, June 24, 2011

Uff so phoneyyy!

You know what the latest trend these days is? It’s not attending Page 3 parties or winning elections. On the contrary right now that's taboo and vain. The really reallyyyy- like- totally totallyyy in thing this season is fighting for rights. That’s right. It’s what everyone is doing. Human rights, Consumer rights, Children drinking alcohol rights, Tiger rights, I could go on!
*no that’s a lie. I’m out of other names. Maybe Tendua as in leopard rights. But yikes! What sort of a word is 'Tendua'!*

Now I have a question. What do tigers know about their rights anyway? And is it really wise? So like listening to all the gyaan by this Aircel initiative if I blog about it and a tiger killer thinks- Oh hey! Let’s check out Sadiya Merchant’s blog. Now brimming with all the mind numbing enlightenment assuming he decides to quit his k-k-k-killer ways, then what happens? Killer guy meets tiger and says, ‘Hey big guy, nah can’t kill you buddy. Aircel and stuff. Only 1400 of you folks left.’ Tiger dude goes, ‘Oh yeah man. Lucky you. Get to take a direct flight to swarg!
*5 seconds silence*
Ahem. A tiger’s got to do what a tiger’s got to do.

Yes, I believe I have vastly digressed.
The point of this post is actually to come up with fighting for a certain class of rights that have been repressed, suppressed, oppressed and you get the drift right? Even if you don’t, you will at least by the time you’ve finished reading this.
I think!
Haa so guess what!!! I came up with one such hairat angez, chowka dene waala, chamku chamkeela and mind bhadkeela cause to fight for!! Tadaaa!

I intend to start a whole new revolution!!! Move over zaffrani clothes wale Baba’s and Nehru topi oldies cos the chakachak vibrant tracks and kurti generation fighters are on the block. *sunglasses*

I am going to fight for PHONE RIGHTS!

That’s right!

The other day when my brother bought a phone and I was taking a look at it, to ensure its proper functionality off course, cos I care so much and what’s his is totally mine *though what’s mine is not necessarily his, cos I’m a girl and girls must have their privacy*, and I tried to peel off the sticker cos that’s my first instinct when I see one *even soft drink bottles actually* and next thing he just jumped up and snatched it from my hand *Is that rude or what!*.

Now it's not just my brother but mosttt other people who completelyyyy destroy the look of their phone by these half clingy stickers with a few hundred bubbles. I don’t get it. So the phone might get a little scratched. Big deal!!!
When you reason with them, it’s all about getting lesser resale value.
I mean you shell out a wow 10 grand for a phone for YOU and spoil its entire look for as long as you use it, just so some random stranger pays you 200 bucks more? And even if you have a perfectly neat scratch card, still what about all the invisible dirt that seeps through its edges anddd contaminates your hands anddd messes with your health?? Hawwwww didn’t think about that, now did you! :-)
Plus, how would you feel if somebody puts a tape on your mouth so you never got unclean? That’s just dumb, isn’t it!

Another thing is those dressy covers. Ok so I can get used to cut- to- figure clothes on item number starlet Jalebi Bai’s but why do you need to smother your phone in such inhospitable conditions???
Putting and removing itself is such a big ordeal that by the time the phone is out of its cover, the call has already been dropped.

Also, what’s with subjecting phones to ear banging, head hitting classics? Picture this. You’re in a meeting soberly taking about stock market analysis and suddenly someone’s pocket decides to go all Dhinka chika Dhinka chika. God!! Why why why???
If you can’t keep it on silent then why not just keep an instrumental tone or at least something pleasant?
Can you imagine how embarassed your phone must feel to be owned by you???

Lasttt but most most important, why are phones being used as objects of discrimination!!!!
Case in point-
We are the Blackberry boys- Like oh so classy. I mean hello. Attitude to whom you dikhaaying huh? Availing its messenger services itself costs a cool 400 bucks as opposed to other handsets that offer 2GB internet at 98 bucks so you can just log into your system and send an email or use normal simple hamaar Yahoo Messengerwa!
Duh! :P
Another one,
If you don’t have an iPhone, well, you don’t have an iPhone- Oh wow! That’s genius! At least I have a Bluetooth you dodo!

As you may understand from all the above arguments, I am totally out and out in dharnaa for this phone rights thingy and I will not shut up untilllllllll all poor phones are given their due share of justice or I get a new phone at leasttt. And don’t take me lightly, o ye reader! If my demands are not met na, all my 116 followers will go on an indefinite hunger strike.
Ji haa!


Anonymous said...!

Zeba said...

Ah. The rights. But I am with your brother on the mobile sticker thingy!!

Alka Gurha said...

Go girl go ...if you can please also do something about the unsolicited msgs which disturb at odd hours..

Dhinka chika in the middle of stock

Binu Thomas said...

Wo wo wo... Hunger strike by including all ur followers?? Yaar, even I agree there's injustice, but theek hai na.. :) There's injustice even in our society, toh yeh phone kya cheez hai... :D

By the way, awesome line --> 'hairat angez, chowka dene waala, chamku chamkeela and mind bhadkeela '

Furree Katt said...

I AM TOTALLY WITH YOU! three cheers for a hunger strike!

i cannot understand why people would want to keep the transparent safety-sticker on their phone longer than necessary, especially when it starts bubbling. HELLO THE SCREEN IS BARELY VISIBLE ANYMORE, REMOVE IT!

and PEOPLE WITH BLACKBERRIES AND IPHONES ARE SOMETIMES SOOOOO SNOBBY! so what if i have an old phone?! i'm satisfied with it and i have no inclination to waste money on something that can only be described as 'fancier than a normal phone with an essentially higher price'
plus my phone is as safe in my pocket as it would be in a cover lol.

and yes. what DO tigers know about their rights? :O


Blasphemous Aesthete said...

Ahem, mera phone mujh se bahut khush hai and really enjoys when I tickle it with the vibrator mode. Even right now, it's holding my hand or rather is sitting in my hand to prevent me from typing here.
Kehta hai, Saidya ke phone ko garmi lag gayi hai, hawa aane do theek ho jayega aur Sadiya ko bhi chup karwa dega. Tum khaana khao, kya pata kab hunger strike shuru ho jaaye :P

Ekdum dhinchak post :)

Blasphemous Aesthete

Anonymous said...

ooops now i am one of those who puts a sticker on , but i dont do it for resale or anything , you see we have contracts here for 18 or 24 months so every so often contract chnges and you gt anew handset so i dont need to resell it but i use the stickers to avoid scratches to the screen ...

and 100000% with you on Iphone NAHIN HAI but mere pass Bluetooth hai yayyyyyyyyy me tooo :) I cant understand the big deal about iphone OH maybe cause i dont have one :)

made me smile :)


Prateek said...

My phone enjoys its freedom so much that it often writes a guest post for me, seriously, I am NOT joking.
Plus a hunger of a bigger amount of recharge satisfies his never ending apatite.
But I hate being irked by least concern people; promotional ads. I don't need Slim Sauna Belt and not even a 3 BHK appartment at Greater Noida (of course I don't have a pocket money to afford else I'd have)
What I really want to know is, how will the user be benefited by The Mobile Act 2011? Please do send your agent(s).

Megha said...

You go girl! I am with you... especially against the snobs who have BB and an iPhone! They think they are royalty or something! This right is absolutely needed ;)

Md. Muddassir Shah said...

sadiya at her best I say and I agree with the cover part.
I used to be like your brother and one of my friends plucked the cover for my good :)

Cloud Nine said...

LOL!!! Ultimate comedy post. Just loved reading it. We do humiliate poor mobiles;)

Shobhit said...


Just to add... how some people don't pick up the call on their phone (instead, try to stare hard at the screen pretending to identify the caller's name, even if it's their spouse !) until the complete opening stanza of the head-splitting noisy latest Bollywood number blares at full volume...

Maybe they do that to bring to the notice of the public around them that they DO have a phone which is UP-TO-DATE with the latest music(if you can really call that music...)

Really enjoyed the post ! :-)

Kiran Ashraf said...

talking about dhinchk dhinchk ringtones i hve witnessed a situation myself where at a memorial service of a lady someone's mobile rang n came out the bharkeela item number munni badnam hoi... n guess what...the decessed nickname was Munni!!!!! omg i still remember the face of the cell phone's embarassed..bechara

suruchi said...

whoaaaa...such a cute post..n love ur twists and bhasha n all the tamasha...and thank god someone stood up against the snooty "blackberry boys"
...phones are sending you flying kisses darling:-)

sharing the post on fb...ekdum mast likha hain:-)

KWP said...


Sadiya Merchant said...

@ ruchiiii- hee.

@ zeba- oh no. bhaai gettin ladki log ka support here also :o

@ alka- yaaaa man dats damn annoying. mayb v shud add dis point to our agenda too. smart thinkin!

@ binuuu- lol. ohoo! atyachaar sehna paap hai!! kya tum itna nahi kar sakte? its fr a gud cause na.

@ furreeee- hehe so sweet. BB boys r stil ok bt iphone wala's r totally snobbish- zero xceptions to my knowledg at least

@ anshul- lol.
tel maalish. champeeee. sar jo tera chakraayeeee ya dillll dooba jaayeee.....
n who sed im goin on a hunger strike. its odrs who will, to support my movement. tadaaaa! odr wrds, good human beings like u :)

@ bikram- arey u kno evry time i read ur name im thinkin milk bikies :)
n ab all d dirt wil accumulate on its edges n infect ur hands wid beemari phailaane waale kitaanuuuuuuuuu. :o
if i were u, id b askin ur office wala's to giv stock of one yr's lifebuoy saabun also freeeee.
hehe glad it made you smile.....khushiyo ko bula lo naaaa....muskaane chura lo naaaa :)

@ prateek- lol!
im SURE ur nt joking cos u do hav a mad mad blog :P
for us its 3 BHK apt on OMR n even if i did hav d money i wudnt buy a flat dere cos dat place is God forsaken!
n hawww so selfish!! dekho we r talkin abt phone rights, so d fone benefits, not d user. understood? :-)

@ megha- yayyy! +1 to my fauj! <3

@ muddu- hehe. nice of ur frn. nw u r totally safe n cant blame anybody fr red cheekoo fever :D

@ niveditaaaa- yea dats true. soft target fr our butter fingers too :)

@ shobhit- hehe. ahem. i do dat too wen i hav a new ringtone bt only wen im alone so purposely wont pick it to hear how it sounds. again.
ouch! :D

Goddddd! dat person mus hav bn so embarassed! m guessin he wil mk it a point to put in his will a separate clause of no fones at his funeral.
aaah! dat depresses!

@ suruchiii- eeee *hugs*
ur always such a sweethrt. thaanku! :-))))))))

@ kwp- yeaa shorrie 117! kya hai na ji, wen i posted dis, dere were 116 bt sinc ur at d top, u get to lead our morcha!!!!

Fatima said... mast post by you..hilarious is the word! Aise dhinchak ideas aate kahan se hai tere pass re?? :D Aur mera phone toh mujhse khush hai mein hi usse thodi naraz hoon...waise awaz toh unn Nokia walo pe uthani chaiye...itne saare dramas...hai zindagi mein jitne Nokia Care k chakar nahi kate utne inn 6 mahino mein Nokia ne katwa diye :(...

And hey its not fair...hum strike pe jainege aur madame enjoy karengi...hume insaaf chaiye :P

Take Care.

Mishi said...

hahahaha I loved the way You have described phone Issues...and btw I came here delibrtly not by mistake:-)
WEll maintained page!

Muhammad Israr said...

ahan,.. so what we are going to do after the phones get their rights? :P

Sadiya Merchant said...

@ fatima- lol. no wayyyy. nokia main koi problem nahi hai. sochne wali baat to ye hai ki wo kharaab hua hi kaise? zaroor tumne hi man-handle kiya hoega!
aur aisi baat nahi hai ki main 'enjoy' karungi or anythin. i will sit in Mcd, eat fries den only mujhe ideas aayenge na to b d thought process behind d movementttt!
get it, get it?

@ mishi- hiee! chalo yaar koi to aata hai yaha deliberately.
uding like a helium balloon now :)

@ muhammad israr- huh! u thot u wud stump me wid dat question, eh?
buhahaha! its all planned, ji haa!
aftr fones get deir rites v will feel happy n content?
cours if by chance v get famous, den v'd stand fr elections n evryone wud vote fr us knowin we r so passionate abt serious issues. dennn cos u seem to b a pakistani vd wrk on indo-pak relations n attain wrld peeeeaceeee. tadaaa!
nw i totally feel all miss india like.

Anonymous said...

idea acha hai but then I can always WASH the phone and get rid of the KITAAAANUUUUUuuuuuuu :)
what say try karke dekhen kya ... he heh ehe

and what are milk bikies :O

Anonymous said...

Err.. I beg to differ..I'm one of those who painstakingly ensures that her phone is dust-free.I even bought mobile covers every year..And was so heart broken when my E5's display shield tore off...not to add the fact that I'd kept the cover on the cam lens & kept wondering why my pics looked so ghostly :P
Nice post..but keep me out of the hunger strike :P

Pritam Barhate said...

aaw! Come on... Dhinka chika Dhinka chika is not pleasant!? Sallu fans ka dil tod diya aapane!

Sadiya Merchant said...

@ bikram- haaa ye idea acha hai. kitaanu nahi ya fone nahi.
u dunno milk bikies?????? india main hi na rehte ho! :P
britannia biscuit hai. waise kuch khaas nai hai. hide n seek hi best hai :)

@ rinayaaaa- owww emmm geeeeeeeee. u kno watt! i too hav an e5 andddd anddddd i too dint remove d cover frm d camera lense. for a monthhhh!!! n i was totally fuming all d tym ki yaar hw cn a 5mp cam b sooo bad!
bro sed m d biggest dumbo in d wrld. hehe gues dat mks u 2 :P
chalo special discount jus fr u. fast ke beech main u cn eat ur bread chops too ;)

@ pritam- wel sach to sach hai na. its soooo loud!! :P

Perception said...

I liked the tiger bit and between who said only 1400 left??
1411 the na, baaki 11 ko tum kha gayi kya?

Btn i felt that you are stuck with an old handset which you did not like very much now. Koi na, steal your brother and say something about his rakhi gift..

Dont go on dharna or anything please, had enough of them already:)

Anonymous said...

i live in uk :)


Sadiya Merchant said...

@ dhiraj- wel dere were 1411 den one or two died so i wasn sure of d exct number, henc d round figure :o
n lol no i love my fone. ye to bas aise hi drama tha.
dont go on dharna? ye to opposition ki saazish lag rahi hai mujhe. gaaoo basa nahi ki lutere pehle aa gaye!

@ bikrammm- oh uhh ok!
par ho to hindustani na. itni genrl knowledg honi chahiye man ki Mahatma Gandhi ne kaunsa biscuit khaya tha :o

Shahid Mukadam a.k.a Shady West Side said...

well the reason for putting the scratch guard is to ensure that the screen doesnt get scratched out to the extent that the display aint visible....i had phones like i think you like all the other rights activists are looking at the wrong direction :-P

Sadiya Merchant said...

@ shahid- hawwww itna sangeen ilzaam!! :((
i too had n hav a fone without a scratch guard n its doin jus fine!
real genuine person ki to kisi ko value hi nahi! :P

Rachti Aggarwal said...

"Attitude to whom you dikhaaying huh?"

Nice post with loads of chamkeele and bhadkeele dialogues.

Sadiya Merchant said...

@ rachit- hehe. yea dat was d intent :)

Felicity said...

you've been tagged.

Siddhesh 'Ravan' Kabe said...

A tigers got to do what he got to do.... and so do sisters eh....:P

CRD said...

There's another Phoney cause I wanna fight for. It's not fair that my fone is left out when it comes to sharing of jokes and forwarded msgs. Even calls for that matter. Is it simply because he's black? Down with racism!!

Blogrolling ya.


subtlescribbler said...

hahaha..what a post! its actually one of ur bests...and phone rights definitely need to be in place...tigers n tendue gaye bhad mein :P


the critics said...

this is crazy...........ha ha ..couldn't stop stage on a hunger strike ..... poor phones lets win them their rights .....that peeling the scratch true my first instinct will be that too :0

Sadiya Merchant said...

@ felicity- yayyy! thaanku :)

@ siddesh- lol. yea get bullied by deir mushtanda brothers :P

@ crd- hehe now v r talkin! u hav brilliantly contributed to our cause n if u luk closely enuff ur 'dusky' *cos v don say black* fone is sending red hearts to u :)

@ sarah- hie!!! welcome baqq frm ur exmsss!!!!
thnx! n i hope ur gonna get baq to bloggin soon. poor emboying emotions has been abandoned. ab uske rights ke liye bhi i think ek movement launch karega koi!

@ the critics- yaaaaaa. its like fingers itch wen i c it on d screen! :D

Chirag Deshpande said...

The Most innovative blog I've come across till date!! Love your style!
[i]Attitude to whom you dikhaaying huh?[\i]

So Classy!!!

You've got another follower who's with you as and whenever you decide to for a huger strike.(provided there is enough Mango juice).!!


Sadiya Merchant said...

@ chirag- hey man! thnx a ton.
mango juice??? num num uske liye to seperate procedure hai na.
bt den again im open to bribes so its cool :P