Thursday, December 23, 2010

Average irregular lovers

This post is written for BLOGESHWAR and Anubhooti
Afternote- I won!! Yayy! :D


They were an ordinary couple. The type who never stood out at any gathering. They didn’t profess their love for each other in an outlandish manner. Mir never bought flowers for her and Heena never lit those fancy scented candles in the house. They kept each other happy with living up to the little that was expected of them. He replenished the basic household requirements; she cooked the meals and helped supervise their cafe.

Running a cafe had always been her dream. The sound of mindless chatter, the jingle of laughter, the echo of expressions that meant different things at each pitch...she often looked at those people and wondered what her voice may have been like. Maybe it would have been the confident orator like; or a little shrill....maybe childish.....and would soon lose herself in a reverie of pleasant dispersed thoughts until someone came round at the counter only to catch her bright 100 watt smile.

A pretty package covers up the product’s inner flaws. Smiling was Heena’s idea of taking the onlookers attention away from her inability to talk....short lived as it may be. The world however had tried to convince her that she was different. Her mother had said she was talented. Mir had told she was special. The one trait however that everyone agreed unfailingly upon was that her eyes could talk.
Could they?

As she and Mir were on their way to the cafe, Heena’s gaze stopped at a dress in the display case of an uptown designer store. Beautiful was an understatement given the task to describe it. Made of white satin and a tinge of lilac that melted with the white, it looked stunning in the display. What only helped was the sunlight that got all the pearls in it to glow ever so much to make it look fitting for an angelic attire. She was spellbound. Suddenly she had the craving to touch the soft gleaming fabric....

And she heard Mir’s voice behind her. ‘Like it?
Broken from her thoughts, she fiercely nodded a ‘NO’.
He smiled, held her hand and they walked on. The dress stayed on her mind.

That afternoon as Mir left the cafe on his way to the electricity office, he asked the customary, ‘Want me to get something, on the way back?
She smiled and nodded to mean no.
Okie Dokie! How about the dress then’, he said, winked at her and left before she could react.

Really? Would he?
All day long, her thoughts were caught in the same loop.
He doesn't believe in this gift giving ritual.
He may not find the time.
Maybe he was kidding.
Maybe it’s too expensive.
He may not know if it fits me.
But it did look my size.
Would it be in a silver gift wrapped box?
She warned herself not to get carried away.
But her vow didn’t last.
She imagined herself frolicking with the dress in front of the mirror.

As he returned in the evening, she greeted him with expectant eyes and the prettiest smile ever. He smiled back, patted her head and moved towards the kitchen.
There was no package.
No gift.
No surprise.
No dress.
Why hadn’t her eyes spoken? Why didn’t they tell him she wanted it? Why had they failed her? She tried to be extra chirpy and pushed away the thought with her signature smile but it wouldn’t come. Her smile too had deserted her.

An hour later, as she returned from rolling down the blinds, a package sat at the counter table.
Confused, she opened it and there shone back in its finest beauty a white dress. HER white dress.
Attached to it was a card that read, ‘I told you my dear, your eyes speak....Love, Mir’
Her heart danced. She smiled. Her natural lopsided, warm smile.
With zero effort.

Half an hour ago,
As he walked back into the cafe, he scanned to see the strength of the customers and bubbling at the counter was his wife, barely able to contain her excitement, poised with a childish lithe. She seemed different. Cheerful. Expectant. He entered the kitchen and looked back at her to examine the reason for this happiness , but what met him was a sad, dejected face. The sudden change in so little time surprised him. Surely he had done something wrong. But what.
Had he forgotten something? He tried to recollect their last conversation. What did he miss? And he remembered. The dress? Did she want the dress?
He dialled the helpline and got the store number- Unavailable.
He rushed from the back door and ran a mile to the store- Shut.
He turned to leave.
He had tried. She would understand that. He thought of her sad eyes. And he thought of her expression if he got it.
He bribed the security guy to let him in, picked the dress from the mannequin, left the money on the counter with a note,

Took the white dress....I don’t generally do this, but what can I say....I think my wife kinda liked it.

Tuesday, December 14, 2010

Shining clean muskaan

Chamatkaar hui gawaaa! :-)))

Has it been a while since you read some silly, stoopid stuff? Tension mat lo!!!! That’s the precise reason why I maintain a blog. Ab boss demand hai to supply to banta hai na :-)

Ok cut to the topic now. And wo to aap samajh hi gaye honge....what with the gracious and oh-so-expressive pic up there.

After all my mehnat and research, presentinggggg the very hyped and interesting world of......toothbrushes and toothpastes!

Main bataa took me hours and hours of watching soap operas in waiting for the relevant ads to make an appearance....Ahh Murphy’s want an ad to be showcased and it will play the lukka chuppi....then you really want to know what happened with Dolly Bindra palpitating and bang! in the middle of that it chooses to say.... Paaiye total muh ki super clean suraksha. Main kya ji...Thank yeww! :P

And may I tell you the commercials just blew me away. Like totallyyy! Picture this. Two brushes tied together. One to clean your teeth and the other to clean your tongue....So first thing in the morning you force them together in your mouth....I mean is that creative or what! Oh and I almost forgot the ad with two brushes talking to each other and doting over their kid.....yes, that’s spelling mistakes, no typos....toothbrush log ka KID! Mmm how cool!

What’s even better is standing in the middle of a university, a guy all hendsumm in white coat and intellectual type, singles out a sundar shusheel kudi. Now what do you think his opening line would be? ‘How YOU doing!’ or maybe even something thakela like ‘Maine aapko pehle kahi dekha hai!’. Correct na?
Hehe....Oh you poor thing, Soooo wrong!
He will obviously ask her, ‘Kya aapko pata hai aapke muh main kitaanu panap rahe hai??' Like duhh!!! And thennn hold hold....what do you think happens next...she slaps him??? NOOOO! India main naye ho kya?
She allows him to take a scan of her teeth and gets uberly upset at the number of kitaanu...Alelele! Becchaaaar! :-((((

Also, isn’t it amazing that these dental association wala’s have nothing better to do than just keep brushing their teeth all the time in order to tell which one is the best? I mean think about it. So they have a record book with the names of various brushes and pastes. Then they try the first.
Colgate ok 9 on 10.
Pepsodent uhhh 7 on 10.
I hope they checked the Pepsodent brush with the Colgate paste. I mean dude! Science ka sawaal hai.... I am toh very particular about it haa!..... Absolutelyyy precise results hiii mangta hai!

What I don’t understand is, does anyone even listen to these ridiculous ads? Has anyone really tried Colgate with namak??? Bolo bolo! Tell tell!

Thursday, December 9, 2010

Just like that!

Aaj ke liye a simple and non messy post ...cos I am feeling good no yaar!

When was the last time you did something for no reason at all? As in something crazy that didn’t make sense to anyone....not even you?

I have come across millions of people who have a tagline or these days status updates that say.... 'I’m bored’, still more cases that remain ‘eternally bored’ and sometimes even ‘bored of being bored’. And I don’t understand it. Isn’t it weird that there is a whole world out there, so little time to live and yet people should sit and kill their lives sulking?

And then there are these set of people who question everything....even good things.....if a creative idea should ever strike them, they beat it down to pulp with stuff like, Why should I do this? How do I benefit from it? What will happen if I don’t? Maybe I’ll do it later...and tadaaa...the end of what could have, if not changed your life then at least made a memorable moment.

You get what I’m trying to say? Don’t lie. I’m sure you don’t.
Just this. It is my job to make projections and tell people to invest in what’s good for ‘be on the safe side’ and despite that, it flops. People make losses, huge ones at that. All those sciency calculations end up being mere speculations and meet the trashcan. So boss... Basically faida kya hua??? Why do so much planning and mehnat?

I mean why not for a change, just one day what you feel like? Like really really feel like on a sudden impulse? Even if that’s not the smartest thing....What if you tried making a never heard of soup with total no- no ingredients? What if you went to the park and played on the swing whose very existence is threatened by your weight? What if you watched a crappy soap opera and predicted every dialogue before it was actually delivered? Got wet in the rain? Blew bubbles with dishwashing liquid? Picked an old wind chime lying around the house, gift wrapped it *in the most shabby way, I understand...even using used wrapping cover* and gave it to your sibling? Took your bike on a never taken route and then got confused on how to get back home?

I don’t know how it works for everyone but I do know that nobody is ever busy enough not to find time for the stuff they really want to do. And nobody is really lonely unless they feel alone! Even if these things question your sanity or mess up your today, they definitely make great stories to tell to your grand children tomorrow......a lot better than, ‘hey kiddo, as a youngster, I used to be really bored’.....No?

Yep! Pravachan over.....get your blanky and go to sleep now. Until another bright, sunny day......Sadiya ka bubbieee! :-)

Wednesday, December 8, 2010

Do aur do paanch

I’ve been meaning to write a book review for a while now, but lately all the books I have been picking, have been one flop after another. So I thought maybe it actually would be a good idea to put down all flops together and make a list of 5 books never to read. Also, before I begin, I’d like you to know that the first three on the list are genuinely terrible and the last two are hugely popular, blockbusters *maha successful hit hit kinda books* that I didn’t like...chances are you will think differently. *long post ahead*

You see all of a sudden I had this craze of reading young Indian authors who wrote light stuff..... the types who don’t give dimaag pe too much stress...Never mind, the process ended up in making me feel more depressed than ever. Here’s a brief look at a few of my terrible encounters so far-

Oh shit, not again- By Mandar Kokate
The title of the book is precisely how I felt on reading this one. Of all the bad books I have read till date, this is the mind- numbing worst. It’s like there is this guy who is sitting at home during vacation....nothing to do, bored to death, so he decides...’Hey, why don’t I write a book! I could talk about my girlfriend and the hot aunty next door’.....Lucky for him, his dad’s a hot shot guy, who gets it published...result being, sirji’s magnum opus makes an appearance on the ‘best- selling’ shelf. Believe me when I say this, the writing is God awful; the plot...Oh there was a plot? Hmm missed it! Damn! I don’t even know how this guy made it to being an author. If he can write, I believe I can win The Nobel Prize! Oh yessss I’m thaaaat annoyed!

The Department of denials- By Anurag Mathur
This one, thankfully I didn’t buy and picked from the library instead. So time is the only thing I lost out on. I had read one other book, ‘Inscrutable Americans’, by the same author which was fairly alright, barring the profanities *which I have a very low tolerance for*...This book was basically my idea of time pass. So what happened? Nothing. Yes, just that. Nothing happened. The book starts with the guy wanting to be the Prime Minister of India. Now is it very wrong on my part to expect him to at least join politics in order to achieve his dream? No na? But nahi ji! From start to end, the author doesn’t know what he wants to say, the protagonist doesn't know what he wants to do. It’s like the guy becomes an engineer, doesn't get a job, uses dad’s influence to get a government job, finds a rich girlfriend, gets married...yalla story over.
What? Who? Where? Bwackkk! You won’t even bother asking all these questions cos you would have been soooo full on pakaaofied by the crassness of the story.

You are here- By Meenakshi Reddy Madhavan
The only extra points this scores over the previous two is, it is written and presented in a relatively better way. The plot however does very little to surpass the lowest possible standards. Actually it’s not even a story....just a ‘dumb’ confused uptown girl with an urban lifestyle. She gets dumped.... To get over him, she falls for another guy.....he fools around for a bit...finally she nails him down and then realises, ‘Oh I don’t need him cos I’m too damn good.’ Whatever!
Lust, lust, lust!.....Sanskaar gaye bhaad main!

There were other books too, like Piece of cake, Of course I Love you...till I find someone better, Almost single, The Zoya Factor, Keep off the grass......all of them huuuge disappointments! This probably explains why Chetan Bhagat sells like hot cakes...cos however he says it, at least there is some quality, some clarity of thought and some basic idea that is trying to be conveyed!

After these series of flops, I decided to go in for some seriously intellectual stuff. Turns out they were just wayyy too good and sophisticated for my little mind to gauge.

The Alchemist- By Paulo Coelho
99.9999% chances are, you have read it and most definitely heard of it.... and before the post mortem I must say the book was pretty awesome.... I can’t even imagine how anyone can come up with stuff like that. The writing, the ideas, the presentation, the size of the book...all hugely impressive. The prologue too I thought was the best that I have ever read!
Despite that, this book finds itself on the not so good books list because, truth to tell, I couldn’t relate with it at any level. The build up was so enormous and sooo many people claimed it to have changed their life that I perceived it to be a little out of the world. And it pretty much fell flat. Frankly speaking, I didn’t quite get what the whole omen ka chakkar was..... I mean....stones fall and that’s an see a bird and that’s an omen.....if it gets windy...yep that’s right... omen omen.....Sounds fancy....but when you sit back and think about it, it’s like....ok kya bakwaas hai ye!
Also, I’m very literally the materialistic kind and when you say ‘treasure’, I expect bags full of don’t give me that, and some crappy philosophy instead, I give you the thumbs down :P

The Fountainhead- By Ayn Rand
First of all, I can’t pronounce the name of the author....It all comes out really wrong when I say it....and no that’s not the reason why it’s being showcased *I’m not thattt unreasonable baba*
Yes, the book does have a story... and a very unusual one at that....with glitches of course.
To begin with, the very object of the author I thought was to give the reader a dose of the unexpected...which is most definitely a good thing.....only don’t contradict yourself in parts.
The story of 2 architects, one good one bad, their lives and as a moral of the story- how you are supposed to be free spirited and not care about other people’s opinions.
Peter, who you think is really normal and imperfect...just like likeable but then he goes and murders someone, so you lose the pitch right there. Then there is the other architect, Roarke, idealistic chap who is the good you think that’s what you are supposed to be like....but midway that too flops when he molests his girlfriend.....I’m sorry but no excuse, no soul- talk, however philosophical, is good enough to justify that! Also, there is a point where he says the problem with people these days is they want to impress, and a couple of pages down, in context to the building he has designed, and I quote, says,
‘If out of those thousands, one stops and sees it (the building)--that’s all I need’,
Make up your mind baba. Fickle, eh? Then there was his girlfriend Dominique, who is supposed to be the heroine.... the epitome of zero achievement, a retard and head weight the size that would bring down the entire Obama government. If I met someone like her, believe me I would slap her!
I read a good 300 pages with this outcome. 400 more? With dialogues like ‘He drank a
great deal of water; the cold, glittering liquid in a clean glass was intoxicating.’
Are you kidding me?
Nah! I decided I couldn’t take it much further. *quits*

Yes, so that has been the summary. Dude all I’m asking is for the book to have an iota of a good story that makes sense and if that’s too difficult, then at least let it be basic interesting!
Phew! Makes me value Pride and Prejudice so much more! :o

Something for you-
-What's the most fun book you’ve ever read.
- Also, if you have read any of the books mentioned above and think differently, lemme know!

Monday, December 6, 2010

Jab main chota baccha tha......

.....badi sharaarat karta tha.....meri chori pakdi jaatiiiiiii....
Ok c’mon please be serious. As a kiddo na, we (me and my bro) were never allowed to watch much TV so there was this whole craze about it. Also, at the time there wasn’t all this cable thingy and a hundred different channels. There was only one channel....Bahrain Television. That’s it! Either you watch it or you go to sleep.

The only Hindi movies that we ever saw used to be on Wednesday, 8 to 11 pm....and let me tell you they were THE most crappy ones you can imagine.....Weekly back to back runs of Mohra and Aayi Milan ki Bela.....I don’t blame you if you have never heard of them.

If you haven’t yet figured it, then this post is about our TV. You know these days they have all these fancy LCD’s and LED’s and HD’s and what not.....15 years ago....there were no such nakhra’s....We had a TV that looked like a TV. Period. Also it wasn’t like today’s feather light types where you lift them in one hand....No. You needed 2 people to lift it alone, and once deposited in a place, well you wouldn’t consider relocating it for the next 5 years.

Here are a few things that I remember our little candy for-

The first ever English movie I saw- Helen of Troy....I couldn’t understand a single dialogue, let alone the plot.... so my mom and dad had to explain every single line to me. The English seemed so different and they spoke so was like a whole different language. Sometimes, I still feel that way when I listen to English music. That I understand is a whole different thing.

The first Hindi ad I ever was during the World Cup 99......a bike commercial....Kawasaki Bajaj...The Unshakeable.....I still remember the entire jingle.....was wonderful and no I won’t sing it, lest I should break your computer screen or something. Ever since, I have louuuved commercials and quote them at the first instance in almost anyyyy conversation!

Then there was this thing where my mom wouldn’t allow us to watch TV during exam time. The TV being in the hall, we living on the ground floor and the curtains always being open, were all perfect reasons to obey her. But nah! Me and my bro weren’t the ‘shareef’ type so we watched when my mom would go out and took turns to keep guard at the window. Then my bro would almost alwayyys get so engrossed that he'd miss the car coming in and mom would find out...after which we would be in for a round of sound trashing.....This happened like a hundred times....all the time his fault....and every time we made a stronger vow to be more vigilant in future....Course that never happened.

Instead something better happened. The TV was moved out to my brother’s room. Yayyy!

The first time I ever got full on senti....and not the sob sob wala....not even the trying to escape mom’s anger drama buhoo type wala....but the real wa wa wa kind....and what for you may ask....It was a movie... Ellen Foster, the story of an orphan. I remember I hugged my mom first thing...... For the record; I have never even done such a thing on her birthday or Mother’s Day or any other significant occasion for that matter.

There were also some other really memorable things like my brother making me watch wrestling to a point where I could tell the names of all the wrestlers by heart.....the part where we would watch Hera Pheri with Maggi every single day cos that was the only video cassette we had. Till date it remains the movie I have watched most number of times.
Watching The Tenth Kingdom, a day before my Board exam.......almosttt having a guilt attack and then scoring fab marks in every time anyone asks me how to get good marks, I always suggest watching a movie before the D day!

Our little candy still remains, but then now there is the new, stronger and handsome looking competition it this has become the ‘Old T.V.’....and everyone at home is rather reluctant to watch it.

I know all of these are silly things.....don’t count for changing my life in any way....but they sure built a whole lot of memories and form a large part of my childhood *hope I’m not sounding ancient*.......all that said, if my parents were to junk it someday, I’d surely miss it! *weird thing to say, I know*, but that’s the way it is. :-)

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Saturday, December 4, 2010

Kya adaa, kya jalwe tere Rajni!

This post has been published by me as a part of the Blog-a-Ton 17; the seventeenth edition of the online marathon of Bloggers; where we decide and we write. To be part of the next edition, visit and start following Blog-a-Ton.

You know the mystery that has been haunting me for a while now?....Ok off course there is this tiny little thing about why a car must be named ‘Punto’....I mean why would anyone want to call a car that? What may have been the inspiration behind it? Nah nah don’t worry. That’s not what I want to talk about. What I really really dil se would like to the baap’s baap of all mysteries *arey baap’s baap means daadaji, you dodo*.....*and you thought ki Sadiya is using swear words....Shame on you!*....... Haa so like I was saying....THE mystery of all mysteries.....Thalaivar Rajnikanth! Dudewa what’s the deal!! Why is everyone so in louuve with him? Chakkar kya hai?

I mean have you ever wondered what must be working behind a lungi clad guy’s mind to climb a longgggg ladder....almostttt risk his life!......wo bhi with a milk ki thaili, over the surface of a hoarding, take a scissor, cut the thaili, then wash the Thalaivar ka foto shoto with it? Doesn’t make sense na?

And this nail biting question had been treading on my mind for a no....please don’t think I am some gawaar ladki who doesn’t know anything about his macho herogiri and therefore underrate his greatness. Na ji na! Main bata doo....I have seen two entire movies gracing his hairat-angez performance.

The first was Bulandi....yes yes, the same one where Rekha ji lagaao’s the thumka’s with the Anil Kapoor ji.....nope baccha log, don’t close your eyes..... I will not go into any further details about them....and then there is the Anil Kapoor ji’s daddy who is also Anil Kapoor and then there is HIS daddy......haaaaaaaaa he is our man....daadaji....see see....kaha tha na maine!......ok so his screen presence here was all about ghumaaoing his dupatta.....fishcao fishcao.... with some really cool sound effects and yeah... that’s about it....That was my first encounter with THE man! But at the time I thought him to be a ....*shudder*......loser. Yesss! Judge saab mujhe maaf kar do! Just so you know, before writing this post, I too tried ghumaaoing my dupatta like that...Uhh my hands got caught in between.....but hey man, I ain’t no superstar....or starlet or whatever else you call it, so that should explain our differences.

The second episode was when I saw Endhiran......Kya? You don’t know Endhiran? Paglaayi gaye ho kaa! I reckon you better go and check your passport to make sure you are an Indian....but do that later....first read this...For the uninitiated, it’s the Tamil version of Robot. Ahhh so you get it now! Chalo ji better late than never!

And after all the hype, together with Facebook timelines flooded with the same video going gaga over.... Haiii look at his modesty, ooh so humble, so down to blah blah blah.... I thought...ok I too mustttt watch it!.... and wo bhi in Tamil. Now let me tell Tamil is soooo good, soooo good, ki even 24 karat Tamilians don’t understand get what that means right? Haan ji! And I insisted we watch it on the first day itself...How can it be bad? Arey bhaai it’s a Rajnikanth movie!

Its only after this grand experience that I was able to unfold the mystery behind his name te fame te success te star status te hor ki dassa!....And now I’m going to pass on this first-hand gyaan to youuu.....Tan tadan!!!.......dil thaam ke baithiye! Here goes-

As we waded through the janta outside the theatre, I realised there were two classes of people....the one with tickets as in the ‘aristocrats’, and the ticketless as in the poor ‘commons’ a.k.a. wannabe aristocrats...oh yea....we were the E.L.I.T.E.!....... Offers poured in to switch over, from our opponents, imploring us to join their clan by selling our souls for a wowwiee 1000 bucks! But nah! We clung onto our tickets and zoom seeee dived into the theatre.

And that oh boy was something! Everyone had pretty much gone crazy. And it’s when you see so many people cheering, screaming and yelling, you start to wonder.....Why am I not behaving like this? Is something really wrong with me? So we joined in too. Just to keep up the spirit. Course we assumed this would end as the movie began. Huh!

As the movie started, the yelling just got louder.....and I thought, don’t worry....5 minutes and it will be fine.
5 minutes....10 minutes.....Half an hour.....Intermission..... Nope nope....the surprising thing is, nobody even got tired.....forget the fact that you can’t hear anything, everyone jumps around so much that you can’t even SEE anything! Oh btw I stuck it out through the entire movie. Whatay fun!...Most people after the movie said they would come watch it again, so they could actually get what happened. OHHHHH!

Yep so that’s the whole truth...everyone pretty much watches it again and again n again...the first time to celebrate their hero’s comeback, the second time to see him act, the third time to understand the story and then if they have pocket money and time left, then possibly to notice Jr. Mrs. Bachchan’s presence. So there! Meantime- Movie hit hit!

So much for the whole ‘suspense’ thingy! Aaho ji time waste kar ditta mera! And don’t you worry; I will get to the bottom of the ‘Punto’ mystery as well....Next Blog-a-ton maybe. :-)
Alternatively, if you happen to have a theory of your own, drop it in as part of your feedback.

The fellow Blog-a-Tonics who took part in this Blog-a-Ton and links to their respective posts can be checked here. To be part of the next edition, visit and start following Blog-a-Ton.

Thursday, December 2, 2010

Door ho jaao meri nazro se!

Dramatic title na? Don’t worry. It doesn’t have any relevance to the post. Ae-wai doing time-pass....which also is the reason for this post. Today I am going to distribute all the gyaan that I have gathered over the last few months as part of my shopping expeditions. Presentingggg for your kind perusal, the 5 yuckiestttt (in)edible products that super markets have doled out in recent history. Why? Arey baba so you don’t end up wasting your precious money on it naaa!!! Thank you aur sab you can tell me later.

Ok so here are my more than few words of wisdom....*bows*

Kurkure Green Chutney Rajasthani Style- Have you seen those cartoons where the kitten eats something and smoke starts to come from both ears? Yeah that’s exactly what will happen if you try this. It’s like the taste is soooo sharp that it will cut through all your senses and you feel the irresistible urge to cough, sneeze and throw up all at the same time....yes buddy...thaaatttt bakwaas! Btw general knowledge ke liye, there recently were even tall cases of plastic wires being found in Kurkure packs.....don’t intend to defame their company....ok somewhat close to that maybe....Arey bhaai its because I care for my reader’s health!!! Kintu parantuuu I haven’t verified this so in case the company wala’s are reading then...Sorry hai ji...Menu maaf kari....Please don’t sue me :-(

Cadbury Bournvita 5 Star Magic- First of all let me tell you..... Cadbury (Dairy milk)= good, Bournvita= good, 5 star= so- so......but ‘nature and science ka aadhunik mishran’ all put together.....Bwackkk!!!
Believe me I am not exaggerating when I say this but it really really looks like mud and tastes just as awful....And no, I haven’t tasted mud....I knew you would be thinking that wonlyyy!
Plusss, correct me if I’m wrong but doesn’t Fiama Di Wills shampoo ad also say nature and science ki khoobiyan???? So does that mean we can use them interchangeably? Dekhaa!!! I told you they are messing with us poor consumers!

Smart chips- Yes this is the second chips on the list and I don’t blame you if you think I am some real fatso who goes munch- munch all day....not totally wrong anyway....Haa so coming to the point...Why do I have a problem with it? Actually I don’t. It’s just that this isn’t chips in the first place. The Aamir Khan dude can go full on galaa phaad ke about ‘You will need it’ triple xl sized t-shirts but calling it ‘baked’ over ‘fried’ and then giving us the sleek version of Monaco biscuits really doesn’t cut it baba!

Pepsi Cafe- chino- *Sounds like some Chinese drink no?* Actually am not really sure if it even exists in the market anymore but when it did, I remember we served it at a party and one sip down, everyone simply returned their glasses....Bole to fullto flop! And course there was the catchy Kareena and Priyanka commercial but unfortunately in the entire product that was the only good was hot.....drink was thanda.
Not like thanda thanda wala thanda but the other wala thanda....Emm know what I mean?

Bru Ice Cappuccino- Now here’s the thing..... Since you are reading this blog, I assume you aren’t a robot and by virtue of being human, have taken an injection at least once in your life....No?...Now do you remember the awful smelling medicine thingy they put on your arm after taking the blood test? Yes, that’s precisely what this one smells like.....So I can only leave to your imagination what it may taste like. Wanna try? ;)

Rito aaj ke liye itna hi...ab Iodex maliye and kaam pe chaliye *yeahhh why do I keep doing this?* Anyway, a question for you before we part, does anyone know what happened to the mint flavoured Hide and Seek biscuits???? Was numm numm...bought one packet and the next time I went to the store, they were completely wiped out of the shelves!! *sad eyes* :-(

Wednesday, December 1, 2010

Love, 'Old- fashioned', eh?

The other day I caught this debate on ‘We the People’...yeah yeah wahi Barkha Dutt wala show....which was based on live- in relationships and the hullabaloo over the new laws....well more than the theme, what got my attention was this certain term used by a person, who said, “I believe in ‘Old- fashioned’ love.”

You know sometimes, people use expressions so frequently that you get used to hearing them, you barely notice it and then suddenly one day, it goes knock knock, kaun hai on your head and you think.....'Uhh...Ok...What?' I mean isn’t it strange to tag love into two categories of old and new ‘fashion’? Worse, term it like it’s a fad or in vogue for a season! Turns out, I went in for writing an exam and by the time I came out, I was left behind by a whole fashion era!

So if I am to make sense of it, then the ‘old fashioned’ wala’s are the ones who believe in all these filmy stories and fairytales of happily ever after and the ‘lateshtt fashion’ wala’s are the ones who progress with time, prioritize between ‘stuff’ and ‘relationships’ and focus on being practical and realistic. Correct na?

I have a problem with that!

And yes, I understand that nobody could care lesser, but I still wish to say it. Aren’t relationships becoming more of a chutki main chipkaao arrangement?.....A doesn’t work....move to C to wherever. Uh- Oh you don’t know? Honey, that’s fashion!
Whatever happened to honour and commitment???

What’s with all this drama of first endorsing a live- in and then going gaga over your rights? If the whole idea was to retain independence then where does the question of pinning down responsibility come in? Looks like nobody really wants to say it, but the object is merely to back out when the situation gets sticky. And as relates to the terminology used in law...You can actually indulge and we are playing spoilers by merely saying it??

More so, the laws in my opinion together with the law makers seem like they are doing it all for the sake of projection ‘Oh yeah look at us...We are so modern!’.... I mean does it take an insane amount of intelligence to be able to tell right from wrong? If marriage is a ‘holy bond’, then how righteous is it to call ourselves above God? Do we really know better than him? I don’t think so!

I don’t think it’s a ‘to each his own’ concept’s a little more damage than that....I don’t think it’s wrong if children expect normal parents who have a little more shred of substance to their relationship than ‘we live together’.

Yes, I can be disappointingly serious sometimes and I don’t apologise to anyone who wishes to hold contrary views on the subject!

Thursday, November 18, 2010

It’s a guy thing!

No, no this isn't going to be a feminist write up where I will trash the ladka log.......just an attempt at stating their hatkey-ness.

Up and counting please. Presentingggg all the weirdness about guys that I don't any level...and in anyyy circumstance!

Disclaimer- This is a sole observation of the guy folk around me and does not generalise, so kripya don't be offended. (Blah! Not really...sab aise hi hai :P)

Okies starting haa ab-

What's their obsession with hair?- Mosttt of them I know just stand in front of the mirror and keep doing something something to it. Chalo no problem....but then at the end of that 'something' wouldn't it be justified for the hairstyle to look at leasttt 1% different? But na ji na! It looks exactlyyy the same! And when that doesn't work, they try stuff like hair gel (Oooh those 'Set Wet' commercials!).....Here's how it appears in my vision.......door se it looks like you have used uttam quality ka coconut oil.....and when you touch it, it's sooooooooooo sticky! Yikes! How can people put this stuff in their hair? Or maybe my fashion sense is not good. (Yaba daba doo. Nah! Can't be that!)

Driving is all about manhood- Seriously did you know this? If you want to take revenge on your ex, this is the sure shot way to get it done. Tell him his driving sucks.....My guess is, that will leave him scarred for life.....Ok maybe that's a bit too much....but then so is this emotion....Every guy thinks he is the best driver in the world.....And nope it doesn't end there. He also deep down thinks that all women drivers are the biggest bane to traffic etiquette....if there is a traffic jam and a woman is the cause, you can mostttt certainly catch them rolling their eyes. Course, if the jam is due to them, then that's just cos they got plain old 'unlucky'. Men!

Asking for directions is the cheapesttt thing to do. Someone put it in their head ki if you ask for directions, then that means you're actually saying.......I'm so dumb...I have no life.....I can't even find the road by myself....I want to die with shame.....Why else would it be so much of a problem? And when the ladki log offer to help, this is what we get 'Shhh! Will you please be quiet!' Is that rude, or is that rude!

And what's the deal with ringing the door bell so many times? From my brother to the sabzi wala to the postman.....bas no patience at all baba! They just ring and ring and ring until you think you might go crazy or deaf. Why is it so difficult to understand that if someone ain't getting the door, its cos they might be in the middle of something important? In the washroom? On the phone?? Kitchen on fire??? Arey bhaai kuch bhi ho sakta hai na!

Another thing is their obsession with news. And course I too believe it's important. But kitna?? All day long??? I remember when I was a kid, my dad would watch soooo much news that I grew up thinking it's the only thing that comes on TV and became wary of the idiot box itself!

Everything is sexy. If you accidentally find yourself in the middle of a place with too many guys, that is one word you're going to have to get used to....cos besides, girls.........there's cars, bikes.....once at a friendly cricket match I even heard people cheering 'sexy shot' for a sixer scored.......My reaction- ???? Uhh usme 'sexy' kya tha? No I didn't say that! Mad or what!

Lack of shopping skills. When you go to a shop to buy something, you are obviously going to check out all the stuff available and pick the best. Makes sense? Now if you don't like anything, you will come out empty handed. Ok na? But nahi. If the salesman has taken trouble to show it to you then the guys ka manual says that you mustttt buy something! Anything really. Toothpick bhi chalegi. Main poochti hoo why? Isn't showing stuff his job? What's soooo embarrassing about not buying anything?? Free main to nahi de raha na????? But no. To them it's apparently oh so I'm- not-coming-with –you-next- time-ishhhhhhh.

Then there is a lot more like this whole ritual of never washing clothes, being over protective of your behna like someone is just waiting to kidnap her.....could go on..... but I suppose enough said.

And course, the point in question, what do they want?
Putting it in one of my fevretesttt Aastha tv pravachanist's....Sri Sri Seinfeld-eshwar Baba ka words,

"Women know what men want, men know what men want, what do we want? We want women, that's it! It's the only thing we know for sure, it really is: we want women. How do we get them? Oh, we don't know 'bout that, we don't know. The next step after that, we have NO idea. This is why you see men honking car-horns, yelling from construction sites. These are the best ideas we've had so far.. The car-horn-honk, Is that a beauty? Have you seen men doing this? What is this? The man is in the car, the woman walks by the front of the car, he honks. This man is out of ideas. I mean what is he expecting? For the woman to stop and say "Hey you honked at me .. Ahhhh that's so sweet .. I never knew you felt this way!

The amazing thing is, that we still get women, don't we. Men, I mean, men are with women. You see men with women. How are men getting women, many people wonder. Let me tell you a little bit about our organization. Where ever women are, we have a man working on the situation right now. Now, he may not be our best man, OK, we have a lot of areas to cover, but someone from our staff is on the scene. That's why, I think, men get frustrated, when we see women reading articles, like: "Where to meet men?". We're here, we are everywhere. We're honking our horns to serve you better! "

Hee. Jai ho!

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Monday, October 25, 2010

What goes around, comes around!

With the manhoos CA exams lurching and doing the Bharatanatyam like nritya on my head, I did the most sane thing expected from me....opened all my 20 kilo books, arranged them in a hap hazard way on the floor around me, sat at the center of all this storehouse of gyaan, wore my specs and made a thorough drama queen array of oh-look-at-me-I’m-so-busy-studying kinda pose.....My aunt almostttt nearly had a minor shockk.....considering that was the basic idea anyway....I mean you know cos I’m on study leave and having a girl in the house makes you the perfect target for all household this was my strategy at avoiding it...and it worked.... yes thaankuuu....*bows*

However the bottom line remains that study I must, especially considering the lukkha CA exam wala’s who only want an opportunity to show me thumbs down in front of all my khaandaan. Yes, that’s the truth...I study onlyyyy cos else, mumma will give me a grand firing, and that too over the phone. Arey bhaai it's uncool!

Right so started haa....with the magnificent subject “Financial Reporting”....tan tadannn....nah don’t scratch your head (and certainly don’t use Clinic All Clear either...they say it leads to hair fall...Dove hi best hai ji...and Livon conditioner...the maroon wala.... smells gorgeous). Ok ok, so like I was saying financial reporting is this fancy term they give for ‘Accounts’ scare our poor fluttering soul into taking short gasps.....but no, we don't give them the satisfaction....nope nope! not just yet!

Enter Non- Profit Organisations.
Now here’s the thing-

This was a topic I had right from school...matlab class you may think I am pro at it by now....but then nah not see there was this Rajni ma’am (Accounts teacher then) ka guarantee, that it would come as a choice question for our exams...and so I conveniently omitted it.
And it didn’t to hona hi tha!...and that’s when you start to get this over smart kind of feeling...the one that makes you think....I know exactly what to, and how much to study.... and you want to mock all those girls who do their homework every day and study all topics under a ‘just in case’ category....SOOO DUMB you think!

But then there is this thing called fate.

Same topic made a second appearance in a more advanced level that is, but then there is the wayyy....I didn’t study it then, and I won’t study it now! And course there was all the other baby stuff in the syllabus which formed a strong backing and I got off easy. Besides, the question didn’t even come in the exam! Second time- Yipee! :-)

Third appearance
CA Foundation.....yes, would you believe it...I skipped the chapter yet my defense- it was reallyyyy boring....but then this time, the question did come in the exam....for 20 marks and I was fact I didn’t even know how to draw the columns and what side does income and expense come....but just cos it is called as the ‘Income and Expenditure Account’ , I figured income on the left and expenditure on the right. And after that, I obviously copied most of the items from the question how difficult is it?...Money come- income, Money go- expense.....Easy!
Phew! Lucky me- I didn’t flunk!

CA Inter- No Non- Profit Organisation bakwaas----Yayayaya!!!! Finally good sense prevailed....was such a stoopid topic anyway!

CA Final- first chapter- Non- Profit Organisation Amalgamations, Absorptions, Holding rights, yaada yaada yaada.....
HAYO RABBA! What is this!!!!! Mummyyy! Turns out, this time it is at a super hi- fi level.....and I thought....Ok yaar relax...don’t panic...tried reading the content.....went directttt sar ke upar se.....opened my loft and picked the almost still shining cover wala B.Com book......searched the chapter and read it.....Ahhhh didn’t understand anything.....Then?......Opened the loft yet again.....the big black bag with dusty old once upon a time school books....and there...Class XI- Financial Accounting......after which I read every page of it, solved all the numericals as well! Buhooo!

Hmm what was it...kaal kare so aaj kar? Damn damn damn!!! Self invited problems- thy name is Sadiya! :-(

Thursday, October 21, 2010

Guzaarish- Reviewed

In case you were wondering, I ain’t on a crazy spree of doing reviews, but this here is what I typed for my magazine. And now that we are on the subject, any contribution from your end, as in articles or just plain suggestions, are welcome. Feel free to let me know in the comments section. Magazine circulation is limited to 100 copies so you are not likely to get famous and no, I won’t be paying you for it.
Hee! Thanx all the same!

The real matter now-

Nope nope. The movie hasn’t yet released and I too think piracy is a crime...unless of course you get the DVD real cheap and no one finds out....releasing on 19th November, this here is an advance review of the movie.....yaba daba dooo.....just cos I love you guys so much and can’t stand to see you gaze with starry eyes in anticipation! Besides, current reviews are all over the papers anyway. So here we both know, this is where you saw it first!

Yet another magnum opus from our very own Bhansali Ji. You know why I chose to review this one, of all the happening chatakdaar line up’s this Diwali? Because it is art at its very best! Yeah the one that normal people like me don’t understand. And despite my shallow understanding, I genuinely appreciate it *especially modern art, cos I think I can do it just as well as anyone else. Only thing is I’m stuck here typing this review, else millions were just a splurge of paint away. Or so I like to think* .Truth is, somehow, pitch dark visuals, cast talking in hand movements for the most part, and for the other few remains, dramatic dialogues in just above a whisper, inspires me no end! *eyes fluttering*

In the words of Hrthik Roshan, “Guzaarish changed my life”.....I hope it doesn’t change our life too; and make us a demented suicidal lot. Let me tell you, after We are Family and Nakshatra, our jhelofying capacity has gone up a good deal!

Yes the review- what appears at face value as the colored version of Saawariya, *yes the movie where there was a girl, a guy, a bridge and umm umm..... oh right, that’s it*. So in this one, there is the usual black and white and just so we don’t get bored, ladies and gentlemennnnn, there is also some jhataakk RED! Yepp this movie is actually, *according to our 'vishesh' sources (read- Wikipedia)*..... an ‘inspired’ adaptation of the Hollywood movie ‘The Sea Inside’.... Story of a once upon a time magician who injures himself when performing a magic trick and thereby landing himself on a wheelchair as a paraplegic for life. Events revolve around his life, his protégée and nurse.....and how he instils in them a will to live with a purpose....simultaneously fighting for his right to commit suicide. Oh that doesn’t make sense??
Buhaha! What did you expect?

The star cast with Hrithik Roshan and Aishwarya Rai in the lead seem to share an awesome chemistry.....with Hrithik nodding his head in every possible direction a head can bend; and Aishwarya playing an over-enthu and slightly mad sort of woman, washing his hair, brushing his teeth, polishing his shoes, swatting flies on his get the drift right? Also, there is Aditya Roy Kapoor who umm well has a lot of hair on his head and hobs around to learn the magician’s tricks and do Hrithik baba ka naam roshan.

Music scorecard offers a free opera like experience and there also is the inevitable number where Hrithik needs to prove yet again what an incredibly rubber band like dancer he is. Aishwarya goes twirling in circles a few hundred times for no apparent reason.

Yes that should be all...screenplay, direction, choreography..... everything is going to be flawless (Does anyone really care?)....also it would do you good if you expected a couple of really long curtains, elaborate sets, huge chandeliers and a stage.

Star rating *because it’s fashionable to do so*- None really!
What was it? Hum zamaane se nahi, zamaana hum se hai jaani! *Ok honestly, I wanted to put one, but didn’t know how to type a star*

If you end up watching the movie and think differently about it, you can choose to punish me by sending a free ticket so I get a chance to relive your torture! Ting tingg tidinggg! :-)

Tuesday, October 12, 2010

Confessions of a Couch Potato

If you take me in your team, you will lose. Period.

Once upon a time, in a land not so far away, there was a school that was genuinely famous for only 2 sports.... Kho- Kho and Throw-ball. And there was an average so so-ish girl...who for the sake of everyone’s convenience was a in me, your heroine. This is the story of her accolades in the sporting arena *Oh the things I get to do on my blog!! Balle balle!*

Kho- kho to begin with, is this game that the gaaoo ki gori’s play.....Oh don’t get this wrong..... our school girls gave it a whole new definition......there were girls who were actually kho- kho legends and played ‘pole tactics’ that would put global athletes to least that’s how it appeared to me then.

Putting my self-obsessed foot forward, since MY kaarnaama’s in print is what is needed for a take on the game was very simple. I thought it to be a piece of cake. You run, you catch. Easy!
Huh! Shock laga laga!!! For the first (and last) time I participated..... not only did I not succeed in catching a single girl, I also lost us our semi final match and no, I didn’t really care much about that....not because I’m mean (thoda thoda only), but because the sudden sitting and standing exercise all at once had made me so immobile, that I couldn’t even climb the staircase properly.....actually needed a friend to hold my hand as I climbed down one step at a much for kho kho.....and I told myself....Chahh.....dumb game....and what sort of a name is ‘kho kho’ anyway!

And then there was throw ball......which I gave a hand at too....but all my strength mustered together didn’t send the ball a few inches away from where I imagine how desperate the team must have been to put someone like me on board....and then something terrible happened....the opponent team’s Mohamed Ali equivalent screamed “one-luv” and tossed the ball ye ghumaikeyyyyy..... next thing I knew, the ball jammed into my nose and I was on the floor.....course everyone was really nice to me then, with all the, ‘Are you ok dear’ kind of attention, but Alas! They put forth to me in the nicest way, that I needn’t be playing for them anymore. Buhooo!

Thennn to salvage the last shred of grace I had left in me, I cheered for them....but then whoever I cheered for, invariably messed up.
And that’s when my ex- team mates figured the divine sanket of bhagwaan.....That my presence is jinxed, and hence they sent me on to cheer for the opposition. Opposition lost! Muhahaha!!!!!!

There were other things I tried too......badminton, table tennis.....all the feathers of the shuttle cork came off after which my mumma refused to buy me another one and as with table tennis, well let’s just say I didn’t quite get the hang of how the service thingy is done. The only thing however, that I did do a good job, and mind you, even won a gold medal for, was The Grand Needle and Thread Race. Now that’s the sort of thing Olympics should be made of.

Despite my terrible success rate, till date I try my hand at a couple of sports that seem attractive and have minimal chances of me rendering irrevocable damage to myself or other players.....for instance two tappa (bounce) cricket with my brother and the other colony wala baccha log (it’s my fevretesttt sport of all time)...and I don’t want to brag, but I think I’m pretty good at it......after getting two chances of batting (cos I’m a girl!! Like duh!!).....I almost score as high as 20 runs on a bright sunny morning.....if that’s not talent, dude I’d like to know what is!

It’s too bad that my boss pays me so poorly and I can’t afford to go to Delhi, else I just may have won two or three medals for myself. Ahh well! Might as well just settle for watching IPL on SET Max with my big bag of Lay’s.......Sirjiii it’s dillogical!


Friday, October 1, 2010

Everything is fair in Love and War?

This post has been published by me as a part of the Blog-a-Ton 15; the fifteenth edition of the online marathon of Bloggers; where we decide and we write. To be part of the next edition, visit and start following Blog-a-Ton.

Zaid walked on what had once been the railway tracks of the Al- Hadithah station. Now they were sodden planks of wood that were trodden upon only by vagabonds. It was a deserted station with no trains. Unchecked public transport was too risky for a place like Iraq. He climbed the ledge towards a crumbling building. This was one of the few structures that had been spared by raw American militant gun power. What was the use of snapping down a dead place anyway?

The militants were wrong. This was what formed the meeting place of the Ansar Political Party.

Numerous difficulties in life had made Zaid strong. But his strength had caved in when it came to saving his own mother. He had needed money to save her. This unfortunately was a land where you either had ancestral farms or worked for the Americans against your own people. There were no other jobs. It was a crime to dream, and foolishness to ever imagine a business would flourish. In his helplessness he had been hired by the political party of the district to run errands. But the pay wasn’t enough for his mother’s medication. He knew she was sinking and the best he could do was get her to the hospital with advanced facilities in Baghdad. In her last days, he had asked for a loan. That was a mistake.

The party leader had agreed to give him the money in return for a small favor. It was to keep a package in his custody until a man named Nayeef Asad collected it from him. One condition. No questions were to be asked. He knew deep down there was something forbidden about it. But this wasn’t quite the time to think or argue. At the time, he had no other choice. He agreed. The parcel was handed to Nayeef. He now had the money with him. But his mother did not live to see it. His only pillar of strength was gone.

He didn’t need the money any more. The reason for his struggle was over and there was nothing else to do but return it. He hated the sight of it. And there he was again. At the station building, to meet the party leader as he had done once before. He stood outside and overheard two men talking-

Oh give it time Ali. Once the bomb Nayeef plants burns down a militant tank with a few of their soldiers, the Americans will be like a pack of wolves. They will kill every living person in sight. We will show footage of civilians being killed to the media, and before you know it, an uprising will begin. The world will throw these American jerks out and offer power to the one that promises peace. US!” he jeered.

For the first time, Zaid cried. He had saved the tears at his mother’s funeral. But this time the guilt shook him like nothing ever before. People were going to die. And he was instrumental. He had to stop it.


Yashfeen waved back at her husband. She had been married for a year and they were expecting their first child anytime now. Being brought up in Jordan, she was initially terrified of a life that was war prone. But love had made the imminent threat seem small in contrast. She had pleaded a million times with Haamid, her husband, to move away to another country. However he had always waved it away by telling her the same thing. “How can one leave one’s own country? We are all in this world for a stipulated time and nobody will live a second longer or shorter. Besides, here we have our family, our land. What will I do in another country? Would you want to deprive our children of what rightfully belongs to them?” She couldn’t reason with that and had to settle for this life. She was happy, no doubt.......but there was an insecurity. A nagging feeling like everything was a dream and might snap away in a split second.

No, this wasn’t the time to think sad things. She had to be happy. For her child. For Haamid who loved her so dearly. As he left to meet his father, he kissed her forehead and said, ‘You are glowing, my dear!’ She blushed and waved him goodbye.


Zaid quietly walked out of the building, onto the abandoned platform as he tried to make sense of what he had just heard. He had to find Nayeef and stop him from planting the bomb. The pouring rain blinded him, but he walked on. He tried to recollect the conversation Nayeef had had with one of his men the other day…..of plans to leave for Haqlaniyah.

He begged the occupants of a car to take him to Haqlaniyah and they agreed. There still remained the problem of locating Nayeef.


As Yashfeen got on with her daily chores, she heard a loud explosion that sent the house in vibrations. The worst was going to happen. Something in her head and heart knew it. She ran downstairs in an attempt to reach her in-laws who lived next door and almost immediately caught a glimpse in the window, of militants breaking open their house and firing at the entire household. She ran towards the house for what may have been too late to save anything.

Three minutes is what it took……and there was silence again.


As they neared the city’s outer limits, Zaid noticed a military tank that had been blown up on the road……..and a little away, a house that was now partially up in flames. He ran towards the burning house and could hear the faint screams of a woman. And he rushed inside to salvage what he could. What he saw shook his very soul. Smoke and blood everywhere. The bodies of helpless women and innocent children stared at him. The sight made him want to throw up and his head ached uncontrollably. But the woman’s screams kept him moving.

That’s when he saw her. She wreathed in pain and anguish. Her eyes were filled with tears and the pain was excruciating. In that moment she wasn’t sure she wanted to live at all.

He lifted her out of the burning house and she let go of her consciousness. With no vehicle in sight, he walked on until they reached a hospital. It was already crowded with casualties from surrounding areas and there was no electricity.

Zaid pleaded with the staff to take the woman in and finally a doctor yielded. The whole day was a blur. He couldn’t find forgiveness in his own eyes. And he did what his mother had told was best. He prayed.

After eight hours, the doctor conveyed him tidings of a baby girl. He was taken to see the baby and the mother. As he sat at the edge of the stool and held the baby, an unbearable sense of guilt flooded him. Tears rolled down his cheeks. He had left this kid without a father and widowed a woman. He looked at the woman in deep sleep and an overwhelimg emotion tore him apart. 
He wanted to protect her. To bring back what was lost. To make everything ok for her. And he made a vow.

He didn’t know if he could ever ease her pain and fill her sad eyes with just a smile. He didn’t know if he could ever make her want to live again. He didn’t know if he could ever get her to forgive him, much less accept him. And most importantly, he didn’t know if he could ever get her to love again, much less love him.

And she opened her eyes. He didn’t even know what he was going to say. But try he must!

Note- Although the story is fictitious, the incidents related are true as what took place at the Battle of Al- Hadithah, Iraq, in 2005 where over 400 civilians lost their lives purely due to instigation of American troops by internal political parties for their selfish motives. It's a shame!
 Life is a gift....If only people knew how to value it!

The fellow Blog-a-Tonics who took part in this Blog-a-Ton and links to their respective posts can be checked here. To be part of the next edition, visit and start following Blog-a-Ton.


Thursday, September 30, 2010

Anjaana Anjaani- Reviewed

Hehe! Got you again! You thought I am from The Thubai or The Amreeka and saw it before hand. No, no???

So jisse pehle you find your emotions played with, lemme tell you I haven’t seen it. This, as has been done before, is just another of my advance reviews….you we can check that we have both seen the same trailers and interpreted it correctly…..or something like that….however you like to think of it that is........

Know what the problem with movies aaj kal is? They give away too much in the promos leaving very little scope for surprises. That basically means you end up shelling a minimum of 250 bucks (inclusive of snacks and parking), to watch a rubber band version of what you had already seen on MTV a hundred times. If you watch 9XM then that’s probably two hundred times…official sponsors as they are.

Right right…the review….So this is what happens…the anjaana ladka meets the anjaani ladki (Am I smart or what!)
Haa so when they meet…girl acts pricy, guy acts flirty….become the boyfriend and the gulphrend......all well till they get stuck together…..on a road trip. Old school romance follows. If two people must fall in love, they have to be sent on a trip. Somehow no other formula works better. Also, if the heroine must run, it should be on a bridge alone. Running on stairs or normal streets with traffic is just too down market. Plus a heart wrenching number in the background is mandatory. Cheese! Films are so filmy!

Anyway so they annoy each other initially, then an hour down they find those exact same annoying things cute after which, predictably may I add, looouuvve ho gaya! Enter problems… in... ummm can’t say cos I need to leave someee suspense for you na *read- I dunno. Haven’t figured the reason yet*.…hence the classic dialogue….. ‘tum anjaane hi ache the’ and they part ways. Ranbir’s dil tootofies, he goes gaga over Pinky ji. She, in what seems like a wedding dress goes running running full speed main to meet him. Finally project milaap takes place and happy ending. Tadaaa! Get up from your seat and proceed to the exit door thank you. And throw all your kachra in the trashcan please. I am very particular about it haa.

On the whole there is absolutely nothing that stands out about the movie or the stars. Ranbir looks alright (he always does), Priyanka in my opinion looks better with tresses…. Aalishaaa song was the first and last time she got a thumbs up from me. This time round, she’s not beautiful, not pretty…cuteish maybe.

As for the music, my fevrett was Tumse hi Tumse which gets an above average score. I Feel Good seems well picturized and as for rest of them, they didn’t really catch on very well with me. And yes, contrary to majority opinion, I didn’t like Hairat at all!!

All in all, fullto time pass movie, a little out of tide due to the Ayodhya thingy delay. Considering the only competitors in sight are Jhoota hi Sahi and Robot, looks like this one’s going to be a riding success*.
*Tamil Nadu not included cos of Rajnikanth mania…..more on that on another bright sunny day. Till then toodles!

Bas karo!

Pak gayi. Thak gayi….Here’s a countdown of the current tamaasha’s grabbing spotlight...all doled into one post.

1- Commonwealth games- The event by itself is a ten day ordeal but attention over its detailing seems to have stretched for what seems like over a year now. So people ate up a lot of money from it. Hello we are Indians? We live in joint families and get paid peanuts! That’s why getting a government job is considered so cool in the first place......Did we not know this simple fact? Why are we so ‘bhaunchakka’? The public reaction and dismay seems as though we just lost Rahul Gandhi to a Kenyan bride! Main poochti hoo why should we take the blame of doing a shoddy job? We are a third world country and if the phorener log are unaware of that, then they are just plain ignorant and stoopid! Not our fault that they didn’t have our kind of CBSE education now, is it?

2- Munni badnaam hui- Tune into any music station, any music channel, any time of the day and there it is. Even zandu balm and chaini chaini commercials have not been spared. Yes Malaika hot hot, thank you very much but being a girl it becomes rather difficult to appreciate this form of emm…art! And I have a question. Why is jhandu spelt as zandu anyway? Is it supposed to sound more sophisticated like that?

3- Facebook Likes- When FB timelines are not flooded with CWG updates, it is with stuff like-:

- I love my mom (Oh yeah?)

- I want to talk to you but I don’t want to call you. (Fine! Apne phone ko paani main dubaa do!)

- All these ‘likes’ are starting to tell my whole life story (You think so? Then freaking STOP now!!!)

If that’s not enough, there are even quizzes that get bizarre by the micro second! ‘What do moles on your body mean’. KYA?? Allow me to explain. Hate to say this jaani, but they sadly mean that you must be umm... pretty UGLY!

4- Ayodhya bhaai log- I do believe that justice must be served but at what cost is the question. For a country that can vote hands down for someone like Varun Gandhi, it’s pretty evident that religion is still an emotional matter for some gawaar log. To an everyday mango person, I doubt it has any utility, but for fear of another riot erupting that could burn lives and public money, good or bad, frankly I don’t think we need it. And thanx to this hungaama I missed out on watching Anjaana Anjaani too....Life’s unfair! :-(

5- Doing the “fraandsheeps”- Too much of anything can get rather annoying. So goes for this word. In my opinion the word ‘friendship’ seems to have evaporated from our dictionaries! Everyone uses the new desi version and worse, each one of them finds it unique and hilarious.....The next time I hear someone saying it, I just might pull every single hair on their head and say... “Arey don’t mind baba. After all we are fraands no!”

6- And the last straw, Karan Johar movies- Aaaahh! Bachaao! First Kurbaan, now We Are Family. For every good movie that comes from his production house, it’s followed by two mind numbing torturous penalties. We are Family is just about the movie that may want you to disown your family and go into sanyaas. My take- Kajol was a good actress. Really good. Then this terrible thing happened...she grew old! DEAL WITH IT! Music score card- all time low! Next time round, puhleezzz cut us some slack.

Wednesday, September 29, 2010

Insaaf bhi andhaa hota hai??

They say when in doubt, Google it. *Me thinks, when in doubt about what to write, Rakhi Sawant it!*

The lasteshttt news and views have been raving about her new reality show....Rakhi ka Insaaf! Whatever happened to the show where she was supposed to appear as Mother Mary? Oh ok ok....she may not have suited the role. Duh! Anyway. In her own words she says, "Mujhe kanooni daav pech nahi aate, I just know how to think from my heart”.

Ok first of all, what is this whole chakkar of thinking from the heart? Blame it on NCERT if you like, but they did a pretty good job of drilling into us that heart is the organ that pumps blood alone. Andd Wikipedia seems to confirm that for me.

All along there was this Bollywood mumbo jumbo of ‘apne dil ki suno aur phir sab thik ho jayega’.....I mean how is listening to your heartbeat going to solve a problem? Yet another doubt, how can you put your ear to your heart? Physically that is not quite possible! Course you could run a couple of staircases, be out of breath and thennn listen to it. Then again wouldn’t you be too tired? And what if in the middle of this technologically advanced science of problem solving, you relax and can’t hear it anymore? Wouldn’t that leave the problem piecemeal solved? Then what do you do? Run again?

But folks, all that is passé. Miss Rakhi has broken all boundaries and taken it to a whole new level I say. Gone are the days of listening to monotonous dhak-dhak’s; the woman seems to have mastered the art of thinking from the heart! So now superheroes like Spiderman and Krishh can move over and give way to ‘Maatey’. Isn’t this cool? And unlike other superheroes, she doesn’t even need something to cover her face with! If you didn’t notice in the Swayamvar season, it’s her press her own forehead with her hand while ‘sharing’ her dukh dard with us, the eternally sympathetic janta. *Manoj Kumar type*

Now as we mere mortals are busy raking our brains for exams and other petty stuff, lawyers are busy mugging sections and case laws, this madam can just come around, think from her heart and sab jhamela solved! Tadaa! How convenient!

And she also claims to understand people’s problems better as she is an ‘aam ladki’ and an ‘aam ghar ki beti’......*me thinks another Mayawati in the making*. Whatever happened to aam ghar ki beti ke sanskaar? Since when did it become synonymous with item girls, cum drama queens, cum deserting your parents?

Course it only remains to be seen the extent of good that comes of this new naatak. My expectations don’t surge over drunk people beating their wives and Miss Rakhi, ‘solving’ that by wailing away stories of the classic ‘Maine bhi life main bohot dard sahey hai’. Or maybe Dimpy and Rahul ki Jodi can make good clients for her. Still better, she can hire the Emotional Atyachar team to rope in a few more ‘troubled’ souls who are in need of her ‘guidance’!

As her mumma dearest pointed out in Bigg Boss triteeya, ‘Hey Prabhu! Rakhi ko aasees do’

Tuesday, September 14, 2010

Of Cruises and Sair Sapaata's

I have seen loads of pretty pictures of cruises and know those million lights in them and a glossy catalogue that does a show- off business of –Hey look we have a Jacuzzi- Oh we have a dance floor too.... nanana.....Oh bataana hi bhool gaye an upper deck cum five star hotel type rooms cum every kind of cuisine cum global passengers...and then like a statement of pity on our poor pathetic desi lives it will quote......hmm....*sigh*...Why don’t you join us?

*I mean attitude kisko bata raha hai huh?*...Ok truth is I probably wouldn’t be able to afford them (not to mention it’s a complete waste of time), but then again there is this whole bhankas theory of ‘It’s all about the experience deekra’ I decided to go for it. I mean the more affordable and short-cut version of a cruise (that is based on time management mantra).....if you still didn’t get it....I mean I went to Apollo Bandar and took the boat/ship or *I don’t really know what it was cos it seemed middle sized and nobody around looked educated enough to go all gaga over dimensions* from Gateway of India to the Ajanta caves.

To begin with, we took our seats on the fancy upper deck (after paying 10 roopyaa zyada for better ‘bhew’ ke liye)....and the majestic thing (like I said I dunno what it was) set sail...course there were the firangi’s who took a million pictures of the Taj (the hotel, dodo) and referred to a number of handbooks and read and pointed and posed and what not. Btw did you know theTaj is actually built ulta? As in the front side peeche and vice versa? Anddd hold on... the architect even committed suicide because of this emm error....I say how disgusting yaar!....Jaan deni hi thi to wife ke liye deta no? Ek building ke peeche?? Plus nobody can even tell the difference!...As you can already see my general knowledge from the trip stands visibly enhanced.

Coming back to the ‘cruise’, once we were steering through the not so clear waters, 10 minutes down and it started to drizzle...which is actually a good thing...I mean I can totally handle it....nice weather and all....and I must say the firangi’s were very well equipped for the rain. There was this lady who actually had a raincoat made of polythene! Yep this is where you heard it first. When we gareeb Indians are busy typing blog posts, these hard working phoreners are busy cutting polythene to match the size of their neck and hands. How cool! We never even thought of it...this is probably why we still are a developing country!

And now from phorener ben’s, over to the baba log...Yes I’m serious there was a baba too...all dressed up in saffron and rosary’s...anyway this guy wasn’t the regular baba, he was a high maintenance baba. How do I know? Easy! Cos all the time it was raining, there was this poor chap holding an umbrella for him (and simultaneously getting drenched)....anddd the baba was busy talking to another babu who didn’t have an umbrella but had to pretend like it was all ok. Sad no!

Oh yes the facet that I had completely overlooked was that a cruise actually meant water all around you and absolutely nothing else in the way.....Now I know there are people who feel the serenity and peace emanate from within themselves when one with nature .....

But blah! To be in the middle of soooo much nature is really not my thing....And then the worst happened...I got bored!! Same ‘bhew’!! Same rusted looking *humongous fatso type* ships. Same murky looking water ....Anddd I got hungry too!...*they didn’t have anything on board the ‘La Bombhay’ cos else I would have munched and happily forgotten everything*...And it started raining bullets so we had to come onto the ‘lower deck’ *10 bucks bhi wasted*.....needless to say everything went downhill from there.

After an hour and half, we reached ‘The caves’....Doubt. Didn’t they find any better place to put sculptures than inside a mountain, in a dark cave, bang in the middle of an ocean? I mean pardon me for questioning hundred year old frailties, but in my opinion that really is pretty dumb! I honestly fail to see what is soo romenteeekkk about the place. Apparently I don’t have any kind of taste for these ornate looking uhh ‘things’ rather than be stuck in a dungeon ...uhh cave...and get claustrophobic, definitely better to get back.....

Another two hours of...... ‘Oh look itna water!! serene...mmm bliss!’....and my friend got a bit sea sick (yeah my friends aren’t nature lovers either....birds of a feather?), after which we finallyyyy got back on land.....But that wasn’t without the ‘La Bombhay’ jerking me on shore with a whole lot of keechad uchaalna on my poor dress. (Surf Excel contributing too, by being ineffective in removing the stain, and thereby proving ki daag itneee bhi ache nahi hai.)

I loved it! Why? Cos this experience has been sohoooo good that I will probably never everrrr everrr dream of going by any mode of transport that take’s the aquatic for the money I was planning to save for a Titanic look alike...well I’m just going to have to blow it in the mall now! Ahh well! I think I’ll survive! :)

Saturday, September 4, 2010

Romance with the tides

This post has been published by me as a part of the Blog-a-Ton 14; the fourteenth edition of the online marathon of Bloggers; where we decide and we write. To be part of the next edition, visit and start following Blog-a-Ton.

I looked at myself in the mirror. Loaded with jewellery. Quite the delight of a burglar. The worth of all put together would make his entire life’s hard earnings outweighed by a few lakhs. The thought made me smile but this wasn’t quite the time for day dreaming. I squinted at my face and told myself *Cartoon lag rahi ho Milee!*. I fidgeted for a bit under the weight of the dress cum dupatta thingy cum jewellery and asked myself the same question for the millionth time ‘Log shaadi kyu karte hai!’ Course a girl over 22 must be well settled. I was 25. Hmm to the likes of Rinku aunty I was more of a spinster with a few very psycho ideas and the sooner I got packed and parcelled, the better.

I thought of Sameer. My fiancé. Decent guy. I mean course. Why else would we be getting married? He was as perfect as they get. Come to think of it, I had never even seen him informally dressed. The same colors, the same talk of finances, politics and weather. He was nice. Really nice. Annoyingly, disturbingly and irritatingly nice. The problem? I didn’t love him. Not even close!

I had relentlessly told my family that I wasn’t ready for this kind of commitment. But nobody seemed to care. Instead they went into lengthy queries of the whole ‘There’s someone else right?’ and not succeeding, just sealed my fate with Sameer. Lack of love in an arranged marriage is apparently pretty fashionable. ‘Don’t worry beta, once you get married na, automatically you will love him.’ How can people automatically love each other? How can you train yourself like that? Just keeping my case as one in million, suppose I didn’t? Then what? My life’s wott to lag hi gayi. Still worse, Sameer’s life would come toppling over too. We would both be stuck together, me doing the sunte ho ji part and he doing the haa bolo bhargwaan part. The thought made my heart sink.

No I would not let it happen. And I did what I thought best in that instance. Sometimes you can’t choose between right and wrong. Sometimes you just need to focus on the present and avert the immediate disaster at hand. And that’s what I did.
I ran away. No letter, no explanation, no pangaa at all! Mumbai ko goodbye!

That was 3 years ago.

Now I have a successful career in Delhi. However, today all of the past seems to suddenly boil up inside me as I am going to visit Mumbai for the first time after three years. The thought of coming back brings in me a sense of guilt. I had fought tooth and nail with Jatin, my boss, to keep me out of this client meeting trip.... but it hadn’t worked. And there I was......RETURNING TO BASICS.....on my way back to the place I once called home....Mumbai!

As the meeting ended and our team of colleagues headed for lunch at the hotel, I came running and collided head on into a big burly guy.

The same face. Phitte muh!

I could tell that face any time of the day. The same serious expression. But something was different about Sameer. He seemed sprightly in an almost boyish kind of way.

He looked at me, and for a minute we just stared. He, with a hard stony stare. Me, with a guilt ridden God!- let- the-ground-split-open kind of stare.

And he said ‘Hi!’
‘Hey!’ I mumbled with a beet red face.
‘Here? How come! I thought you had moved to Delhi!’
‘Oh meeting and stuff’ I wanted the conversation to end right there and walk away, never to remember this moment again.
‘When are you leaving?’
‘Tomorrow morning.’
‘Ok then how about we meet up tonight!’

*Panic alert.....Puhleeez pick a good one from your list of excuses Mileeeee*

‘No, all of us office folks were planning to have dinner together and go to Nariman Point as well...Some other time maybe.’
*Tried my best*

‘Fine. You have dinner with your friends and I will take you to Nariman Point. C’mon, I think you owe me at least this much.’ He sounded rather wry but the last part of his sentence had a sad edge to it that made me feel worse than ever.

And there I was. Accepted to be on a walking and talking date with someone I had never wanted to meet and for the most part of it, didn’t even have the courage to face.

Later that evening, he picked me up at 9pm and we went to Nariman Point in his car, which meant roughly 15 minutes of rock silence. I was already starting to think of it as a stunningly bad idea. To think I had almostttt married this man! Who couldn’t say a syllable to a girl who had taken intensive labour upon herself to look nothing short of smashing!
And finally we got there.

The company may be bad but the location undeniably was awesome. *Sigh* What a waste! There is something about this place. It’s magic. Like all the world’s sorrows are left behind. All the vengeance of the tide comes crashing on the rocks and all that remains is a sense of pristine, pure, innocent freedom. And all in that moment, looking at the water gushing, I wanted to end this guilt. I wanted to apologise, but before I could, he suddenly asked the question for which I had mentally prepared a million answers, ‘So, why did you go?’

And I was blank. Somehow everything that had seemed right then, went to scrap now and it all came out in a spurt of tears, that had been pent up for so long,
‘I didn’t mean to hurt anyone. I didn’t love you. I wasn’t sure about anything. I told everyone but no one listened to me. I didn’t want to do this huge mistake and so I thought it best to go away.’

‘And leaving me like that to face so many judgmental eyes?’

I couldn’t bear to look at him. His voice gave away the humiliation it had been through and I felt miserable.
‘I’m sorry’ I said and looked in his eyes.
He said nothing. And then he put his arms around my shoulder. ‘Chalo chodo. Let’s forget it all. Come let’s walk.’

He had made it all so smooth! Made it disappear like something unimportant. I felt my heart reach out with warmth. Well with respect. Someone whom I had wronged for my selfishness was being gracious enough to let go of all scars from the past. In that moment, looking at him, I felt something in my heart flip. A new found admiration. More than admiration. Love maybe?

And we walked and walked and walked into the night. Balancing on the ledge of Marine Drive, took off our shoes and walked into the sands of Chowpatty, eating pani poori of God knows what unhygienic water....but we didn’t care. He laughed at my PJ’s and I teased him on what an awful.... that is to say, worse than Himesh Reshammiya singer he was.

‘Running race’ he said, ‘Let’s see who runs faster to that white line.’
‘Aaah!!! I got hurt! Wait, waittt!’ I shouted.
He turned to look back.
And I ran past him as he realised my brandist nautanki.
He ran after and boy did he run fast or what! He reached the line before me :(
‘Huh! Dekha cheating karke bhi haar gaye!’
‘But I won na!’
‘No you didn’t. I got here first!’
‘You got there first but I am the winner. Special advantage of being a ladki!’
He smiled.
That priceless smile!

And then it was time to go.
Which is when I realised....This was what I had wanted. Always! Here he was. I had him once. I let him slip away. I wouldn’t do it again!

‘I really liked being with you this evening. If I had seen this side of you, I would have never let you go’ I said, and almost choked.

He looked at me for several seconds.
And then, in the midst of all that kachra, he picked the least ugly looking sea-shell, went on one knee and said two simple words, ‘Be Mine!’

This time round, I didn’t mess it up! :)

Sometimes I used to think destiny is the term people give to justify a compromise. Maybe we think we are choosing it by not settling for lesser than the best. And whe we return to look at it, sometimes, just sometimes, maybe destiny already knows what needs to be chosen for us.

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Monday, August 30, 2010

Pakda Pakdi: Redefined!

Remember pakda pakdi? Arey you played that when you were small baba. Also sometimes termed as catchum catch. Haa so this post is dedicated to that.

*Warning- Lots of Hindi and poor English ahead. Venture only if you have the time and patience*

You see its Sunday and I am at the office. Why? Cos boss ne kaha. Obviously! Do I look like the sort of person who would volunteer to "work"???? Wo bhi for "free"???? And of course I could work, but thennnn if I get too much work done then the boss will be super impressed with the Sadiya (not that he isn't already) and call me to work every Sunday. You know na Rule No. 1 of office culture.....Don't give your boss the wrong signal like you are too hard working! Or was it Don't flirt with your colleagues if they are not so good looking? Uhh...forgot.

Anyway so since I am in a silly spoiled irritated mood, I thought of doing something that is my signature dumb and stoopid. I can sense you are thinking...Is that what people do when in a bad mood? Answer- Ya man! Totally!

Right so today , rather now, I am going to give you the Sadiya Dictionary ka meaning for all those pakda pakdi rhymes that we recited as kids.....If you try and recollect, you will be stunned to know that 20 plus years down, and you still don't know what they mean. And worse, if I hadn't told you, you would have never figured out the profound intricacy attached to them! Sigh! Koi nahi! Depressed na ho tusi! Abhi main hoo!

So here are the rhymes followed by their meaning in brackets anddd the deeper meaning that they conveyed to us as baccha party. At the end of this exercise, I assure you, you will see new light.

Inki pinki ponky (We are playing table tennis)
Father had a donkey (babuji had a gadhaa)
Donkey died (gadhaa mar gaya)
Father cried (babuji very sad)
Inki pinki ponky (we said, hataao yaar and continued playing table tennis)

The deeper meaning- Deekras keep your bhaavna's in sayyam and whatever happens, let it not affect your playing spirit.

In pin safety pin (Once upon a time there lived a pin and a safety pin)
In pin out (they both decide to go hamara Express Avenue aur kaha)

Out goes the safety pin (Safety pin is ready and shouting at the door ki baba- Pin come out fast nooo)
In pin out (Pin gets ready jaldi jaldi se and comes out....wo bhi without make up and all! )
The deeper meaning- Don't be late! Because if you are, then you will not have time to put perfume and then you will smell bad and everyone will stare at a bad way that is!

Dip dip dip  (Om shanti om)

My blue ship (Same day released...almosttt blue movie...Saawariya)
Sailing in the water (Both same fate...audience telling ki jaake paani main doob mar)
Dip dip dip (do the kriyaakaram and phir se bolo...Om shanti om)
The deeper meaning- Don't torture the mango people. Cos otherwise they will give you solid shaap and thereby you will either stay single for life, like the Bhansali ji, or become sooper dooper motu like the Farah ji.

Inti pinti alkasa  (Nicholas Sarkozy went to Alaska)
Tip toe nakkaba (with his wife, Carla ji...she wears nice shoes and looks ekdam tip top)
Nakka bikka bikka boo (then after doing some nakhra they decide to go out for dinner...they search and search but cannot find good food so instead get drunk.)
French! (matlab not just any food- French food)
The deeper meaning- Don't drink alcohol. If you drink the madira then no place left in stomach for the yummy yummy khaana like the French Toast and the French Fries.

Eenie meenie miney mo (I got a new cat and it says meow meow)

Catcha tiger by its toe (it ran out of the house like a tiger, me ran P.T. Usha like and caught it)
---Emm rest I forgot.
The deeper meaning- Be kind to animals otherwise Maneka Gandhi will get angry and bring Varun ji to give exquisite gaalis! Oh yeah save the tiger too (Save yourself first, by not going anywhere near it). You know na only 1411 left.

Yes folks, that's all we have time for! If you can recollect any other interesting and sensational rhymes, then let me know and I will refer to my dictionary and translate it for you! Wo bhi freeee! Uhh hurry!?