Thursday, November 18, 2010

It’s a guy thing!

No, no this isn't going to be a feminist write up where I will trash the ladka log.......just an attempt at stating their hatkey-ness.

Up and counting please. Presentingggg all the weirdness about guys that I don't any level...and in anyyy circumstance!

Disclaimer- This is a sole observation of the guy folk around me and does not generalise, so kripya don't be offended. (Blah! Not really...sab aise hi hai :P)

Okies starting haa ab-

What's their obsession with hair?- Mosttt of them I know just stand in front of the mirror and keep doing something something to it. Chalo no problem....but then at the end of that 'something' wouldn't it be justified for the hairstyle to look at leasttt 1% different? But na ji na! It looks exactlyyy the same! And when that doesn't work, they try stuff like hair gel (Oooh those 'Set Wet' commercials!).....Here's how it appears in my vision.......door se it looks like you have used uttam quality ka coconut oil.....and when you touch it, it's sooooooooooo sticky! Yikes! How can people put this stuff in their hair? Or maybe my fashion sense is not good. (Yaba daba doo. Nah! Can't be that!)

Driving is all about manhood- Seriously did you know this? If you want to take revenge on your ex, this is the sure shot way to get it done. Tell him his driving sucks.....My guess is, that will leave him scarred for life.....Ok maybe that's a bit too much....but then so is this emotion....Every guy thinks he is the best driver in the world.....And nope it doesn't end there. He also deep down thinks that all women drivers are the biggest bane to traffic etiquette....if there is a traffic jam and a woman is the cause, you can mostttt certainly catch them rolling their eyes. Course, if the jam is due to them, then that's just cos they got plain old 'unlucky'. Men!

Asking for directions is the cheapesttt thing to do. Someone put it in their head ki if you ask for directions, then that means you're actually saying.......I'm so dumb...I have no life.....I can't even find the road by myself....I want to die with shame.....Why else would it be so much of a problem? And when the ladki log offer to help, this is what we get 'Shhh! Will you please be quiet!' Is that rude, or is that rude!

And what's the deal with ringing the door bell so many times? From my brother to the sabzi wala to the postman.....bas no patience at all baba! They just ring and ring and ring until you think you might go crazy or deaf. Why is it so difficult to understand that if someone ain't getting the door, its cos they might be in the middle of something important? In the washroom? On the phone?? Kitchen on fire??? Arey bhaai kuch bhi ho sakta hai na!

Another thing is their obsession with news. And course I too believe it's important. But kitna?? All day long??? I remember when I was a kid, my dad would watch soooo much news that I grew up thinking it's the only thing that comes on TV and became wary of the idiot box itself!

Everything is sexy. If you accidentally find yourself in the middle of a place with too many guys, that is one word you're going to have to get used to....cos besides, girls.........there's cars, bikes.....once at a friendly cricket match I even heard people cheering 'sexy shot' for a sixer scored.......My reaction- ???? Uhh usme 'sexy' kya tha? No I didn't say that! Mad or what!

Lack of shopping skills. When you go to a shop to buy something, you are obviously going to check out all the stuff available and pick the best. Makes sense? Now if you don't like anything, you will come out empty handed. Ok na? But nahi. If the salesman has taken trouble to show it to you then the guys ka manual says that you mustttt buy something! Anything really. Toothpick bhi chalegi. Main poochti hoo why? Isn't showing stuff his job? What's soooo embarrassing about not buying anything?? Free main to nahi de raha na????? But no. To them it's apparently oh so I'm- not-coming-with –you-next- time-ishhhhhhh.

Then there is a lot more like this whole ritual of never washing clothes, being over protective of your behna like someone is just waiting to kidnap her.....could go on..... but I suppose enough said.

And course, the point in question, what do they want?
Putting it in one of my fevretesttt Aastha tv pravachanist's....Sri Sri Seinfeld-eshwar Baba ka words,

"Women know what men want, men know what men want, what do we want? We want women, that's it! It's the only thing we know for sure, it really is: we want women. How do we get them? Oh, we don't know 'bout that, we don't know. The next step after that, we have NO idea. This is why you see men honking car-horns, yelling from construction sites. These are the best ideas we've had so far.. The car-horn-honk, Is that a beauty? Have you seen men doing this? What is this? The man is in the car, the woman walks by the front of the car, he honks. This man is out of ideas. I mean what is he expecting? For the woman to stop and say "Hey you honked at me .. Ahhhh that's so sweet .. I never knew you felt this way!

The amazing thing is, that we still get women, don't we. Men, I mean, men are with women. You see men with women. How are men getting women, many people wonder. Let me tell you a little bit about our organization. Where ever women are, we have a man working on the situation right now. Now, he may not be our best man, OK, we have a lot of areas to cover, but someone from our staff is on the scene. That's why, I think, men get frustrated, when we see women reading articles, like: "Where to meet men?". We're here, we are everywhere. We're honking our horns to serve you better! "

Hee. Jai ho!

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namit said...

bad bad bad... :(
u cud have at least presented it in a sexy, i mean better way... :D

Anonymous said...

hey vry vry nice observations but theres lot more to b added to the list ,like the "Mard ko dard nahi hote" stuff or "main jhingur se nahi darta par ganda lagta hai, nahi to mar data and etc etc

Lubna naquib said...

hey the above post is mine Lubna Aunty

Sadiya said...

@namit- aahh...well judgin frm ur comment at least my 'research' was well in place :P

@lubna aunty- hiee!! lovely to c u here...abt the!...dats a really nice one....thnx fr d feedback! :)

AV said...

Hahaha! This was a li'l feminist, but very no complaints :P

A very interesting read, and I love your easy-going language, has a very good flow! Intensive observations, well presented.

Good job! Keep writing :)

Sadiya said...

thanx AV.....glad u liked it! :)

Anonymous said...

haha ... good observation
Looks like you like to talk a lot .. !!

Sadiya Merchant said...

@ anonymous- thnx! a lot?? emm no i dont think so....i mean enough to put wat i want to say across....i thinkkk...neway not sure on wat basis ur sayin dat really. :)

syeds said...

i think its your personal experience...kahiye naa

Md. Muddassir Shah said...

do you really want me to give you an opinion on this one? :)

Raksha Bhat said...

Hey Sadiya that was some point made and I loved it:)

varsha said...

Lol! Love the way you put it across- gussa par pyar se!

Ankita said...

LOLzzzzzzz...its hillarious...n very true observations...totally agree wid u..nice read...:)

subtlescribbler said...

haha...u r such a spontaneous writer with awesome comic timings. i loved the way u elaborated every single point.a light but a true post:) all d best!
btw r u a kashmiri by any chance? i have a friend who writes/speaks in a very similar fashion!

Sadiya Merchant said...

@ syeds- yep! guess i mentioned that up dere!

@ muddassir- actually yes...i'd love to hear it :P

@ raksha- thnx :-)

@ varsha- hehe dats a lovely comment!

@ ankita- glad u liked it

@ subtlescribbler- thnk yew....n kashmiriiii....hehe noo....don even want to go dere baba.....jab dekho kuch na kuch phoot-ta rehta hai! :o

Anonymous said...

Sadiya I soo love your style of writing....blogrolling you at once. Hope I take some inspiration from you and write - been a month since my last post.

MangoMan said...

:D Trying to hide the grin, let me try to defend my breed.

One, a girl mocking our relationship with hair! We do it 1o times a day for ten seconds each. You do it four times a day for 20 minutes each. You do the maths.

Two, Girls cannot drive. Period. Search Google Images for evidence.

Three, Weren't doorbells invented to be pressed????

Four, Sexy post!!!

Sadiya Merchant said...

@ coolkamikazecat- inspiration from me?? hehe think im gonna take a printout of ur comment n mk a photoframe of it....thnx btw n hope to c u in action real soon :-)

@ mangoman- wel u over :P

Anonymous said...

First time on your blog!!!!

Simply loved what you wrote!!!!! So right on the mark!!!

vineet said...

good 1, nicely written and damn guys r guys nt a flustered piece of cottonwool n i feel dats wer we score, ya n gal thng we do fall, in our genes i guess bt dat wat makes this life wrth livin

Sadiya Merchant said...

@ nilu- thnx. hav read ur blog too...refreshing :-)

@ vineet- dats true!

Anonymous said...

Well, Nice post.. First time on your blog and I loved it :)

Sadiya Merchant said...

@ sayedkhadri- yayy! :-)

Princess of The Dreamland said...

Heart felt.. :D

We women drive much better than these men.... ;)

Sadiya Merchant said...

i soooo agree wid dat. cos dere is dis thing calld 'technique' n v actually bother to tk note of it at drivin school, unlike most guys who r drivin wayy wayy b4 18!

Princess of The Dreamland said...

hahhaha.. :D

I love the way you write :*

Sadiya Merchant said...

*tks a bow* :)