Wednesday, April 21, 2010

Mad, Mad Money

It just struck me that as part of graduating and being a CA student, I have studied Commerce for almost 6 years now…...and courtesy that, I have been subjected to every possible genre that has anything to do with money……Wherever there is scope for a rupee to be earned or saved, it has been judiciously elaborated upon in one of our million text books….to a point where in a modest sense I believe I have covered a majority at least, if not all of what needs to be known about finances.

And yet despite putting all these years, the very field that deals with nothing but money, has failed to provide me with any kind of fortune as would be expected after having so much understanding of the object itself………On the contrary, doctors and engineers who do not know the ‘M’ of Money, are making ‘M’ for Millions and ‘M’ for Me is still earning peanuts and maaring ‘M’ for Makkhi’s.

How come? And more importantly why? If someone has a one hundred Crore rupees to invest then how does it matter if he loses a lakh because his investment does not yield ‘optimum return’? In all likelihood he wouldn’t even notice it! And the guy he is losing the money to, is probably more in need of it anyway. Plus, why should I care about your money when I have none of my own? It’s not like I get commission for it right?

That’s one thing said. Another is, despite all the stuff we have been taught, I don’t think any of it gives real answers to real questions.

For instance-
Question- I earn 10 lakhs…how much tax do I need to pay?
Sadiya- After 2 minutes of thinking…..Its actually a little complicated if you ask off hand…depends on a lot of things...source, exemptions etc. (In other words, pata nahi…need a pen, paper, calculator, 5 different forms, 10 different bank statements and however long it takes for you to run out of patience.)

Question- What kind of investment do you think I should put my money into?
Sadiya- Depends (Read- No idea. Something that sounds less fancy maybe.)

Question- Is it wise to take a home loan
Sadiya- Depends on repayment scheme and interest rates (Oh wait I don’t know. Cos they didn’t tell me in my 1000 page text book!!!! )
Question- How do I start a company?
Sadiya- Company ko maar goli….let’s talk about food and clothes.

But hey nothing to worry….at least I know all about the journal entries required in case my partner dies……….Only trouble is, I don’t have a partnership firm! Judging from my stipend, chances look bleak for at leasttt the next 60 years…..unless I sold all my books to the kabaadi wala and that’s where my first fifty grand will come from…..Yayy! Can’t wait! Then I’ll invest all that money and try to maximize my return on equity……and maybe pay thousand bucks to some future Sadiya Merchant look alike who knows how to calculate it, cos I DON’T REMEMBER THE DAMN FORMULA!!!

Honestly, I hope this is the inside story for all other professions too…. Cos then at least we wouldn’t be the only stooopid people studying worthless stuff and burning the raat ke dhaai baje ka oil…..except doctors….Let’s hope they know what they are doing!!!

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