Wednesday, June 30, 2010

What's the Prograaam!


Well I participated for two contests. The first- crush thingy totally flopped and the ladies log ka wants got some 100 odd entries, so the chances that I will make it, seem big time zero! But all is not lost! I can still win that precious mug. Noooo I don’t want the t-shirt, thank you.

How?- Simple! By writing for a fresh contest that seems custom made for me.......Over the top imagination is all it needs and I can’t help thinking this is the sort of stuff I could do justice to. (Read- I have a lot of free time.)


Ok chalo the topic now.....Suppose I had a remote that gave me the power to be invisible!!! Of the little knowledge I have of myself, I am positive that after finding it, I would flip out completely!!! Get in a state of panic alert, then think of the upside and cool off after a bit. In fact I would even do a clumsy dance, give myself a mental hi5, jump on the bed till I got tired and thennnn get down to business. From the limitless uber cool possibilities, I would like to present my humble list of 5 things. And whatever the outcome, I am positive I would do better than Tushar Kapoor in Gayab.

But before that, there is one thing that I would like you to assume as given.....You know saves lengthy explanations later.
Which is, now that I’m invisible, I have all the money in the world. How? By looting Sukhilala, the money- lender off course. (Yes the same guy who troubled our Sanju baba’s mumma in Mother India....or his son or grandson or whoever is in charge now.) I mean I could trace the dude’s ‘tijori’ ka number and steal the money when he is sound asleep. Not that I have done these things before, but hey, ‘Do the new’.... That’s what the commercials say right?

Cut to the real deal.

First things first, you can’t trust China ka maal these days and I could bet that’s where the invisibility remote hails from, so what’s the guarantee this magic handset won’t suddenly decide to dump me? Which is why, it is most important to prioritize, and give top bhaav to my own personal requirements. So what I intend is, pay a visit to the examiners who are correcting my CA papers and do a ‘liberal revaluation’......No I won’t cheat.....blatantly.....Just give 70 marks in each subject......You might wonder why not 100......but aah that’s the master plan deekra. You see, nobody is that brilliant and I would definitely get caught after which jail main chakki peesinggg and peesing!!! Soooo better safe than sorry!

Secondly, I would get access into Bal Thackeray’s office and give him one tight slap......tishcaaooo.....Why? Because I haaate him!!! Cha maila! Marathi Maanus my foot. Bullying people, burning down theatres, scaring my beechaar Shahrukh Khan, forcing everyone to speak Marathi!! If this man isn’t stopped, he will end up making saffron kurtas the official dress code of Maharashtra (plus a rosary maybe).
Oh and before leaving I would also leave an urgent message from his office to put my blog address on front cover of ‘Saamna’ as a must read.......Hee kya kare control nahi hota!

Thirdly, I would go for a world tour...stay in all the bestestttt hotels and make sure to visit their kitchen on the last day of my stay. Thennnn I would switch on the remote, and chupke se add excess salt in all their dishes.....Jis thaali main khaaya usi main namak!! Muhaha!...Phir kya? Just stand by and witness the tamaasha that unfolds. Tooruru!

Fourth!- Yet another very important task. The Venu! (refer to 2 posts ago where you will get the complete story....But do that later.....First read this).....Yeah so Venu is my colleague cum expert pravachanist who has white hair and has made Sadiya’s life miserable!! Now here’s what I will do- Have you watched The Runaway Bride? (Its coming on TV now btw)....There is this part where Julia’s friend colors Richard Gere’s white hair to all shades of the rainbow.....Ditto!....Only thing I would use color that wouldn’t wear out for a year at least!!! (Me thinks I should do that to Hithakshi Ma’am too....My teacher.....She was really nasty to me in school and I still have scary dreams about her sometimes.)

And finally, I need to do something good. Why? Because after doing so much damage Allah is going to be really angry with me and thennn me will pakka pakka go to hell. So just to even things out, I think I would like to do something for the world.......Idea! (jo badal de sabki duniya!) I would collect all the weapons and burn them down in the middle of the Sahara desert......also read some sci-fi books on how to deactivate nuclear bombs (or whatever it is that you do to get rid of them) and thennnn khalaaaas.....no country will remain more powerful than any other. Hence, no wars and therefore WORLD PEACE!!!!! Yippeeee! (Oh that Miss India feeling is starting to well up!)

Now that 5 things are done, well I think I will just retain all the money (go on a shopping spree, invest some in real estate, get a car....put the rest in some Swiss Bank account) and burn the remote. I would say throw it in the Indian Ocean but then what if someone else finds it? They might misuse it you know! *angel expression* :)

Rolling credits

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Saturday, June 26, 2010

What the 'ladies log' want!



Answer- If philosophers, novelists and expert e-mail forwarders don’t have an answer to that, then what are the chances ki The Sadiya will know about it? Definitely zero! And I won’t even 'surprise' you by saying that you’re in for a 'surprise'. However there is this contest that I want to write for and also secretly wish to do a decent job at (I just said it, so not much of a secret now, is it?).....Well anyway, ab kya karoo?
Haar maan loo? No wayyy. The Sadiya will never do that!!!

So I have decided to do the next best thing. Picture this.....When you are in an exam and you don’t know the answer to the question, what do you do? You beat around the bush and display every possible iota of knowledge you have relating to the subject, in the hope that at least one of those things comes in the vicinity of the actual right answer. And worst come situation even if everything is wrong you can win yourself a sympathy vote for the sheer length that displays your dear dire mehnat! So I’m going to do the exact same thing here. Please lend your eyes for a bit and allow me to rant like a pigeon suddenly stuck in a roller coaster ride.

Ok so I thought a lot on this topic (yeah really) and I got mathematical logic working in my head......and you just won’t believe the brilliance that I came up with. Here is my todu fodu thesis. I’m sure even you will find it hard to believe ki ‘How come The Sadiya found it out’ but then what can I say......my good luck is really being very good to me these days. Ok ok now listen.....If you have studied Probability then you will totally get what I’m saying......If you haven’t then still better cos you can very simply skip the next two lines and won’t have any reason to disagree with me! Okies, dil thaam ke baithiye!!!......

[[[If X, (Matlab I don't know) = Probability of knowing what the ladies want
Then, ......X= (1- Probability of knowing what the ladies DO NOT want!!!) ]]]
Tadaaaaa!

Wasn’t that easy? Firstly, what is the number 1?....Well that obviously is unity...you know, the number that comes after 0 and before 2?? (like...duh!)
Next you may ask ki baba what are the 'things that a woman does not want'?...This I sohooo totally know.....you see although I am only 21 years old, then too they say the soul never ages and that’s why I have a woman ka soul (or something like that....sounds deep no?)

What a woman doesn’t want is.....criticism of any sort, dirty laundry, unhygienic people around her, perfectionists (cos they would make her feel kinda dumb all the time), bad teeth ( notice I said unhygienic and still saying bad teeth so double stress on this point).....oh and most important of all, unsuccessful relationships. Yep, that’s it! It’s all been figured!

And you know what the best part is? A woman’s likes can change but her dislikes alwayyys stay the same! Isn’t this cool? And to think The Sadiya came up with all this herself!!!!!!!

If you are wondering what hit you to read my ridiculous pravachan until here, then I can give you a takeaway gift as a thanks for putting up with me....as in a ‘moral of the story’ kind of thing....so you ‘learnnnnn’ something and don’t think I’m simply fooling around.

Here goes......Yeah pakka pakka last hai ye......And now I’m really serious......wearing my specs also.....The Sadiya thinks this whole problem of ‘What a woman really wants’ came into place when some poor dude was irritated by his girl yelling at him or worse, chucked him out of the house......so he said “I’ve done everything for this kudi.....got her an LCD with match wala channels, bought her car racing PS2 CD’s and despite all that, I get this! Arghh!! What does a women want!!!’. The answer lies in- She is not your game time buddy dude, soooo..... TREAT HER LIKE A PRINCESS!! LOOK INTO HER EYES!! WATCH HER SMILE!! AND MILDLY TELL HER YOU LOVE HER....OFTEN!...HOW DIFFICULT IS THAT??. Get these in order and believe me....even if you don't look so good (but within reasonable limits), or don't give her really expensive gifts (No, a feather doesn't count), then too she will go unimaginable lengths to bring you happiness!

There you are. I think I’m done now! :)

Rolling credits-



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Friday, June 25, 2010

My cool-shool careers


All the hi- fi people around me and especially the ad wala's who's primary aim is to define how much they care for me are asking questions like 'Apne future ke baare main socha hai?' Answer- Haii!! Nahi socha! Ab kya karoo?

So I had to tell myself ki tension not Sadiya.....but haa high time I decided to take life seriously and get myself a proper career. You see ye tax shax main I'm not interested so my strategic management text book tells me that I need to divest my current stream and do a total turnaround.....no that does not mean ki ghoom jaao.....it means to give a new direction. Fair enough right?

Isliye what I did is, identified the coolest career opportunities available in the market and through a feasability study, ( I drew various graphs also but thattt I am not enclosing here) made an analysis on the likely options suitable for my future POA. Presenting the 5 bestest careers that I think are top rated mere nazro main....

1- To be an explorer- Yep just like Christopher Columbus. He has always been my hero. You know why? Because he had the power to challenge logic. Just because he thought the place he landed was India, he named it India and those poor folks are still called West Indians.....firm mind, dridh vishwaas....waah waah such good qualities!! Plus, he also has an entire country named after him. And then there is the song too.....Columbus Columbus chutti hai aayiiii (What does it mean??? Chutti aayi to Columbus kya kar sakta hai?).....But whatever.... Is that awesome or what! And to think a country would be named after meeee. Wowwiee! Already thinking what I might call it. Haan ji decided.....I am going to be an explorer.
Problem- With each great idea, there come greater problems. I don't have a ship andd i don't know how to sail one either, so can't even take it on bhaada....and I think I get sea sick too. Oh well! next try karte hai.

2- To be the Governor of Reserve Bank of India- Am I interested in inflationary issues? Nope. Am I interested in fiscal policies? Nope. Hedging? Statutory Liquidity Rates? Foreign Exchange? Anything??? Nope nope. What I actually am interested in, is that this dude gets to sign all the currency notes in the country......Mast hai na? In fact I don't even know how he finds time from out of signing to do all these silly policy thingies. If I were made the Governor I would just delegate all my work and do the real thing.....plus, get paid for signing my autographs. What a feel good job!
Problem- The only chance that I will ever get hired for this job is if I win the Nobel Prize for Economics. Hmm its not impossible for the Sadiya but then Nah! Itna time nahi hai mere paas.

3- To be a Mother- in- Law- Have you checked out these soap opera's on TV? I mean ...Wow!! All the lady every does is order around......I can totally do that. In fact maine soch liya hai.....I will put my feet on the table and scream.....Bahuuuu paani leke aao....Hee such cheap thrills! And poor bahu wearing the ghoonghat will run jaldi jaldi se and do whatever i say. Wo bhi free main! Muhahaha!
Problem- I'm only 21 years old! :(

4- To be an RJ- Now that, I am sure is easy. All they need to do is taak and taak and taak and listen to nice songs and in return they even get paid for it! Ladies and Gentlemennnn the 'new and improved' uber cool is here!
Problem- Nobody can understand the stuff I say when I talk fast......English, Hindi, Tamil, Hebrew....Kuch bhi!
Example in 10th grade-:
Sadiya says something
Friend-Hahahaha! Lol!....... Uhh What exactly did you say? Sorry I didn't understand it but laughed so you wouldn't feel bad.
Sadiya- :(((( (sweet friends anyway)...But that apparently won't get me a job!

5- To be a teacher- Yes kids I louuve..........to pull their ears. I used to do it all the time when I was chotu but then those dumb kids would complain to my mumma....Well as a teacher I can do that ekdam haq se. Yayy! Now we are talking!
Problem- English main I don't know anything about Clauses and Conjunctions (wo kya hai?)....Maths main I don't know Integration.....Arabic to fullto copied in class.....Accounts no Balance Sheet ever tallied first shot main.....S.U.P.W to mom ne kiya tha! So no go here also.

Ah well I am tempted to quote what I once heard- "Choosing a career is like picking a husband out of 10 prospective guys...you get to keep the best, but there always is the pain of losing the other nine!"
Hence, in light of saving me the heartache I guess I will stick with tax, and office hours main keep writing my misadventures as solace :)

Thursday, June 24, 2010

Say the Hello's to the Venu


I haven’t ever made a formal intro to anyone on this blog no?
So here’s making a fresh start......Presenting one person who’s annoying me out of my skull consistently for over a period of one year- Mr. Venu. (Full name and all I don’t know)
So who is he? A Chartered Accountant......Now you might start to get this ‘respect’ thingy welling for him on hearing that, but please, dispel such hideous feelings cos you have NO idea on the kind of torture he has subjected me to.

He came as a harmless person totally sucking up all the time and calling me ‘medamm’, ‘medamm’ for everything......Now as I was new in Chennai I obviously thought it was pretty cool to be called ‘medamm’.....that too by someone who must be a senior citizen (read- he has white hair....don’t have the guts to ask for his birth certificate)......It was only much later when auto drivers and peons called me that, ki I realized ‘medamm’ in Chennai is the equivalent of ‘behen ji’ in Mumbai......*Culture shock*....So much for that!
About the man himself, it is his goal in life to see me qualify as a CA.....which is great....so he calls up all the time asking if I need his ‘service’....Now don’t get me wrong...I totally appreciate that, but in my philosophy phone calls for over 10 minutes by some random old guy are totally uncool, especially if the conversation revolves around topics like my preparation for the exam and if he disturbed me in my prayer (Seriously, do I look sooo religious?)...asked back to back to back a hundred times ....So me at the other end wants to say..... 'Thanks for calling.....Bubbiee!’....but instead, I’m stuck with ‘Yes sir..... Sure sir.....Not a problem sir’. Bah! I disgust myself!

All was well until some time ago. But that’s when I realized he was a sooper sooper chamchaa to my boss......and copied and pasted every syllable of my conversation to him......thanx to which I can’t even tell you how much trouble I voluntarily put myself into.

First, he sent me to a seminar on ‘Audit of Public Sector Undertakings’.......Bwackkk....I don’t even understand the topic, let alone detailed analysis by experts....and the food too was reallyyyy awful.

And once the exams were over, he asked me to ‘evaluate’ my performance, give marks to each question and hand it to him......blink....blink.......Is he out of his mind????.....What kind of normal people do that?.....I wasn’t yet done with thanking Allah for ending the exams and now he wants me to go over with it again???? And he thinks I’m going to give him a REAL evaluation????? No offence but those are like my deepesttt secrets....Nobody is supposed to know that....Even the version my parents get from me is ‘Oh the paper was great....*smile smile*’....So what’s the chance that this kal ka pseudo professional would get it from me?......I figured 2 master solutions.

1- Tell him I lost the question papers itself......fineshhttt problem solved. Trouble is- It’s ok to lose one paper.....even two maybe....but then 8??....Pehle to that’s bad for my reputation and practically speaking, hugely impossible! How can anyone be so careless?
Yaba daba doo...Won’t work....Next solution.....

2- Tell him I gave my papers to a friend for reference.......cool no? There is no way he can verify my not having done as much...Plus, I can even get a friend to substantiate my claim.
Tadaa! So the second one is what I picked and told it with a straight face. Did it go well?
Nooooo. He saw right through it.....Still worse he complained to my boss for which the boss told the Sadiya ‘Don’t act too smart!’
My first reaction- I was angry. How can he be so sure? Suppose I had really given it then? And I even had proof! But I guess saying all that would look still more pitiful.
Made me feel bad, not for getting caught, but cos I couldn’t even tell a lie thik se!!...That’s like a huuuge insult!

And still worse, he keeps asking me on whether my friend ‘returned’ those papers to me...Hawww taunting!
What makes the worse news absolutely the worst is, he joined MY office and is going to sit opposite me every single day!!!! Of all the million offices in Chennai he found only my office???? Ye sab mere saath kyu ho raha hai!! Now I can’t even listen to music at work!
Ordinarily I would have been depressed to hear that and rightfully was....but hold it...I found something totally grand that I had never thought of before....He louuves to use the word ‘actually’.
“Actually medamm what are you trying to say actually”
“Actually I had already asked for the details actually”

So nowwww me is going to count the number of times he says ‘actually’ in one day. That wayyy I will not get bored to death or yawn in his face and dose off and thussss I stand no risk of getting fired!! Yayaya!

Nobody takes the pangaa's with the Sadiya. 8)

I need my privacy!

This title is what appeared in the newspaper supplement the other day. My first reaction obviously was to assume that to be a spoilt princess comment coming from someone like Lindsay Lohan or Carla Bruni in reprisal to cameras prying into their respective drawing rooms.......Turns out that’s not the case. This instead was a comment made by Ms. Priyadarshini Choolai. So the next thing was to search my memory database for this name......searching, searching.....Result- key words not found....The closest I could recollect was the Pepsi lady...but she was Indira Nooyi.....Choolai and Nooyi.....Hmm no definitely not the same. So who is this priteee woman craving for front page media attention?? Random guess- Tamil actress hoegi.

Nope nope. She actually is a Facebook user and the whole tamaasha is about Facebook not protecting her privacy enough and making the settings too difficult for her to understand.

Analysis- After reading this, I think we Indians have effectively lost the right to call Paris Hilton ‘dumb’.
This hasn’t been the first thing I have read on the subject lately. In fact every other day there have been claims by people, of the website being ‘addictive’ and hence they have had to call it quits. Deleting their account it seems, was the most difficult thing for them......And we thought disorders like Asperger’s syndrome or Dyslexia were difficult to deal with. How na├»ve! I think this is a fervent call to Madhur Bhandarkar to make a movie and capture the people’s real emotions....starring Himesh ji of course (my louuve and loyalty for him have certainly been time tested.)
The big question- Are we taking ourselves too seriously? And what is this whole ‘privacy’ ka funda? If the information you provide is soooo private and confidential then why put it up in the first place? It makes least sense and frankly, I consider it downright stoopid!

About the addiction saga, what exactly is addictive about a ‘website’? Poking friends??? Commenting on status messages?? My own personal take is that if these things qualify for addictive, then the right place ought to be ‘rehab’....one that teaches basic tenets on how to get a life!
The amateurish knowledge I have of the website, tells me it’s all pretty logical and simple....You go to privacy settings and take your pick. What’s so difficult about that?

On a final note, let me recount an interesting problem about a guy who said his pictures were ‘unsafe’. Now if a girl had said that, it would make sense....but a guy? What is the possible danger that he could face?
Okies...me thinks and thinks....Yaba daba doo....and Sadiya arrives at the following startling answers-
1- Maybe he is scared that random people will take his photo shoto and substitute his head for Jerry’s and put it in their cartoon.
2- Maybe he thinks aliens too have access to Facebook and they will identify him as their Mars ki Ganga ke kumbh mele wala long lost brother.
3- Maybe he was a criminal and has done plastic surgery....hence he is afraid that expert cosmetic surgery wale will recognize him and do his parda faash.....No he is not afraid of phaasi jaise cheap things......but frets not being able to throw sheep at other people in jail....no FB there na!
Yes, I think those many are enough to send a few hiccups his way!

Thursday, June 17, 2010

Dwaar ki ore prasthaan karey!


If you want to see yourself as a CA someday, you had better attend a few classes……such is the advice that jaane maane log will give you ekdam freee freee.

So in my quest to pursue this, I enrolled myself for accounts classes……Like most new things that I try, this too turned out disastrous……The class started at 6 am in the morning ….upto 8.30am……the mostttt agonizingggg two and half hours that Sadiya’s history has witnessed…..for a month!

Now although I live in Chennai, that does not mean I have adapted to the routine followed here and my day does notttt in any circumstance start before 9.30am…..Frankly I don’t think that’s very late either…..contrary to South Indian belief as it may be.

So as is obvious, I had to change this 9.30 wala attitude and rise and shine at 5.30 am…….4 hrs sooner!
If you want to get up that early,
One alarm- No use
Two alarms- Also no use
Three alarms- Might be some use as someone in the house will wake up and scream the hell out at you for ruining their sleep….that way at least you have a fresh start…..now not only is looking good at such an inhuman midnight hour, out of question…..even looking presentable is an issue…..my course of action obviously was to pick the first thing that I could get hold of…..matching aur sab gaya tel lene.

And then had to rush from home….Without breakfast was bad…..and still worse was when in the car, the FM would play onlyyy Tamil music……and the RJ said some words that went round and round in his mouth…..like he was choking…..only he sounded exhilarated enough to make you think he was hanging from a parachute……yeah I don’t understand Tamil but 6am is not a good time to tell someone that.

And after the lousy start and 20 minute drive, when I finally reached the class, no surprises everyone had already arrived and the only seats available were on the first bench….Ahh Crap!

Sitting there with chalk powder falling like snow flakes on my head or staring in Mr. Nagarajan’s (prof) red eyes……can’t tell which one was worse….either ways, had to pretend I understood everything…..which I didn’t, considering my eyes were open but mind sound asleep…..so nodded for most things…....nothingggg, I repeat nothingggg went into my head…..I didn’t care if we were 'reconstituting' or 'amalgamating' companies…Hell I didn’t even care if we gave the damn company to charity……. The only time I actually concentrated was when it was nearing 8.30 and he said it was the laaast question…..that’s when my eyes would open wide with happiness…..I can’t even tell you the jasmine cum insence sticks smell in the background…..awful!

A lot of people attending these very classes…pure Tamilians you can be sure……. even told me of how nice it was to be learning something first thing in the morning and seeing the sunrise…..(My reaction….Blink….blink…What?)

Now I don’t want to sound unromantic or anything and I do appreciate Mother Nature…..but what’s the big deal about seeing the sun rise? Isn’t it the same as sunset? Course one is east and the other is west….but then again can you really tell the difference? I mean I know left is west and right is east but if you turned 180 degrees then the erstwhile east would be west and the erstwhile west would in actual fact turn into east? I can tell you are not with me now. Hee.

So if you can’t tell the difference then why bother troubling yourself so early to see something whose exact reverse replica you can see, say 12 hours later? Doesn’t make sense no?

And finallyyyy after one month of torture, I quit! Reason being, if I wouldn’t flunk for attending those classes, then I surely would if I followed this crazy routine for much longer…..All I would hear the prof say anyway was blah blah bloo….bloo blah blii bloo…..definitely not worth my time…..not even if he was paying me to listen to him.

End of the story…….did finally get through…with 50 marks….and I will not give those classes credit for even a quarter mark…..burning the midnight oil I consider is far better than lighting the lantern before dawn and carrying it on my head.

This however was a good six months ago. So why am I talking about it now? Because my maasa and baapusa want me to enrol for it again!! Huney main ki kara! :(

IAS is not halwa


This is something everyone around me tried telling a good hundred times......but NO I didn’t take them seriously. To begin with, I had 'company' with whom to write the exam (That the 'company' was posted at a completely different centre, didn’t play spoilsport in my upbeat attitude of acing this ‘thing’). Well yeah so the exam comprised of two segments....General Knowledge and another Optional Subject (I chose Commerce).....Right... So with zero preparation, I went to the exam hall. This might I tell you, was the first time I everrrr wrote an exam without studying a syllable.....and I was excited!.....Plus, karna hi kya hai...just pick one of four options! Easy!


First the exam centre......when we studied in school that Gautam Buddha went in search of enlightenment to a quiet place, what we didn’t follow then, was it might have been somewhere in the vicinity of Vaishno Govt. School.....totally out of city limits, the road from the entrance to the class can only be described as walking in the middle of the Sahara desert with the climate giving me a free sauna treatment......in other words, it was a God forsaken place.....No, but even that didn’t ruin my happy mood.


About the class, there was no paint, no doors and no windows!! But then what was I expecting? AC to blow in my face?....Right so I sat on the bench and was all set to take on this ‘thing’.
The first I assumed would be the General Knowledge round and so did a mental revision on the capitals of as many countries as i could recollect......
Hall ticket- Check
Pencil + pen- Check
Confidence- Check. No actually Double Check.


And then the paper was distributed by some aunty type lady.....it was a booklet and weighed wayyyyy more than I had imagined.....chalo no problem.....opened it.....Ok bouncer.......the paper wasn’t General Knowledge!! It was Commerce!.....It was even written in bold letters on my hall ticket all the time... but apparently I was too andhooo to see it!.....Told myself.....Big Deal oye!…What difference does it make anyway?......As for the paper, I didn’t understand most of the questions itself.....and that’s after reading them a good 3 or 4 times....If by chance I understood the question, I didn’t know the answer and in the least likely event of understanding both the question and the answer, the options read like……
1- a
2- b
3- both a and b
4- neither a nor b
So even if I knew the answer to be one option I wasn't fully sure of it not being the other as well, and hence, most of what I answered was based less on my knowledge of Commerce and more on my knowledge of Probability. And when time was up, I didn’t even complete my paper!!


The next segment was after a 2 hour break. (Why why why????? What are people supposed to do for 2 hours in the middle of nowhere? 'Revise' I guess. After the condition of the school, I didn't even dare to venture into what the wash room might be like)…..Special thanx to Aditya Kulkarni for helping me survive those 2 hours (his blog- a musttt read)….and then came the much awaited second session.


This time I was a little less elated than the first time….but very optimistic all the same…..unfortunately the enthusiasm was outlived soon after reading the first question itself…..it was another language!....there was nothing ‘general’ as the name had suggested…… From different varieties of seeds of crops to years in which unheard leaders were born, it was all there. This paper at least I completed…..did a mental eenie meenie miney moe….so went rather smooth.


At the end of it, I can only say that my respect for multiple choice based examinations has gone up a great deal! Unfortunately it was an OMR sheet so can’t even except some marks for good handwriting :(......wondering....would it have helped if I had marked heart shaped circles?

Sunday, June 13, 2010

Football shootball hai rabba


Of all the annoying things, there is a new intrusion in my comfy world.....and just when I was trying to keep up with the rest of the planet, keeping track of all controversies with red sarees and 26 year old gas tragedies (that’s wayyy before I was even born! Kya kya karma padta hai!).......I almostttt nearly made a headway in making my conversations sound above average intelligent, and dhapaakkk se there came a moment out of the blue that left me stumped......football....soccer.... whatever....(Yeah I know Fifa World Cup comes every 4 years but obviously I wasn’t paying attention.)


Doubt- Since when did we become so passionate about football? Everyone is talking about it.....every second person on Facebook has an update that reads- theme song waka waka....?????..... ‘Waka Waka’??....Is that the best they could come up with?..... I’m sorry if I am being presumptuous or hurting someone’s sentiments, but I personally feel even kooku kooku sounds better.....No?


And India is not even playing! So why are we so exuberant? Even the newspapers read.... All upset because Nelson Mandela didn’t show up at the opening ceremony! Hello Hello!!! Now we have left Shah Rukh Khan and Barack Obama to become Nelson Mandela’s fans???? Really?
In my opinion there could be only 2 possible reasons for this hairatangez obsession to be infused into our pure Indian veins....


One, being a dimple wala praani.......John Abraham......he came on CNN IBN, said some gibberish about players who were always his favorites (don’t ask me who, cos I can’t even pronounce those names).......and promised to give his ‘expert’ views on football......(maybe he wanted to show his girlfriend that if footballers she likes, then this is as close as gets with an Indian....wo Ronaldo and Bips....uhmm....yaad hai na?).......and next thing you know he has become a footballing icon.......frankly I think a vast majority of the game's new supporters don't even know a tad of the game, let alone its history (Hate to display my ignorance on the subject but skeletons in my own closet include the fact that I don’t even know the teams playing!)......Oh parantu the one thing I do know is the teams qualifying for the finals are generally France and Brazil......If they make it this time, then don’t feel shy about coming back to me and saying what a psychic star I am.......if not, then well maine to pehle ki kaha tha na ki I don’t know anything.


Second reason being, our sharmnaak loss at the Cricket T20 World Cup......They say the best way for a guy to get over a girl who dumped him, is to....well obviously get another girl........we seem to have applied this very same formula for sports too....cricket let us down so now we are glorifying football.....and its better this way cos whoever wins, at least we don’t lose!


Way to go!.....Only problem is, I will be left blinking cos I can’t give my vishesh tippani on any discussion and sound usual chakachak :(