Friday, March 26, 2010

The Little Mongoose


Jabse aarambh hua hai the IPL3, there is one soul getting more mileage than even Shahrukh Khan and Preity Zinta (sorry to say Shilpa Shetty falling wayyyy behind)….this little innocent miracle, being a piece of wood- a cricket bat to be precise…..although jaageer of the Chennai Super Kings….. so much has been the hype surrounding it by the entire country….with every analysis made on its ‘unique’ shape, size and features……. that the poor bat itself is starting to cave into the pressure…….it must be thinking…..sab ghoor ghoor ke dekh rahe hai….mummyyy!

Now I was wondering what the inspiration behind this little creation may have been, and here’s 3 things I worked out…

1- Harry Potter- Yes you read it right…..and no I’m not crazy and sleep talking…..arey pehle sun to lo……the bat manufacturing wala’s probably saw Harry Potter and were influenced by his broom ‘The Thunderbolt’…Kya Adaa, Kya Jalwe tere Harry!…..and thought…..hey C’mon let’s create a bat like that…...course the short and geeky Harry had to be replaced by the burly and macho Hayden….in case you didn’t notice dono ka name also starts with ‘H’…..See! Maine to pehle hi kaha tha!

2- Gilli danda- Know what gilli danda is?......miniature version of cricket…this is what the batwaala’s must have imagined…..even you can close your eyes and imagine…..I mean pehle read, then close your eyes……Ok here- Ishaant Sharma is running, running…..and you can hear the sound chan chan chan…..nooo its not the sound of some purani haveli ke bhoot ki paayal (mad or what!)…..its the chains he wears…..haa so anyway he’s running, running and zoom comes the gilli to our burly Hayden…..matlab our modern hero who can say cool accent main ‘Yo dude, Wassup dude’…. wearing a yellow kurta pajama…(kurta tucked into the pajama…tol u na he’s modern)….holding the danda and fatakkkk…..he tosses the gilli seema rekha ke us paar!!!!!!!.......Uff dho daala……yes time out….come out of the imagination as did the batwaala’s…. and thus created this magical bat.

3- Rajnikanth!!- I’m a Chennai wali….How can I not mention this?.......probably inspired from Rajni Anna when they saw his movie…….they must have seen him ghumaao his dupatta itna isstyle se… then with one stick do 25 mushtandaa log ka dhulaai single handedly……if one stick can do so much damage then how much is the scope of a mongoose bat with a finer blade and scientific design ?....So that’s how the revolution came……thoda cinema, thoda mathematics and thoda science tooroorurururuuuuuuuu……..latest invention tayyar!

Bas itne hi ideas coming to mind as of now…….will think some more as when I get bored of studying….and if you are also jobless then even you can think and tell me…

Last words- For people wise enough to call a spade a spade, maybe you should just call a bat a bat. It’s not thaaat big a deal!

Thursday, March 25, 2010

The Axe Effect


We had the Doppler Effect…..then came the Joey Effect and the newest phenomenon is what happens to be termed as the Axe Effect….a case of societal preferences taking a serious dip!

So what is this Axe Effect? Allow me to explain….You look like a dud…..and then you chidko this magical Axe Deo potion…next thing you are a stud with a good thousand pataakaas doing your peecha. Oh and the guy doesn’t say Bachaao Bachaao!!!…No surprises!…..
Bottom line…Buy the product….Use it and you become the nukkad ka newest hottie. Cool na?

Hello whatever happened to our sanskaar and stuff?? If anything at all, its embarrassing!….And I have a serious doubt….just for the sake of argument even if these commercials were true, what happens if all the guys started using it…..wouldn’t it leave the situation exactly the same as where it began?

And that’s not all….you even have it in a chocolate flavor!!!!!......Why in the world would anybody want to smell like chocolate??? Just watching the Cadbury Silk advertisement with hands covered in chocolate put me off as gross……this is like all of you smelling with it…AND HERE YOU DON’T EVEN GET TO EAT THE CHOCOLATE!…Am I falling behind in fashion sense or are people just losing their hinges by the day?

Honest to the T, I think these Axe wala’s need to get creativity that has at leasttt 1% substance to it…….you can’t roll the same crap in different formats…..and if the money is really too heavy for the pocket to handle, then might as well give it to charity! Kisi ka bhalaa ho jaayega plus saves you from going to hell as a dushtt paapi!!!

Tuesday, March 2, 2010

Kuch meetha ho jaaye?

This here is my experience of a party I went to yesterday….it was an aunty-log-get-together with me the junior artist prying into their business…not that I wanted to or anything....was rather forced into it...well anyway....so here's how it went..

As soon as my show stopping appearance was made...everyone gasps..... hhhh... Sadiyaaa!!! (Yes!!! I still look like me!)....then started the whole air- kissing drama.....its where you almosttt hug the person but not really. Aha! (probably cos you don’t want to crease your clothes)…and then kiss their cheek and that again almosttt but not really…so actually u just kiss the air…Mmwaahh!! Easy!

Then followed some boring conversation mostly weight centric after which came the food…..first things first …I don’t like outside food…so the approach itself was negative….and what arrived on plate was mostly edible so had that through and the marathon seemed almost over…then again…not really!

Dessert!! was the call……okies dessert main kyaa hai!!...Payasam…..its this awful South- Indian brown color jaggery sweet thingy that despite your best efforts, you justtttt cant swallow…looking at it, the panic alert signal went off in my head, so I tried my best to appear invisible….unfortunately my talents don’t extend to that genre yet…..so aunty picked me out and said
Aunty: Beta you didn’t have dessert??
Sadiya (sad expression): No aunty I’m not very fond of sweets. (Jhoot!)
But Uh- Ah….Teettt! Galat jawab!!
The correct answer would have been……No aunty the food was soooo fabulous and I gorged over it sooo much ki now I just can’t accommodate dessert….that probably is the Miss- India equivalent of saying…..I want world peace!
Aunty: But you musttt try this…its different! (like Kissan tomato ketchup?)
Sadiya: Uhh ok…just very little (phas gayiii. Yayyy me! :((( )
Exactly the saaame as I had expected….terrible……looked at my mom for rescue….she laughed and nodded (bole to….No way! You’ve taken it so You finish it). Great!
Held the bowl for a good 5 minutes….stared at it….hoping that just by looking, it would somehow disappear….but no miracle worked and the next course of action was obviously to dump it….but aunty standing there….hmm looks bad…..waited for her to get out of the way….and when I spotted her talking to a friend, I jaldi jaldi se went near the trashcan…. But Alas! She thought I wanted something and also came jaldi jaldi se to help me out….and there….. the whole case was aaine ki tarah saaf…..
Aunty: Oh! You didn’t like it?
Sadiya: *embarrassed to the power of infinity*…No I really don’t like to eat sweets. That’s why ( sooo lame!)
Aunty: (Ouch! I’m hurt)…Its ok!

Well I did try.......surprising how everyone else loved it so much…it’s just a case of mismatch in taste buds I guess….jo bhi hua.....finally khatam hua….hugged everyone and said bubbiee.
Verdict- Great hospitality…everyone was super sweet….payasam also suhooper sweet…..yeah had a really lousy time!