Tuesday, October 12, 2010

Confessions of a Couch Potato

If you take me in your team, you will lose. Period.

Once upon a time, in a land not so far away, there was a school that was genuinely famous for only 2 sports.... Kho- Kho and Throw-ball. And there was an average so so-ish girl...who for the sake of everyone’s convenience was a princess....as in me, your heroine. This is the story of her accolades in the sporting arena *Oh the things I get to do on my blog!! Balle balle!*

Kho- kho to begin with, is this game that the gaaoo ki gori’s play.....Oh don’t get this wrong..... our school girls gave it a whole new definition......there were girls who were actually kho- kho legends and played ‘pole tactics’ that would put global athletes to shame.....at least that’s how it appeared to me then.

Putting my self-obsessed foot forward, since MY kaarnaama’s in print is what is needed for a contest.....my take on the game was very simple. I thought it to be a piece of cake. You run, you catch. Easy!
Huh! Shock laga laga!!! For the first (and last) time I participated..... not only did I not succeed in catching a single girl, I also lost us our semi final match and no, I didn’t really care much about that....not because I’m mean (thoda thoda only), but because the sudden sitting and standing exercise all at once had made me so immobile, that I couldn’t even climb the staircase properly.....actually needed a friend to hold my hand as I climbed down one step at a time.....so much for kho kho.....and I told myself....Chahh.....dumb game....and what sort of a name is ‘kho kho’ anyway!

And then there was throw ball......which I gave a hand at too....but all my strength mustered together didn’t send the ball a few inches away from where I stood.....now imagine how desperate the team must have been to put someone like me on board....and then something terrible happened....the opponent team’s Mohamed Ali equivalent screamed “one-luv” and tossed the ball ye ghumaikeyyyyy..... next thing I knew, the ball jammed into my nose and I was on the floor.....course everyone was really nice to me then, with all the, ‘Are you ok dear’ kind of attention, but Alas! They put forth to me in the nicest way, that I needn’t be playing for them anymore. Buhooo!

Thennn to salvage the last shred of grace I had left in me, I cheered for them....but then whoever I cheered for, invariably messed up.
And that’s when my ex- team mates figured the divine sanket of bhagwaan.....That my presence is jinxed, and hence they sent me on to cheer for the opposition. Opposition lost! Muhahaha!!!!!!

There were other things I tried too......badminton, table tennis.....all the feathers of the shuttle cork came off after which my mumma refused to buy me another one and as with table tennis, well let’s just say I didn’t quite get the hang of how the service thingy is done. The only thing however, that I did do a good job, and mind you, even won a gold medal for, was The Grand Needle and Thread Race. Now that’s the sort of thing Olympics should be made of.

Despite my terrible success rate, till date I try my hand at a couple of sports that seem attractive and have minimal chances of me rendering irrevocable damage to myself or other players.....for instance two tappa (bounce) cricket with my brother and the other colony wala baccha log (it’s my fevretesttt sport of all time)...and I don’t want to brag, but I think I’m pretty good at it......after getting two chances of batting (cos I’m a girl!! Like duh!!).....I almost score as high as 20 runs on a bright sunny morning.....if that’s not talent, dude I’d like to know what is!

It’s too bad that my boss pays me so poorly and I can’t afford to go to Delhi, else I just may have won two or three medals for myself. Ahh well! Might as well just settle for watching IPL on SET Max with my big bag of Lay’s.......Sirjiii it’s dillogical!



Obsessivemom said...

That was a fun piece Sadiya... enjoyed it. Good luck.

Someone Is Special said...

Fun.. Loved your memories..

Good luck for the contest

Sweet Madness

--Someone Is Special--

Brijender Singh said...

As much as i had enjoyed your views on the Battle of Haditha, i just LOVED this wacky side to you !
Ghumaaikey, Chaaah, Muhahaha-wat a piece !!
So quintessentially us-so basic and yet so telling.
Your use of these expressions adds a flavour to the words that brings out a whole new complexion in them, a dimension that conjures up an almost-exact visage of the protagonists frame of mind.
Just rocking !!

Sadiya said...

@ obsessivemom- thnx!! :-)

@ someone is special- thnx buddy....can always count on ur feedback...good luck to u too!

@ brijender- hehe surprised u checked back! n as for ur comment all i can say is i'm delighted to hav dat cumin from u...thnx a ton!....
plus congratulations! trust me if u hadn't won, i'd hav bn more upset dan u!! :-)

kiran said...

hehe:)You cheered for the opposition and it lost! It gave me huge fits of laughter! thoroughly entertaining....

A Restless Mind With A Sensitive Heart! said...

l Loved ur comic take on the topic! All the best!


Harish said...

That was a great introspective, best of luck...

mukul said...

straight from the heart that was the best part......your innocence was clearly visible

Md. Muddassir Shah said...

Wonderful Miss Sadiya :)
That was nice.
You watched housefull? are u something like akshay Kumar in that movie??
"You support opposition team and it looses'
Just kidding :P

A wonderful post. Totally enjoyed reading it :)

Md. Muddassir Shah said...

Thanks much for pointing out that article to me.
Spelling mistakes have been corrected :)
thanks again :D

Sadiya said...

@ kiran- hehe ya. my frns tease me abt it till date! :$

@ restless mind- thnx...good luck to u 2

@ harish- :-)

@ mukul- lol dat i presume is a gud thing. found ur comment funny!

@ muddassir- nah i havnt cn it. my bro sed it was awful! :-)

pixel said...

funny and fun to read...thanks!

Bikramjit Singh Mann said...

wowo i loved reading this made me smile and laugh .. wonderful the ghumaiyeke stuff

All the best


Md. Muddassir Shah said...

yes, I watched it for first few minutes and switched of the TV.
what? ofcourse I am not going to waste money to watch such crap in theatre ;O))

Sadiya Merchant said...

@ pixel- pleasure! :-)

@ bikramjit- hehe glad u liked it

@ muddassir- loses*, switched off*
Aaha...in d frst few minutes itself u figured his entire loser personality?? *shakk ki nazarrr*! :o

Anonymous said...

"getting two chances of batting (cos I’m a girl!! Like duh!!)" LOL!

I used to and still take advantage of this too! There was a day when I used to be the MOM(Man of the Match) for scoring 50s and taking wickets against my younger bro's team. But now he's a U-19 State player graduated to playing with season ball and gets me out on a duck even on apna ol' tennis ball. :( Times do change haa!

Ur post surely made a ROFL read. Had read it long back but felt like commenting now.

Ruchira said...

Hilarious ! reminded me of my childhood - I was not too good at sports either - except kho kho - I loved it :)

Anonymous said...

Hi, came here through BlogAdda.
Your post is really funny. Enjoyed reading it :)

Congrats :)

Sadiya Merchant said...

@ coolkamikazecat- ok wat does dat name mean!! tough spello yaar! n hey u shud try playin with those green n orange plastic balls on the terrace...n create a new rule that above a certain height is out...watch dese state level wala hi- fi bhaai log fall like a pack of cards....even my bro acts all 'shaana' in front of me....tried n tested solution hai ji! :-)

@ ruchira- hehe u wer bad too- dats a lot of solace! but i jus haaate kho kho

@ momofrs- merci :-)

Anonymous said...

Hey Sadiya! Read the last para to know what Kamikaze means. And yeah he beats me in that format too yaar. 'Cos I have this irrepressible habit of hitting the ball high for a 6 and then just when I am elated, I find that the ball has gone above the terrace wall and landed in the garden and I am out :( He gets me everytime with his lollipop full toss balls. He's cute though and always gives me a second chance :) Would love to hear your comments on my entry. Do visit some time.

Sadiya Merchant said...

lol...its a lost cause den :-)

Haya said...

in 12th grade we put u in the throwball team and u used to stand fixed like a poll and not move and inch from ur place, the ball wld have to come u!! and we were desperate then for sure!!

Sadiya Merchant said...

@ haya- assalamualaikum!
lol! yeahhhh i had completely forgotten dat....i think it was ruksana who forced me into it.... n she was like don worry u don hav to do anythin....jus move away wen d ball cums n we will tk cr of it....its a diffrnt thing nobody took care of it n we lost d frst match itself...honestly....even if it was our entire team vs. jismy alone, we wud hav still lost.... so no hard feelings! :o