Sunday, March 6, 2011

Budgetwa Aayo Re!

Like I mentioned before, I happen to be an ex-taxwaala or rather a taxwaali, and the Budget seems to have the most acute impact on my area of work….the result being everyone takes for granted ki I know all about it….But do I? Well the skeletons are here to be tumbled out.......

Anyone who fancies himself/ herself as an intellectual has a keen interest on this hot topic. Before it comes, the media runs prime time on roughly kya hoega and after it’s out, the discussion rolls to exactly kya hua…..similar to the election story, is the Budget story…..

Here is your one stop guide to understand…… not what the Budget 2011 presented…… but what you can tell to others it presented so you don’t ever have to sound dumb again….Tadaaa!!!
This I hope you understand is valuable stuff I’m handing over to you so dhyaan se padhna and drink up the knowledge ka saagar!

Question- What do you think about the Budget? (Mosttttt common question)
Smart Answer- I think it’s pretty ‘balanced’

Reason- All Budgets are balanced….they always have been and forever will be….balanced is a neat way of saying not too good and not too bad……it can’t be too bad cos else we won’t vote for the Government in the upcoming elections…….and it can’t be too good because we are a nation of over 1 billion people with at leastttt half a billion critics…..surely they would find something wrong with it somewhere right?…It’s what we Indians are naturally talented at…..See? Ki-lear hai babua?

Question- What are the main changes we have seen this year (Sounds tricky na…but don’t worry…mere hote hue koi tumhara baal bhi baaka nahi kar sakta!)
Smart Answer- The Government has tried to ease taxes for the middle class segment. That’s a very healthy sign for the ‘aam aadmi’

Reason- No rocket science…they do it every year…have done it for the last 10 years and will probably continue to, for the next 10 years as well….same stuff…….rich should pay more…. not so rich should pay lesser and save more….poor should not pay at all….at least in theory…..Its set to stereotype!
Question- What have been the major disappointments this year (Huh! Like you care!)
Smart Answer- No incentive to foreign investors in public holdings and petrol prices remain tragic.

Reason- We never give any kind of incentive to firangi log in the public sector because if they come in, then the crores of losses (upar ki kamaai for the netaji’s) would be slashed leaving public servants literally as their name suggests……obviously not a fine move.
Notice, where concerns petrol prices, we use the word ‘tragic’ without divulging into whether it has been reduced or not. I mean c’mon if you did know hardcore facts, you wouldn’t be reading this guide now, would you? It’s as they say.....Average is the new Exceptional! ;)

Once you’ve mastered the above Question-Answer round, you are almost set to firing the floor with brilliance……but before that, here are a few tips as add-ons

1- The Budget is sacred stuff…when talking about it, do not mock it or make fun of it…..laugh onlyyyy if everyone else is laughing… like in the Parliament….everyone bangs the table onlyyyy when Sonia aunty bangs the table…..(so uncouth….looks like the modern version of Early Man pounding his chest and yelling “Food!”)

2- Put on a very serious expression and a solemn face…..even wear your specs if you have them….nooo don’t buy a pair just for this…arey too much ho jayega yaar!

3- Overacting mat karna please! Don’t look over-enthu cos then everyone might think you know a lot, and direct all their thakela questions at you…..for which you have only limited answers…remember?

4- Look people in the eye when you talk to them and don’t fumble… that way it will look like you know what you are saying, so even if it’s the wrong thing, people would just assume you know something that they missed…..which is quite likely because almostttt everyone sleeps when Pranab dada talks and catch only the highlights after the ordeal is over....for all you know they might even think ki Hayo rabbaa soooo intelligent! ;)

5- DO NOT use this Budget conversation on a date….zyada se zyada one line so it clears you as an intellectual…..anything more and you will go down in history as the boring types! Hhh!

All that said you are now ready to strike the iron… budget on……it’s all eyes on you….. So do the Sadiya ji ka naam roshan......Chak de!!!! :)

As part of value addition *just in case you’re a spoilsport or looking for some real substance*, here are the top highlights of Budget 2011
1- Tax exemption limit raised to Rs. 1,80,000/- from Rs. 1,50,000/-
2- Tax exemption limit raised for citizens over 80 years to Rs. 5,00,000/-
3- No change in working women tax slabs so its guys n girls at par :P
4- Senior citizens age revised from 65 years to 60 years for tax purposes. So now it’s aligned with all other services as you may know was the case with senior citizen railway tickets.
5- Grey areas- No changes in petrol prices or tourism sector.


Harish said...

Sadiya ji, thanks for the tips. Remembering the interview gyaan that teacher log used to impart when I was a student :-)

A Great Liar said...

Lol. Arent all politicians around the world engineered to do one thing; make a fool out of us mere mortals, or public in other words.

Anonymous said...

very informative post.. and thanks for "top highlights of Budget 2011" section.. helped a lot to understand what's in the budget..

Sadiya Merchant said...

@ harish- ouch! now i sound ancient :P

@ a great liar- woww! a pakistani n readin abt d indian budget!!! *impressed*
n ur sooo rite abt politicians.....its like dere r jus 2 easy ways to attain money n popularity....Bollywood n politics.....naturally dey r too ugly fr d former!

@ sayedkhadri- im glad! mission accomplished :)

Silhouette said...

hey sadiya ds post actually made me follow u..u've penned dwn my traits to handle the budget oppuguns sessions...;)

Sadiya Merchant said...

@ silhouette- hehe....too bad dis time it took more dan d image to suffice :P