Wednesday, May 25, 2011

10 step jugaad to ROADIES!

*Warning- Venture only if you know a decent amount of Hindi*

Kya????? You don’t know Roadies??
Ok how about this guy.

 Hawwww! Did you just say he’s bald?

Arey looks pe mat jaao! Although he doesn't have too many stud like qualities, let me assure you, this guy holds the kismet of a good many thousand nawjavaan who are dying to be Akshara’s sisters and Ammaji’s daughters in hamaar Indian soap operas.

The show he hosts is for these really ‘kewl’ kinda people where ‘intellectual’ *that’s what people outside of our fraternity think of us* blog readers like you and me would never ever make the cut. Plainly cos we would be too scared to do our band bajaana in a way that our parents would probably disown us from their jaaydaad forever and ever!

The show by itself however is a complete entertainer. It honestly gives me a kick to watch self professed rock stars come in and do their izzat ka falooda. If you may have noticed, there is always a huuuge mob outside of the auditions with people yelling and screaming and most, even short of begging with ‘Puhleeeeeez mujhe le loooooooo! I AM DIFFERENT!’

Now if there is a problem, it must be addressed, and since nobody is taking the initiative I figured it’s my absolute kartavya to coach the odd one off person dropping into this space on the same. I may not be equipped to face the heat *cos of exams, nothing else baba*, but I have seen nearly 4 seasons so that must count for some sort of value addition right?

Ok ok without wasting any further time, cut to some serious gyaan in the shaanpatti department!

1- Get a bunch of funky tattoos that read deep stuff like ‘Karma’, ‘Attitude’ or ‘Peace’. I mean.... C’mon! What are a few needles stuck into your arm as opposed to a lifelong tryst with fame through Videocon commercials?

2- Fake an accent. Contrary to what they say, if you show the remotest qualities of the REAL YOU, chances are they will kick you out from the word go. So be a cool dude with a ‘Center Shock’ type hairstyle and waak and taak like you own the world. Relax! It makes you masala material.

3- If you got some self- respect then leave it at home cos DarrLinggg this ain’t no place to showcase it. Possibly even add stuff like you tried to commit suicide and they will go all ‘Wowwieeee!’

4- Scream and shout for absolutely no reason. That way they will think you are this really passionate person. If you’re a guy beat your heart out to show how much the show means to you. If you’re a girl then, emm well just do a Mamata Banerjee *know what I mean?* ;)

5- Hype your relationships like you have been a casanova ever since you grew old enough to tell red from yellow. Make Emran Hashmi look like an amateur in front of you. Mind you, current status though must shriek ‘Single’ and an additional ‘I respect women’ is a mandatory. This to them is read as gentle, sweet and great potential for likely link ups.

6- Learn a few kya-adaa-kya-jalwe-tere-Shakira dance moves from an academy and say you just made it up. Cos music is in your veins, yaar!

7- Say you’re fame crazy and manipulative. They’ll say ‘Awwww! How genuine!!

8- Stage a few tears and tell them how the 5 minute interview on their show has made you a better person by putting your whole life into perspective. The ‘different you’ has suddenly become even more ‘differently different’. Yes, they REALLY buy this kind of stuff.

9- Get a sound coaching in swear words and use them at your liberal best. It makes you sound grounded and earthy. Duh!!

10- If none of the above work just keep showing up at the auditions year after year after year. They will go fida on your dedication, give you a clean chit and say ‘Isme humko wo keeda dikhaai deta hai’.

Yes, yes you can thank me on Live National TV sweeto.....Much Louuve! :-)


Sara said...

LOL.. I've seen one episode of the show and i know exactly what you mean. :D

Faiz said...

Hamaar Roadies :P

MuddassirShah said...

well wat mamta banerjee u refering to??
nice post anyways

Unknown said...

I wanna be a Roadie, I wanna be a Roadie and with these handy tricks I will show how different I am. I will prove myself
But Sadiya you forgot to add the most vital ingredient—
# Abuse profusely and profoundly. It increases the graph of your chances.

Perception said...

Dont know bout other stuff but one thing that i satisfy on your list is use profanity freely, well what can i say have 4 years of education in profanity and to use them in diff tones..

Btw left watching the show cause there is way too much drama.

Nice compilation though..

Sadiya Merchant said...

@ felicity- hehe ok...glad u cud relate :-)

@ azher- e liyo. roadies tohaar kaisan hui gawa?

@ muddu- mamata to get her way is famous for only one thing na. rewind to pre railway minister days :o

@ prateek- lol. arey swear wrds n profanity is d same thing only na. but heyyyy i forgot abt d 'i wanna prove myself' part. Goddd! its so integral to d show!!! :(

@ dhiraj- hehe ok mental note- dont take pangaa wid u :P

Alka Gurha said...

Hilarious....and so true. The guy is taking his tough image too seriously. And Two of them are too much.

Curl Jung said...

Looks like Vin Diesel to me.:P

Anonymous said...

This post left me scratching my head-coz I haven't watched TV fr like 2 yrs maybe..(yes I'm from planet Earth).But from ur description its good that I didn't waste time on TV;)
If I ever feel an unquenchable thirst to be on TV I'll go kill Kasab that try Roadies :P
Excellent post again :)

Bikram said...

I have heard of this program I think I have seen it only once when i was in Bhubhneshwar meeting someone. I was not much impressed with it and after that I have not seen it or heard about it ...


The Xeno said...

Ha ha! You're so right! I can actually relate each point with few of the selected roadies over the years!
This was fabulous!

Anonymous said...

So true.. Great points.. And I think a ROADIE should have all the above listed points ;)

And for two takkloos (You know, to whom I am referring).. just one word for them - lolz.

Blasphemous Aesthete said...

Though I am not an ardent follower of the Roadies, but in hostel some devotees made it a point that his pravachan reached every nook and nukkad of our hostel. As curiosity drew me to a few episodes like some Gujju guy who always went to gym and nothing else.
So yeah, they trio thrash guys well, I think the interview part is the best of all the season and other challenges should be totally scrapped, interviews whole year round. :D

Blasphemous Aesthete

Harish P I said...

hate that show..

Cloud Nine said...

ROFL!!! Fun post. These soaps and reality shows na, yeh bhi thoda too much hi hai!Thanks to u, i shall remember all these ten commandments if i decide to appear for a show. Watch out yaar!

Ashish Surana said...

that was really funny and i believe you miss one more point...

--get yourself trained to use all abusive languages ...makes the show more controversial & entertaining... :-)

Anonymous said...

a complete cheat guide to instant fame keeping the saying - any publicity is good publicity in mind(wait a sec are u supposed to have a mind?) :P

I love to hate the show. Good one *clouseau style* U have a wicked sense of humour sis!

Anonymous said...

it ws a really " KEWL" insight on roadies.. bt i must say the show has lost its charm now!!!! bt ur writing seems really fresh nd amusing

Dr Roshan Radhakrishnan said...

i loved the season which had bani in it..after that, haven't had the chance to watch it much.. but the few episodes i saw recently..well, man, it was less of a reality show and more of a physical&verbal torture show !!

Sadiya Merchant said...

@ alka- noooooo. i think if it wasn fr d tough image nobody wud watch it at all! raghu wasn around last season n it crashed! :o

@ hamza- hehe im guessin u'd say dat fr all bald guys!

@ rinaya- kill kasab? ya man go for it. in fact i reckon u'd even win d elections after dat.

@ bikram- wel if u reallyyy reallyyy want to c n hear it, n hav loads of faaltu time den jus tune into mtv.....its aired baq to baq fr most part of d day :)

@ xeno- yayyyy! finally someone who knows all abt it. im blessed to hav u here. tuning ekdam matching matchinggg!! *applause*

@ syaedkhadri- hehe yes i kno who u r referring to. magar jo bhi ho, dey r d jaan of d show

@ anshul- yaaaaa even i think auditions r better dan d tasks. ranvijay can go too. gud host but ekdam thanda.

@ harish- :)

@ niveditaaaa- oyeeee go jaldi jaldi dennn! form ka link bhejoo kya? :)

@ ashish- areyyyyy! ur d secn person whos sayin dat! i wrote na abt using swear wrds...abusive i thinks cums under d same head :)

@ ruchi- lol. nahi nahi u do need to hav a mind. els who wil do d 'plannin n plotting'?

@ succinttalker- ya dats true. initially it was a rage. nw its strtin to fall a tad shrt of d hype. bt its defntly better dan most odr reality shows of 'apne fevrett ko bachaane ke liye type kijiye blah blah' least dis one's free!

@ pythoroshan- hie! i like baani too!! :)
n yes u do need to have a high tolerance level

Anonymous said...

seriously the last time roadies was far even better than this one sweet heart <3

The Solitary Writer said...

nice research...itne kaise soch lete ho tum sadiyaa :D

mahlaqa said...

hey there what an interesting read it was. though never seen this show but all such talent shows all over the world are as lame as u have portrayed this one. so it was cool :)

Kiran Ashraf said...

i was in love with roadies but i really hate the drama they create...extra hype...more TRP. great post grl its always a treat to read your post : )

Sadiya Merchant said...

@ anum- u mean last season? nooo i don like nikhil :o

@ mr. anthony- hehe. aap sochna hi band kar diye na isliye. bn totallyyy gumshuda on ur blog!

@ mahlaqa- hie! thnx. n nah auditions r a lot more diffrnt dan any odr reality show. wudn recommend it tho....more of a personal taste really

@ kiran- yeah bn 8 seasons so not as fresh.

Philip Verghese 'Ariel' said...

Hi Sadya,
Very interesting read yaar, though i am not fluent in Hindi i understand your writing.
Keep posting,
Best regards
I just joined in

ajay said...

Awesome! :D Hindi lines added the needed extra zing. Your blog is peppy and lively.

Sadiya Merchant said...

@ philip- thnx! enjoy ur stay :)

@ ajay- hie! merci. :)

JS said...

nice post..loved reading it

kiran said...

lol! what a post! nice!

Unknown said...

You have alomst taken every point on a case-by-case basis.. Every point represents a roadie right?
Great Post !!

Sadiya Merchant said...

@ js- thnx! :)

@ kiran- long time!! glad u liked it :)

@ binu- lol. yea. u watch it tooo! yayy! :D

Kamikaze said...

Congrats for the spicy post pick!

Unknown said...

Congrats for Spicy Saturday picks !! :)

Sadiya Merchant said...

@ ruchiiii- hehe thnx!! n u wer d frst to tel me so came as quite a surprise.

@ binu- yea wat r d odds. its d frst post of mine u visited n it got picked! :D
congrats to u too. wil drop by soon Inshallah

kashif faraz said...

Sadiya is a roadie!!!!!

Sadiya Merchant said...

@ kashif- aloha! lol! no baba u kno na i cant scream n shout....then how the me's will the fight's. yu kahiye mere gale main to awaaz hi nahi. *sad eyes* :P

Anonymous said...

Hahaha :D that was the real elm of roadies being unleased . That was truly ausumn ,as of now i will definately try into the next season of roadies ...

Sadiya Merchant said...

@ gaurav- try the next season!!! wohoaaa! finally finally i see my mehnat showin results. phew!
vijayi bhava baalak!

shabz said...

LOL. Seriously, the things that people do!

Sadiya Merchant said...

@ shabz- hehe u sed it!

GvSparx - Inspiring Lives said...

I am waiting for the day when your exams end and I see you rocking the show :P

You are an awesome behavior and pattern analyzer.

Sadiya Merchant said...

@ gaurav- very soooooon my frn...very soon!
i hope usse pehle show hi band na ho jaaye :o

Scribby said...

this is a crazy post and needless to say I'm laughing my all body parts out...okay too dramatic was that? but eh chalta hai bhidu after all I'm commenting on the most dramatic show's jugaad points know? ;)

loved your blog Sadiya..I'm hooked and shortly you'll see the effects of me being hooked :D