*Warning- Venture only if you know a decent amount of Hindi*
Kya????? You don’t know Roadies??
Ok how about this guy.
Hawwww! Did you just say he’s bald?
Arey looks pe mat jaao! Although he doesn't have too many stud like qualities, let me assure you, this guy holds the kismet of a good many thousand nawjavaan who are dying to be Akshara’s sisters and Ammaji’s daughters in hamaar Indian soap operas.
The show he hosts is for these really ‘kewl’ kinda people where ‘intellectual’ *that’s what people outside of our fraternity think of us* blog readers like you and me would never ever make the cut. Plainly cos we would be too scared to do our band bajaana in a way that our parents would probably disown us from their jaaydaad forever and ever!
The show by itself however is a complete entertainer. It honestly gives me a kick to watch self professed rock stars come in and do their izzat ka falooda. If you may have noticed, there is always a huuuge mob outside of the auditions with people yelling and screaming and most, even short of begging with ‘Puhleeeeeez mujhe le loooooooo! I AM DIFFERENT!’
Now if there is a problem, it must be addressed, and since nobody is taking the initiative I figured it’s my absolute kartavya to coach the odd one off person dropping into this space on the same. I may not be equipped to face the heat *cos of exams, nothing else baba*, but I have seen nearly 4 seasons so that must count for some sort of value addition right?
Ok ok without wasting any further time, cut to some serious gyaan in the shaanpatti department!
1- Get a bunch of funky tattoos that read deep stuff like ‘Karma’, ‘Attitude’ or ‘Peace’. I mean.... C’mon! What are a few needles stuck into your arm as opposed to a lifelong tryst with fame through Videocon commercials?
2- Fake an accent. Contrary to what they say, if you show the remotest qualities of the REAL YOU, chances are they will kick you out from the word go. So be a cool dude with a ‘Center Shock’ type hairstyle and waak and taak like you own the world. Relax! It makes you masala material.
3- If you got some self- respect then leave it at home cos DarrLinggg this ain’t no place to showcase it. Possibly even add stuff like you tried to commit suicide and they will go all ‘Wowwieeee!’
4- Scream and shout for absolutely no reason. That way they will think you are this really passionate person. If you’re a guy beat your heart out to show how much the show means to you. If you’re a girl then, emm well just do a Mamata Banerjee *know what I mean?* ;)
5- Hype your relationships like you have been a casanova ever since you grew old enough to tell red from yellow. Make Emran Hashmi look like an amateur in front of you. Mind you, current status though must shriek ‘Single’ and an additional ‘I respect women’ is a mandatory. This to them is read as gentle, sweet and great potential for likely link ups.
6- Learn a few kya-adaa-kya-jalwe-tere-Shakira dance moves from an academy and say you just made it up. Cos music is in your veins, yaar!
7- Say you’re fame crazy and manipulative. They’ll say ‘Awwww! How genuine!!’
8- Stage a few tears and tell them how the 5 minute interview on their show has made you a better person by putting your whole life into perspective. The ‘different you’ has suddenly become even more ‘differently different’. Yes, they REALLY buy this kind of stuff.
9- Get a sound coaching in swear words and use them at your liberal best. It makes you sound grounded and earthy. Duh!!
10- If none of the above work just keep showing up at the auditions year after year after year. They will go fida on your dedication, give you a clean chit and say ‘Isme humko wo keeda dikhaai deta hai’.
Yes, yes you can thank me on Live National TV sweeto.....Much Louuve! :-)