Wednesday, June 30, 2010

What's the Prograaam!


Well I participated for two contests. The first- crush thingy totally flopped and the ladies log ka wants got some 100 odd entries, so the chances that I will make it, seem big time zero! But all is not lost! I can still win that precious mug. Noooo I don’t want the t-shirt, thank you.

How?- Simple! By writing for a fresh contest that seems custom made for me.......Over the top imagination is all it needs and I can’t help thinking this is the sort of stuff I could do justice to. (Read- I have a lot of free time.)


Ok chalo the topic now.....Suppose I had a remote that gave me the power to be invisible!!! Of the little knowledge I have of myself, I am positive that after finding it, I would flip out completely!!! Get in a state of panic alert, then think of the upside and cool off after a bit. In fact I would even do a clumsy dance, give myself a mental hi5, jump on the bed till I got tired and thennnn get down to business. From the limitless uber cool possibilities, I would like to present my humble list of 5 things. And whatever the outcome, I am positive I would do better than Tushar Kapoor in Gayab.

But before that, there is one thing that I would like you to assume as given.....You know saves lengthy explanations later.
Which is, now that I’m invisible, I have all the money in the world. How? By looting Sukhilala, the money- lender off course. (Yes the same guy who troubled our Sanju baba’s mumma in Mother India....or his son or grandson or whoever is in charge now.) I mean I could trace the dude’s ‘tijori’ ka number and steal the money when he is sound asleep. Not that I have done these things before, but hey, ‘Do the new’.... That’s what the commercials say right?

Cut to the real deal.

First things first, you can’t trust China ka maal these days and I could bet that’s where the invisibility remote hails from, so what’s the guarantee this magic handset won’t suddenly decide to dump me? Which is why, it is most important to prioritize, and give top bhaav to my own personal requirements. So what I intend is, pay a visit to the examiners who are correcting my CA papers and do a ‘liberal revaluation’......No I won’t cheat.....blatantly.....Just give 70 marks in each subject......You might wonder why not 100......but aah that’s the master plan deekra. You see, nobody is that brilliant and I would definitely get caught after which jail main chakki peesinggg and peesing!!! Soooo better safe than sorry!

Secondly, I would get access into Bal Thackeray’s office and give him one tight slap......tishcaaooo.....Why? Because I haaate him!!! Cha maila! Marathi Maanus my foot. Bullying people, burning down theatres, scaring my beechaar Shahrukh Khan, forcing everyone to speak Marathi!! If this man isn’t stopped, he will end up making saffron kurtas the official dress code of Maharashtra (plus a rosary maybe).
Oh and before leaving I would also leave an urgent message from his office to put my blog address on front cover of ‘Saamna’ as a must read.......Hee kya kare control nahi hota!

Thirdly, I would go for a world tour...stay in all the bestestttt hotels and make sure to visit their kitchen on the last day of my stay. Thennnn I would switch on the remote, and chupke se add excess salt in all their dishes.....Jis thaali main khaaya usi main namak!! Muhaha!...Phir kya? Just stand by and witness the tamaasha that unfolds. Tooruru!

Fourth!- Yet another very important task. The Venu! (refer to 2 posts ago where you will get the complete story....But do that later.....First read this).....Yeah so Venu is my colleague cum expert pravachanist who has white hair and has made Sadiya’s life miserable!! Now here’s what I will do- Have you watched The Runaway Bride? (Its coming on TV now btw)....There is this part where Julia’s friend colors Richard Gere’s white hair to all shades of the rainbow.....Ditto!....Only thing I would use color that wouldn’t wear out for a year at least!!! (Me thinks I should do that to Hithakshi Ma’am too....My teacher.....She was really nasty to me in school and I still have scary dreams about her sometimes.)

And finally, I need to do something good. Why? Because after doing so much damage Allah is going to be really angry with me and thennn me will pakka pakka go to hell. So just to even things out, I think I would like to do something for the world.......Idea! (jo badal de sabki duniya!) I would collect all the weapons and burn them down in the middle of the Sahara desert......also read some sci-fi books on how to deactivate nuclear bombs (or whatever it is that you do to get rid of them) and thennnn khalaaaas.....no country will remain more powerful than any other. Hence, no wars and therefore WORLD PEACE!!!!! Yippeeee! (Oh that Miss India feeling is starting to well up!)

Now that 5 things are done, well I think I will just retain all the money (go on a shopping spree, invest some in real estate, get a car....put the rest in some Swiss Bank account) and burn the remote. I would say throw it in the Indian Ocean but then what if someone else finds it? They might misuse it you know! *angel expression* :)

Rolling credits

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4 comments:

alchemist said...

a nice list of things to do :D

Sadiya said...

thnx! :)

GNSD said...

haha... Very nice. naughty and cute!

Sadiya said...

zenk yeww :)