Wednesday, December 30, 2009

Jhalki's of an overrated 2009

A countdown at the end of year is almost mandatory for any form of media…if you don’t believe me then you can tune into Zoom TV any time of the day and there you are….just about everything is run down on it…..top 5 toothpaste brands that Shahrukh Khan used….top 5 girlfriends M S Dhoni ghumaaoed…..that’s rite- isko dekho…..so in the spirit of calling it a year’s end, I’d like to put down the top 5 things that stood out most of all for me…. to an extent that it fell down a few rungs mere nazro main for the needless hype created… Everyone talks about it, all channels blare it galaa phaad ke but what’s in it? Kuch bhi nahi. Poora khaali n yet thopofied on the poor us…..yep overrated…that’s the word! So here’s taking it from the top…matlab seedhe upar se….neeche se nahi…..like building ke top floor se……..jaha se sab dikhta hai…..and people appear cheeti like….and roads appear straight lines like and cars appear small naphthalene balls like and….ok ok don’t dismiss my article…will start now....

Pehle sthaan par…its Reality TV shows…The latest rage aaj kal.....from Sach ka saamna to Rakhi ka Swaymvar to Bigg boss Triteeya…..it has been the ultimate corrosion of Indian Television….the most ironic facet obviously being that unlike their category of being ‘real’ they are as far away from reality as gets….to think that people would go on national television and bare secrets of an otherwise dead and buried past just to give cheap thrills to a sadistic audience….dunno doesn’t go well with me…neither does a drama queen staging an entire ‘hai meri shaadi hai’ act….(I actually watched the whole damn thing….and I don’t even like Rakhi!)…only to be left at the end by her making a mockery of us all…….and finally the Bigg Boss phenomena….I simply cannot gather what is soooo amazing about 14 people living in one house…..they fight, they crib and they have inflated ego’s…..in response…our poor janta goes and gives crores of votes to ‘support’ them….raises a big question in my head…..am I stoopid or is everyone just going cynical???....Whatever the case, if there ever is a ‘reality shows band karo’ aandolan I’m sure I would find myself somewhere in the lead protesting against these bhukkad log!


Following soon after is….Slumdog Millionaire…..Hate to sound repetitive but what’s the big deal??? Why is everyone going crazy about a guy who comes from slums and makes it big??.....the movie is full of people living in filth, poverty and misery….all that put into an hour an half of cinema and it has got a global audience raving……that’s probably what they want to see about us anyway…Hey!! Look at us Indians…We are soooo poor and exploited….I don’t say its not real but what captures in people’s mind is an image of India that is contrary to so many other positive things! Course it’s a matter of a lot of pride that hamare deshwaasi have brought in Oscar awards but isn’t all this simply because it was created by a foreign director? In my opinion there are a thousand other songs wayyyyy better than Jai ho. Plus there’s Miss Pinto to top it…two scenes of leharoing a laal dupatta and she is speculated to be the next Bond girl. Luck shining all the way!

Farmville- The minute I open my Facebook home page….what awaits me is a bundle of depressing green and brown colors and people eagerly brimming with….Hey look at my farm!! Look at my new plants!! I just gifted you two guinea pigs!! (Yayy me!!)... I could bet that 99% of the people on it have never even been in the vicinity of a real farm, let alone held a spade and toiled under the blazing sun to grow strawberries….and if I am to believe friends…they need to cancel all prior appointments just so they get home in time to water their plants….I don’t even know how to react to that!!!!


Katrina Kaif- Now don’t get me wrong… I think she is fabulous…perfect looks…perfect hair…..above average acting too.…all that is very well….but its the sheer volume of her presence that bothers me…for instance…tune into a news channel and you can see the news wala’s talking about her being the most Googled person….go to a theatre and all through the year there has been at leastttttt one movie with her in the lead….even down to commercials where she is endorsing everything from Lakme Sunscreen to Ponds to Veet to Pantene to Mango Slice…God! This woman is everywhere!!!


And finally its ZooZoo’s- If I have to explain to you what they are then you probably live in the jungle and are too busy gathering wood to build a bonfire so haven’t had the time to be up and about….however crudely put, they are weird white alien like creatures with egg shaped heads, pot bellies, and their voice is close to what normal people call ‘screeching’….the minute they supposedly talk, u need to put the TV on mute mode….dunno what went wrong with the pug to bring in these species…worst thing is everyone finds them soooo cuuuteee!!!! All of this year has seen them intruding spaces in TV commercials, hoardings, IPL matches…and looks like next year will have the same outcome….2010 ZooZoo Calendars!!! So aur 12 months jhelo! Bas isi ki kami thi!




That’s about all I have to seal the deal. Happy New Year!

Sunday, November 29, 2009

Overreact na kari!


I once read in the newsapaper of a Japanese company that has introduced a unique stress busting technique….here’s what they do….they have a room full of glass plates….now don’t ask what type of glass cos I dunno…but its the breakable one….so if any employee is really really mad for any reason…boss ne shout kiya, biwi ne ghar se nikaala etc…then all he has to do, is go to that room and break as many plates as he likes…that way all the negative energy comes out on the poor plates….a little tod-fod and ur good as new…they say...this way mental stress won’t hamper employee productivity….Hmm interesting…. And a bit weird actually.

I went for a blood test today and I couldn’t help thinking that if inflicting pain on people and things is the way to cut stress, then the lab folks must have a pretty satisfying job….for instance, their job mainly involves sticking needles in people’s arms, and not needle stabbing alone, after that they suck out a good 10 ml of blood and to make the revenge more wholesome, further inflict pain on your wound by rubbing it with a horrible smelling piece of cotton (smells a bit like Bru ice cappuccino- Got it free on an ice cream so that’s how I know)

In my judgment, there are basically 4 kinds of people who come to get their blood test done….and this I mean is based on their behavior


1- The Maun Vrat types- they just shut their eyes and pretend like the whole world is at peace. Aha! Dalai Lama! Their hemoglobin is probably 15-20 bcos of which they are sooo tranquil….forget nervousness, they don’t even care if they are just getting a prick or the nurse is carving an entire dotted design on their arm….and when the whole process is over and they are asked to open their eyes, they have an almost mournful expression….like oh nooo…neend se jaga diya!

2- The Needle phobic types- Those are the ones that go frenzy just by the sight of a needle….and may I say, the cry and scream and shout reflects an exceptionally high decibel level. To get a blood test done for them is a horror and probably the thought of taking one keeps them up for a couple of nights in advance. Mostly accompanied by friends and family for moral support

3- The Funny expression types- They are generally a bit hyper….although they don’t say much….their expressions are very interesting….when they look at the needle, their eyebrows shoot high up…almost touching their hairline….when its stuck in their arm, its difficult to tell whether they are laughing or crying and when the ordeal is over, its… hffffffff….like they have just fought the biggest and hardest battle of their life.

4- And the last of the lot….The Curious types- By these species I mean, they ask a lot of questions….which flow in the following order
Ø Is this a fresh needle (and that is after seeing the nurse tear it from a packet) ….(No beta, I actually put these injections in the fridge and I didn’t want it to smell of pyaaz and tamaatar…that’s why I put it in a sealed plastic cover. Thik kiya na maine?)
Ø Are you going to put it in my hand now? (Yep! Smile and say cheese!!!)
Ø Will you remove the blood now? (Haa jaanemann! Grr! Tum mujhe khoon do, main tumhe azaadi dungi!!)
Ø Finish? Shall I go now? (Nahi nahi jaldi kya hai. Araam se chaai naashta karke jaao!)

Makes an interesting tamaasha I say. Hope you don’t have to be in this situation, but just in case you land up sometime, then it’s what you could look out for amidst an otherwise drab environment!

Friday, November 27, 2009

Bend it 360!

MBA- the premier professional course that teaches you analytics in business management. Now I don’t have a business of my own or any use whatsoever of the degree itself but… I still wanted to do it. Why? No reason at all. Ae-wai!
And in spite of resistance from other parties, I managed to convince them to letting me have my way. That being done, the form was filled and the fee paid. Between me and the exam there was just one glitch….8 compulsory classes that I needed to attend to be eligible to write the exam.

Initially, 8 classes didn’t seem like much at all. All that I needed to do was attend 3 lectures in a day (They were of 2 hours each….That, I didn’t know!)

Now I have lived in Chennai for the last 4 years and can understand a decent amount of Tamil….come here…go there…do this…do that….ye sab I can manage… but when it comes to understanding Economics and Accountancy in Tamil, my limitations give way….Essentially, its an English medium course, but the lecturers being over- enthusiastic want to be more ‘expressive’. At least that’s what one lecturer told me when I couldn’t answer a question she had asked, and on explaining to her that I hadn’t understood a single word of what was spoken in the last two hours, she said….. ‘Ayyo!! I want to explain properly that’s why I talk in Tamil. Why didn’t you tell me from first only ma. Na rumba sorry!’ Hmm….its ok aunty!

After two days of staring at the playground and drawing aimless designs in my notebook, when I couldn’t stand the torture any further, I decided enough was enough and as soon as the next lecturer entered, I told him to be so kind as to talk in English.
Any normal person would have complied…but naa ji naa…this guy instead of heeding to my request, started shooting questions which were of the following nature-----
1-Why don’t you understand Tamil?
2-Where are you actually from?
3-Where in Mumbai do you live?
4-What language do u speak at home?
5-Why don’t you know Marathi then?
6-Where are you living in Chennai? (complete address)
7-Where do your parents live?
8-After completing your MBA, will you go back to Dammam?
And if the question answer session itself wasn’t enough, he went on to tell me that he had been to Mumbai 2 months ago (with the exact date!!! Hello what am I going to do, by knowing that???) and saw the Taj Hotel and Gateway of India. ‘Have you seen it? Do you have relatives in Mumbai?’ ………All this he said at the top of his voice in front of an entire class of roundabouts 60 students! I hadn’t made a single friend in all of those 3 days and now he had blown away the minutest shred of a chance I had….needless to say...everyone hated me….a girl even said… ‘These NRI’s, what do they think of themself?’…..in Tamil…assuming I couldn’t understand….but unfortunately, thatttt I figured word to word :(

When the nosey lecturer finally got underway teaching his subject, it was in one hundred percent Tamil!!!!....I was purely dismayed. And to think I had staked my entire reputation for this! Mental note- Next time just shut up!

Never before in my life have I felt so unwelcome in a place. Never before have I not been able to make friends….of the few people whom I spoke to, they talked to me in English giving the impression like I was being accommodated…with the best intentions, I don’t deny….but all the same it was a compromise. And never before have I felt so helpless for being in an alien land whose people I didn’t like and whose preferences I didn’t share.

Bottom line- As a total misfit in such an environment and with 3 more classes to go, I just hope the degree I get at the end of this adjustment period is actually worth it!

Sunday ho ya Monday, roz khaao Ande!

I do love cakes and soufflés but eating the actual yellow and white gol gol thing (oval oval, rather) doesn’t really go well with me. That however, doesn’t have any effect on my egg making ability…don’t intend to brag, but I can do a pretty decent job with scrambled eggs and omelet’s (C’mon lets face it…how difficult is it anyway?)

So when I was asked to make a bolied egg, I didn’t think it was a big deal at all. Waise bhi, karna hi kya hai? Put it in water, light the stove and let it boil. Easy!!!
But as you may have understood from my past muddles, it obviously didn’t turn out to be thaaaat easy. You see with me in the picture, it’s a minor miracle if nothing goes wrong.


Right…so let me start the brand new tale….after taking up the grand egg making responsibility, the first thing I tried to do was… get advice from jaane maane log about how it is made….and whoever I asked, came up with the exact same reply…..Just boil it ….????.....Arey that to even I know….but how to ‘just boil it’…. I mean kitna paani…what temperature….for how long….etc.
The thing is, I had always taken egg boiling for granted… all these technical aspects never entered my mind…anyway….after getting the relevant details I got started with my assignment….lighted the stove….put one big mug of water…put the egg inside and let it boil for 5 minutes……and after 5 minutes of waiting…Tadaaaaa…Done!

It turned out great…just like a normal boiled egg should turn out….no major disaster…chalo Mubarka!...and I thought… I can make this everyday! In fact, I can even put it down on my résumé under the head culinary skills….So very enthusiastically, I offered to make it the next day as well….same process repeat repeat…..this time however,……apparently I had tried to stretch my good luck too far so the elastic broke and enter the…. hhhh…. ‘disappointment’ word…cos when the majestic white shell was popped open, it was completely uncooked…and there….....all my chamkaaoed impression went paani main….that too for no fault of mine….. I mean….I had done everything exactly the same as the previous day so obviously there must be some problem with the egg….but then again… who is going to believe that?? Oh well! Ye to hona hi tha! :(

Saturday, November 21, 2009

Starbucks



From Sophie Kinsella’s Shopaholic series to The Devil wears Prada, there’s one brand that has been endorsed in a magnitude that would make you think it has a cult following across the globe. Yep, a lot of people’s daily addictive quotient- Starbucks coffee.

So needless to say, after the lofty image I held of the place, I was pretty thrilled to be in it and the ambience didn’t let me down one little bit. With shining glass cases of great looking food, long stool like chairs and comfy couches… I thought…wow what a warm place….and since the place is so good the coffee must simply be mind-blowing…..expectations rising three-folds.

We proceeded to the counter for the order and looking at the long list of stuff available with even more long drawn prices, the three-fold expectation doubled to…well six-folds…...I took for myself a sandwich and café latte….beats me why they keep such fancy names that people have trouble pronouncing…you try to say it and it comes out all wrong….I for one find it pretty embarrassing….Besides, What’s wrong if you call it hot coffee with milk???

Anyway so that being done, the order arrived in jet-speed….Chalo so far so good.
Now the reaction-
First the coffee- To be blunt, it was horrribbleeeeee…….soooo kadwaaa!!Yuck Yuck Yuck! But I refused to believe something could be wrong with the coffee….How can it be bad?? Arey Bhaai its Starbucks!!…so I blamed it on myself….maybe I had just brushed my teeth so I was finding it bitter….no problem…got a second sachet of sugar and inverted it into the cup as well……same reaction….Brr..Yuck!..Made all my senses wide awake….How can people drink this damn thing???? And if they drink it the way I am, are they oblivious to the word ‘diabetes’??.....And to think I spent so much on it….mental sob sob….ab kya kare….ok told myself ki kindly adjust…and to take my mind off the coffee I tried the sandwich……..

Coming to the sandwich- From past experiences and miscellaneous people’s advice I have learnt not to order stuff that I’m not so sure about…keeping that in mind, I had picked from among the options the one that seemed most normal…the name I do not recollect but the content read chicken and cucumber….and I thought… Fair enough…how wrong can it go?? Nope nope! Galat again!....In my entire sandwich eating career- which is pretty elaborate cos its what I used to take to school everyday as a kid….so that’s 12 odd years of clowny combinations…..never until that day did I know that something so simple and basic could turn into such a disaster. The cucumber factor turned out to make the whole package sweet and what started as a healthy breakfast left me short of wanting to throw up.

To put it all in a nutshell, I was pretty disgusted….Am not a huge fan of coffee and Starbucks didn’t turn out to be my cup of tea either. Next time I guess it’s just got to be Madras filter coffee or Nescafe Classic for me.

Friday, November 20, 2009

Drone away with Drona


You know there are times when you watch a movie’s first promo and irrespective of the sweat and tears and years and decades that have gone into making it, you just shake your head from left to right and think…..nope nahi chalegi!

Drona was one such movie. Not a single person I know went to watch it and when a movie buff friend of mine asked the group if we would like to watch….a glare from all of us was enough to speak our mind. And in spite of all that when its worldwide TV premiere showed up, I very faithfully watched the entire crappy thing until my eyes could take it no longer and snapped shut into a disturbed sleep. You must probably be thinking….was she that desperate to watch a movie?? Wellll, I have no answer to dat :$
This here is not a review of the movie… mainly cos u must have already read its wholesale main buraai in the newspapers. No, this is a little more….giving them a moral back up is more like it….. to say…don’t worry Abhi bhayya hum tumhare saath hai.
Here’s presenting you something different. 5 reasons why you mustttt watch the movie- Here goes. (Wanted to write 10 but didn’t get past 6 so giving you 5 plus ek bonus for paying itna attention to me rattling nonsense. Mera nahi, it’s my friend’s idea)

1- Its good for your hindi- Drona, my friend, has the ultimate upyog of shudhhh hindi. And its so hi-fi that you might doubt yourself to be watching the Sanskrit version galti se (as if the hindi version wasn’t a galti by itself). Have a party at home and can’t think of lateshhttt tongue twisters??? Tension na lo ji. Here is your resource. Pick any dialogue at a random and it will surely do more good than kaccha paapad pakka paapad.

2- Wowwiee kya costumes- Jagmag Jagmag!!! The most pressing issue in today’s time is energy conservation. Tune in to any news channel and they will confirm it for you. So what do you do now?? Nahi pata?? Ok ok main hi bata deti hoo- wear these jhataak Drona waale clothes. Ek to you will tohoootally stand out and still better you don’t even need to turn on the lights. The light energy will just emnate from within you…..I know, I know… your personality itself is enough to do that. But try this. Just for me ok :)

3- Udti Udti Zulfeinnn- We have seen hundreds of thousands of Bollywood starlets lagaoing thumkaas with fans blowing their hair in every direction. But how many times did we see that happen to a guy?? Hardly ever. DRONA…the movie that has made a breakthrough and set a mark on treating the less fairer sex at par with the ladies! Don’t believe me?? Look at the poster of d movie! Abhi bhayya ka long hair… so long ki he even needs a hair-band so it won’t get messed up and itnaaa shiny straight ki u need to wear sunglasses just to cut the glare.

4- Singing JLT- JLT bole to Just Like That (thought maybe you won’t know). Yeah to expand further on this technical point, we know people singing in bathrooms, we know people falling in love and singing under trees…we even know annu malik singing..annu malik is the best…annu malik is only one….nobody is like annu malik etc. etc.…(????)….but have you heard of singing just by the mere look of a doggie dressed in a frock?? Nahi na??? Here is your world best chance. Why spend money on Sri Sri Ravi Shankar or Art of Living or Yoga when true inner happiness actually comes from looking at dressy dogs?? Waat an idea Sir ji!

5- Advertisement waalo ki life kaunu life naahi hai kaa??- If people have told you that the movie is incomprehensible and plain ridiculous then its all been created that way for a reason…so you can pay close attention to the commercials (kuchhh to dekhne jaisa hona chahiye na)….they put you in a position where you actually look forward to seeing them and if it wasn’t for this magnificent piece of art I would have never known ki Vaseline ka 100 ml bottle par you get 13 Rupees ka Pears saabun muft!!! How cool is that!!!!

6- This is the bonus point that you deserve as a reward for your perseverance- Animation- Ye to sacchi genuine reason hai. Abhi bhayya is trapped in a Lakshman rekha of fire…..you give a horrific expression and cover your mouth……hhhh u say…..but he being the macho man with flying hair….does some zoom zoom and meditation and Voila! Aag becomes thanda….evaporates… and becomes sand and suddenly he is in the middle of a desert. Chalo jo bhi hua… jaan bachi so laakho paaye. Ram Gopal Varma should have picked up a thing or two from here.

Ye sab sunne and dekhne ke baad I’m sure you will race to your nearest DVD store and get the first pirated CD that you can lay your hands on (relax nobody will sue you)….itminaan se listen to chintoo bubble gum ka ads and breathtaking graphics…..Hail!! Drohohoooohooooonaaaaa. Mat ro na. Please! :)

Friday, November 6, 2009

2 States by Chetan Bhagat- Book Review



This comes as the story of a love marriage attempting to unite in Holy Matrimony, Krish Malhotra (a Punjabi munda- matlab the smart and macho hero) and Ananya Swaminathan (a Chennai ki kudi- matlab the fair and lovely heroine). The story commences with the guy and girl hitting on a note of initial takraar and after some intezaar, they finally do ikraar. What follows is a breezy romance unto the time they plan to get married.

But if it was that simple, the story wouldn’t have come about. So just like any other drama, the bottleneck comes in when both sides of parents need to be convinced. You might think the two could just elope….especially this being the express generation where everything happens fataafat….but nope….in this regard the modern couple have puraane khayalaat....so thus triggers an attempt of Krish trying to woo the lady’s parents by staying in Chennai for six months (!!!) and sucking up to them in every imaginable way…..
At the other end, there is Ananya who needs to pataao Krish’s mom,(source of unending emotional atyachaar), who by the way totally looks down upon all ‘Madrasis’. To her, any Madrasi girl is the equivalent of Hema Malini or Sri Devi trying to snatch at the earliest an educated and ‘fair’ guy.

In the background you get a vivid picture of the Chennai ka culture that mostly involves a conservative society……..greatly values knowledge, rises at 5 in the morning every single day of their life and eats bland food dipped in oodles of sambar. In contrast, there is the Punjabi culture where food holds more sentimental value than anything else…..its all they seem to care about, and off course… splurge is the word when it comes to weddings.

All this blended together brings to you the flavor of 2 States.

My take- Priced at just 95 bucks I think it’s a total paisa vasool. The humor is at its best in Chetan Bhagat’s signature style. It’s a stereotype plot in a ‘new and improved’ package.
Rating- 4 on 5
(Don’t want to take any credit away from it, so the book was cool, but I still like Tushar Raheja better!)

Sunday, November 1, 2009

Pravachanists

By Pravachanists, I mean college lecturers. Now irrespective of the type of student you are, there always are categories of lecturers you like, don’t like and simply can’t stand…..this gets further inflamed when you have to face the undesirable on a regular basis. Here’s my take on the different types of lecturers that I have known to exist....

First up, the Stern chashmish types- These are a serious kind of species. They take their profession in a vigorous way…….their subjects mainly being application oriented (i.e. math or accounts), give problems as ‘homework’ on a regular basis and if that’s not bad enough, they even call roll numbers at random asking unknown and unheard of formulae. Any form of back answering or late aana qualifies as a serious offence to them and if you are in the mood for an argument you better save it, unless you want a dose of Khudko bohot issmart samajhte ho??? Not only is chain se sona in their class out of question, on the contrary, you constantly dwell in the fear ki God pleassseeee aaj mera number na aaye!


Next is the chilled out- Mujhe-apna-dost-samjho types- These are by far the best of the lot and liked by majority of the student community….simply because they totally connect with our dukh dard and understand what a pain it is to be on time for a grilling lecture when instead you could be in the canteen drinking coffee and doing gupshup with your buddies. Even the subjects they take up are of a lighter sort, that involve plenty of class interaction…all in all you actually learn something positive when they are around.


The Pangaa-bhaari-padega types- Initially its difficult to identify them because they just come, teach and go…….all you need to do is shut up in class….but things take a sudden turn when you plan to behave otherwise…..you say something…or just ask a mere doubt and they take it very personally……..Mere ability par shak kar rahe ho!!!.....and then what follows is pretty nasty……although your query is answered in a mean tone, you get glared by them in every lecture thereon, and all their mann ki bhadaas comes out in the forthcoming exam……they are extremelyyyy dangerous and messing with them is a potential risk.


The You-are-the-worst-batch-types- These types are available wholesale main….all they do most of the time is crib…..they term you as the worst batch ever and ironically your seniors would recall them being called the exact same…either times are getting worse or they have set their dialogues to a standard mode……what they talk in class is simply painful to stand and they most often qualify as the target of mass bunking.


The hunchback types- These are the lazy ones who make it very clear right from start that you need them for your attendance more than they need you…….they teach whatever suits their convenience without caring much about whether you have heard, let alone understood. Your well being matters very little and the lesser you see of them, the better you feel.


And finally, the Naya Panchees types…. aka Student’s Delight- These are generally first time lecturers and so inexperienced on ways to tackle a class….even better is the fact that they want to chamkaao their impression with the students (instead of the situation being otherwise)…..They rarely ever say no for a free period, but in times when they do teach, either its too good or too bad……more often being the latter….the content of their teaching is mainly a portion of the syllabus that has been rattofied from the text book and then vomited in class. Considering them as first timers and of a meherbaan nature, you can dismiss them as average.


That’s about all the enriching fortune I have managed to gather from past experiences.

10 most bakwaasest soap operas!- PART 2

For PART- 1, click here

And after jheloing the first round of entertainment ke naam par black dhabbaa’s ur back for yet another dose. Here’s the hoop once again-


At number 6, its Sansani- I do think of it as a soap opera. For one thing it has absolutely no utility value and the suspense factor is amazing. The host is one scary person with a booming voice and the way he constructs the situation is just wow. For something you don’t care two hoots, like a cow in the middle of the road or some Gyaani Baba on a maun vrat in Kerala for 4 months, he can make it look like some world ending ghatnaa and thus providing fuel for mileage that lasts an entire hour.
My Take- Trash!
Pathetic Rating- 10/10


7- Kis Desh Main Hai Mera Dil- And I have picked this one solely on the merit of its title. What is it supposed to mean? If it was kis ladke ke paas hai mera dil…..then at least it would make some sense…..but kis desh main??? Dunno. Yeh to national crisis maalum hota hai.
The plot- Ahh. Same stuff. Do you care?
My Take- Flop Flop!
Pathetic Rating- 9/10



8- LOC- Life Out of Control- By far the most thakela comedy show I have ever seen.
The plot- An Indian and a Pakistani family live together and have routine trivial issues that they fight over in a real shoddy way. At the end of each episode they just patch up n be friends like old times……always giving a moral about Indian-Pakistani bhaai bhaai……I think they assumed the audience to comprise mainly of kindergarten kids…
My Take- Amateurish
Pathetic Rating- 11/10


9- Tez Taare- This isn’t a soap opera like the others….. It’s a horrorscope show that features on Aaj Tak everyday and tells your bhavishya by looking at your Raashi…plus in between the show the host gives you a mythological story ekdam freee. About her,……..all I can say is… I have never seen a person with worse dressing sense and her entire persona itself is enough to freak you out completely…….so if she says ghar se bahar mat nikaliye….u better take it very seriously…….lock yourself in the bathroom as an extra measure….you never know!
My Take- Fullto timepass
Pathetic Rating- 8/10 (Arey at least its amusing)



And finally at No. 10, its Woh Rehne Wali Mehlon Ki- Waah! Kya title hai! Coming straight from the Rajshree Production house, this one unfortunately doesn’t have a hero named ‘Prem’.
The Plot- From what I know, started with Rani as the protagonist, then came her daughter Pari (played by the very same girl who played Rani), and then came HER daughter…..also named Rani (No surprise! Also played by the same lady who played Pari!) ……kuch samajh main aaya….so now if u want to know kaunse number ka generation is going on, all u gotta do is find out the name of the current heroine…that is, is it Pari or Rani and do a counting of odd or even numbers. Social messegwa ke saath saath math tutorial freee!!!
My Take- Too Good hai ji!
Pathetic Rating- 10/10


There are still more that I can add to the list especially from the K wagon but I guess fair justice has been done and this is it. Bottom line- Do yourself a favor and don’t everrrr everrrr watch any of the above mentioned stuff……even if you are bored to the ultimate extent, even if you have absolutely nothingg else to do except stare at a leak in the ceiling, even if it’s the onlyyy thing on TV! DON’T!

Tuesday, October 27, 2009

10 most bakwaasest soap operas!- PART 1

The remote control is definitely the most coveted and fought over commodity in our houses today because it holds the key to doing fokat main timpeass.
If it wasn’t for TV, how would we ever know that the world is full of scheming saasumaas and adarneeya God fearing bahus always willing to give their agnee pareeksha?? …..and the moral always being…..sachaai ki jeet hoti hai betaaa. Bringing to you the top mosttttt pakao soap operas that I have witnessed in recent times

First up, Balika Vadhu- if your Hindi is not so shudh then I could translate it for you- Balika I think would mean a girl and Vadhu would mean bride. Clear hai? I hope so cos after the title what follows is impossible to understand, let alone translate. But fear not my faithful audience! I bring to u every tit bit inkling of what made the teeniest sense to me.

Here’s the plot- A Rajasthani household (I think), where hamari pyari Anandi (matlab the heroine) gets married at the kacchi umar of about 12 yrs (again I think) and her saasra (matlab sasural) has the dreaded daadisa (matlab her pati parmeshwar ki daadi) who is an egoistic menacing lady, ordering everyone around……..anything she sez is patthar ki lakeer and needs to be obeyed without a whimper. And if her atyaachaar and the baal vivaah ka issue itself is not enough to sahofy, then there is still some more depressing stuff addressed here like some sugna jeeji ka gauna (shaadi)….and consequent re- gauna and what not……..even the background music is sooooo killer ki you almost feel like punching the screen…….the most amusing thing however is that this serial is reported to have the highest TRP for sometime…..that was before hamari bechari Rakhi ka Swayawar came around (more about miss sawant later).
My Take- I can’t stand the show and if you have seen it and think otherwise, then I really think your maasa and baapusa need to get you some mental help!
Pathetic Rating- 10/10- Ghani khamba (they keep saying it at the end of every meeting…God knows what it means)


2- Kyuki Saas Bhi Kabhi Bahu Thi- This show I think is responsible for starting the trend of what we now call mind- corroding K serials.
The plot- Considering that it went on for over 3 to 4 generations of the Veerani khaandaan, I don’t even know where or how to start. A family drama that makes no sense whatsoever……people die of a car crash (their body is never found….but their wallet always is…without any money off course)…….disappear for a good 2 months (that’s when they miraculously appear in other serials and when those don’t work), they then come back, claiming to have lost their yaaddash! Oh and the sar pe patti is absolutely mandatory.
And how can we forget Tulsi aunty…….the abhinetri who has redefined Indian soaps in so many ways……she is the perfect maa, behen, bahu, beti, daadi, par daadi, par daadi ki daadi, devi, whatever, whatever (if I have missed any other significant relation then please menu maaf kari)…….and then there’s Baa (who is just about 300 to 400 yrs old)…..and with every progressing generation, her baalo ka wig gets more n more whiter and brighter…….yayyyy Rin…safedi ki chamkaan….maybe Rin was one of the praayogak of this serial
My Take- Shooooo Shweet!
Pathetic Rating- Aasmaan se saare tare tod loo tab bhi kam padenge. But to humor you- 20/10


3- Maata ki Chowki- The name might suggest to you that it’s a dhaarmik serial, which is what I thought but apparently that’s not correct…and although I’ve never seen it…I can tell cos of the trailers saying….agley episode main dekhiye…..blah blahh.
The plot I assume – Vaishnavi….the heroine whose voice I can only term as ‘awful’ prays to devi maa all the time….and then in times of sankat……sometimes devi maa appears and gives aashirvaad and still better… at other times Vaishnavi herself becomes devi maa…..ok what is this yaar……nooo sense at all….who watches this stuff and why in the world do they even bother making it?
My Take- Wowwiee kya concept, kya imagination hai! Bhoolkar bhi mat dekhna!
Pathetic Rating- 9/10


4- Dill Mill Gayye- No, I haven’t made any spelling mistakes…the title itself is spelt like that….the numerologist must have said its shubh for them, but Alas! The tantar mantar’s have failed to rescue their doobti nayya….the leading lady itself has been replaced 3 times in the span of a little over a year….this comes as the hindi version of Scrubs plus ER plus Grey’s Anatomy all smashed into one….and well its pitiable to say the least…moves at a snail’s pace…the same dialogues over and over again……..the girl cries and d guy manao’s her…….repeat, repeat, repeat…..that’s about all the story it has.
My Take- Ghanta hai Boss!
Pathetic Rating- 9/10



5- Kahi to Hoga- Ok kahi to hoga but kidhar hoga and kab milega bhaai? Hmm some questions have no answers. Notice, this is the second K serial on the list. Congrats to Miss Ekta! Ye sammaan pane ke liye she must have done soooo much mehnat….deserves all the credit!
The Plot- kyuki saas ka stuff…..just copy and paste
But this time no tulsi aunty…instead there is miss kashish……aka makeup ki dukaan plus tears ki factory…..
My Take- Rehne do
Pathetic Rating- 9/10


The Next 5 bakwaasest to follow….. magarrrr break ke baad! In the meantime…answer this easy question……
Pinky ki shaadi kisse hoti hai….aapke options hai
a) bubbloo
b) tuploo
c) dubloo

Type kijiye pinky ki shaadi space aapka jawab aur jald se jald bhej dijiye 8888 par. Lines kuch hi samay tak khuli hai. Sahi jawaab dene waalo ko milega serial main pinky ki behen ya bhaai ka role!!!
Conditions apply*

Friday, October 16, 2009

Inexperience Shows!!!

Come October and the dimaag ki batti sez its time to go gift shopping for my little bro. (His birthday).
Now since I’m not so used to this shopping for guys thingy, I didn’t really know how and where to start. I tried to figure what he would like to have or rather what was most convenient for me to get him and didn’t create any exchange wala pangaa in future.

So to begin with, I thought I must first have a plan…..i.e….kya buy karooo……and among the various options were……

Perfume...Problem! I happen to know just one good guy wala brand that I chipkaao everyone with but that was given to him quite recently…..so what will he do with the same thing over and over?……. Getting another brand would mean a lot of sniffing at the shop…..which would then culminate into a headache and the premise of inconvenience would be totally smashed………soooo perfume chalked out

Then I thought- Shades……they look cool and aren’t super expensive……but then again… How do I know it will suit him? Suppose it doesn’t?? Sabb waste! Too risky- Next!

Third, and the easiest option- A shirt. I know the size, I know the color and he loves clothes too……Super!… All set and the only thing needed now was to go to a nice shop, find a shirt that fitted the mental picture in my head, bring it to the counter, pay for it n yalla khalaas.....Oh n gift wrapped too…almost forgot that….Easy!
That’s what I thought. But nope!! Huuuuge mistake. Here’s why-

First things first, I had to pick the venue and City Centre it was. Why?- Dunno. Everyone goes there…and if so many people go then surely there must be some good stuff in it right?
Enter Lifestyle. Great shop n I’ve been there tons of times (just not for the same reason)…….so no trouble finding my way….. down to business without wasting any time….the ‘Men’s section’….that’s where I headed and what came across was a really sad picture…sooo many cothes all stacked up and hundreds of people pulling them out of everywhere……..and that’s when it struck me….ohhh diwali season hai!! (Damn! Why didn’t I think of it before)…..almost thought I’d come in some other day but then….birthday to postpone nahi ho sakta na plus ive come itniiii door so might as well get the task done…..and so started the great hunting expedition…..I took a peak at everything that was white ( the color I wanted) and since there weren’t too many I even compromised for almost white…i.e…..beige, cream, off white etc….but nope…nothing…….so I thought ok change in plan….different color…black……searched again……same result…nothing.

Now I must tell you this, I found it highly strange……guy clothes have so little variation. Either plain or checked or striped…..and even the colors are so few....given this, how do they stand out on the merit of their clothes alone? It’s so much easier for girls. Loadssss of options…..from a fiery red dress to a flowy skirt to something short….getting someone’s attention is a piece of cake!...Guess its true when they say its difficult to live in a man’s world.

And yeah returning to current track, after a good half hour of searching, a sales girl came in to help and enquired if I was looking for formal or semi- formal shirts (!!! They come in 2 types? Kisi ne mujhe pehle kyu nahi bataaya? No wonder they all looked so drab). So I went on to the semi formal section in great spirits but it was more or less the same thing again- plain, stripes, checks…the only difference here was that the sleeves were rolled or had buttons on the sides or funky collars…..the colors were a lot better too……but nothing appealed….maybe all the good stuff was picked up by the people who came in before me (Diwali ko bhi abhi aana tha!)

So dropped the pursuit of a shirt…….next time maybe……change of strategy……searched for wallets instead…..this time I was luckier…….there was a huuuge showcase like thing full of wallets in various fabrics or texture or whatever its called and after a careful analysis when I finally found the right one and just when I was starting to feel a little happy inside…………my happiness bubble broke…..because when I turned around, a little way off there was another huge showcase full of them n usse thodi door yet another……..all with different brands each……..???....... Why can’t they put it all in the same place? How will people know it’s all over the floor? Made me feel pretty dumb…….like Mr. Bean or something……anyway just picked the wallet I selected and ignored all the other shelves…………..
Mental note- Never go to Lifestyle again!

Hamare Senior Citizen Netaji's

An ode to our politicians!

A question that bothers me- Why are they all so old? Maybe because the younger folks are into building their respective careers and samaaj seva finds its positioning on their agenda only after hitting retirement.

Ok so age is just a figure, but that leads on to the next question- Why is their ability of extempore speech so poor?

Just a couple of days ago I happened to catch Manmohan Singh’s speech on TV and this is what I made of it- incoherent and painfully slow! And to put it in a still better way I didn’t understand a single word of what he said. Even more ironic is the fact that the person who is the face of a good 2 billion people cannot even deliver a speech by looking into a camera….let alone facing the people. And it’s the same on all occasions….a pre written speech that’s read cover to cover irrespective of the topic in question n in case of a press conference… when asked questions, the answers are sooo slow….each word tastefully savored… to the extent that by the time 2 words have left his mouth, u’ve almost nearly forgotten the question itself!

And I do not say that he is a bad politician…in fact he is more educated than most others…the leading guy behind the 1991 Economic Reforms and former Finance Minister too. All that is very well but does that make him good enough to represent our country? When he cannot look in our face and talk to us, how is he going to hold talks and path breaking negotiations with President’s from other countries? Almost all foreign leaders have just one thing to say about him- he is a very good and honest man- but what good is that??? (They probably like him bcos he’s too timid and will agree to everything they say) Isn’t sharp, dynamic n charismatic a few other qualities needed to make the cut?

Yet another vibrant flower in our select bouquet is Madam Pratibha Patil- the President of our country….n I don’t blame you for in case u didn’t know that….. Because in all her tenure, she doesn’t have a single outstanding achievement to her credit. Most people at the time of her nomination, had predicted her to come in as a puppet and, well, all that can be said is…she has played her part to perfection… except for seeing her at the swearing ceremonies of Ministers…..sporting fluorescent orange and green sarees or saluting our National flag, there isn’t a single other thing that stands out about her… for all the people who say a woman at the top can be no good… she has taken the pain to actually go all out and prove them right.

Sonia Gandhi!- Yess I like her. At least she has some visibility and is fairly agile. She probably even is the woman who has the reins of the Prime Minister and President in her hands….or so it appears… and of all the oldie political crowd, she seems like the only person with an ounce of possessing at least a few of the requisite leader-like traits.

On the BJP Opposition Dias- I don’t even know who is the one leader of their team- they just seem to come in white dhotis and fight all the time for who will be the leader when in actual fact they haven’t even won the election!
But even when they did have power in their hands with Atal Bihari Vajpayee as their candidate… there were certainly no breakthroughs that I can recollect…only communal discord is what comes to mind… and when there were clips of George Bush taking his dog n going for a jog, our Indian media was covering Atal Bihari Ji limping into a session of the Parliament and at a pace where you could span out the camera to air a commercial n get back just in time to have seen him cover a good 10 spaces and enter the building. Classy, I say!

And then there’s the adorable Lalu Prasad Yadav who gets everyone’s attention and whatever be his background, ..…he did manage to bring a profit to the Railways….for a Government holding in India…… that sure is an incredible feat.

Last on the list is Rahul Gandhi- the media’s favorite. Although he isn’t on the old folks ka list, a guy over 40 yrs doesn’t qualify for youth either….but unlike others at least he is taking the trouble to go to poor people’s localities and do some good…..even if it is just a publicity stunt. Most people reckon him to be the future face of India. How much further is this future nobody wishes to say in concrete terms, but from the current scenario and past track record, doesn’t look like its going to be a good 10-20 years from now.

The older, the wiser I suppose!

Friday, October 9, 2009

Himesh Ji

This one is dedicated exclusively to Himesh Reshamiya. Why? Because this guy has got guts man!!! After consistent flops and sooo much be-izzati from the media, he’s still back…unruffled, unfathomed, unperturbed…(aur words bhi nahi aa rahe)…all that, and this time too, with a bang!
Caught the promos of his latest flick on tv- ‘RADIO’- that’s the name of the movie. Who would have thought of a title as creative as that?- One of a kind, never been used before and its so fresh and unique, that you can’t believe at all ki it’s a movie ka title! At least the first time you hear it. I personally thought that’s his new music album- That was until I read of it in the newspapers.

And if fine print is to be believed then it costs just 6 crore Rupees!! Taking you back in recent history, Aap ka Suroor made headlines for sweeping floors with a budget of 90 crores!-(it didn’t really sweep the floors, but that’s pretty close to what it did do). And with the naya RADIO, the music release itself has covered the cost- that’s even before the movie hat hit the screens- bole to aage profit hi profit!! Ye hui na baat! Way to go!
And I did listen to the songs- My opinion- bakwaas hai ji!- except the jaanemann wala number…which is pretty decent…..but how can you make a fortune on just one song? Dunno. Anyway so that’s the janta ka call. And at least this one doesn’t have a song called tandoori nights!!(Tandoori nights???? Hello? What is that supposed to mean??)

Talking about the man himself, he has evolved multifold over the last 3 to 4 years…..starting from a cheekoo (chubby) guy with a beard and moustache and the ever so famous cap……..I would have never thought he would make for a Bollywood movie ka hero material. Yeah Tamil or Telugu movies would have been a sure shot success….. But all that said, he did manage to emerge as a player if not a winner and NOW, may I say, he looks almost, almost nearly presentable! With a new hairstyle, no daadi n moochey, a few kilos shed (yoga maybe)……..apparently chakachaun and make up have done a lot to this man…….In his own words he says…I have an intense personality…..oooooo…..uhm..no comments!

Also a lot of actresses ka filmy career has taken off just courtesy this cap wala guy…Deepika Padukone to Hansika Motwani (ok maybe not taken off but at least now we know her name from outside of the tina girl of infamous soap operas) and….to add to the lot……hope the same goes for shenaz (dunno the surname) as well- (I do think she has a cute smile).
I wonder why established actresses don’t want to work with him….maybe they find it to risky for their career….or maybe playing along as his sweetheart raises serious questions about their taste. Even worse- What if they get linked up with him? That surely can’t be good!

And still more to come, there are 3 Himesh movie releases after RADIO that are lined up for the ever so eager Indian audience. Also, they are from producers and directors totally unheard of, but….. YES! they are coming alrite…..pakki khabar hai… It’s surprising that people are willing to invest so much on him. I guess they see in him a mahaan kalaakaar whose parakhna is yet to be done by critics which comes to a dismal majority of the population. Almost feels like saying- Sorry dude! Time kharaab hai!

Thursday, October 8, 2009

Cheeni Chopsticks

You know what chopsticks are right? Those 2 really thin and long wooden sticks that Chinese people use to eat their food with.
Well I don’t know how to eat with them and unfortunately neither do any of my friends so the best I’ve seen of them being used is obviously Chinese people eating at restaurants. And don’t get me wrong here- Its not like I stare at people when they eat their food or anything- I just sort of…by the way....noticed….know what I mean right?

So here’s the thing. How do they manage to eat all their food by putting it on two sticks??? And you are not even allowed to use the other hand. (Reminds me of tying the Saree ka pleats…which again I do not know how- speedily goes- up down, up down, up down and Voila!!! Done!)…. Ok coming back……Assuming they eat only Chinese food that must consist of …say, noodles and fried rice……noodles at least they can put it round and round the sticks and then put it in their mouth……but then what about rice?....How do they eat that? How does it stay on those sticks??? And even if it does stay it couldn’t be possible to get more than 5 to 6 grains of rice at one time…so wouldn’t it take really really long for them to finish their meal??? My opinion is that’s almost inflicting trouble upon self by eating like this. Most people in such situations might quit wholesome eating itself…….just because its so tiresome…..that’s probably why all Chinese people are of such a small build in the first place…..all alike….short, thin n really pokey straight hair….

But all that said, it does look pretty fashionable to eat with them and if I were to make a list of 10 things to do before I die (like I once saw in a movie), then I would totally put this down on my list…at number 9 maybe……and until then I’ll put the pair of them that I already have to some productive use…..like maybe tying my hair…..hee what can I say….looks cool!

Tuesday, September 22, 2009

Achhoo!!! I think that’s how you spell a sneeze

Ever noticed the way different people sneeze? It’s pretty interesting if you think about it-

# There’s a set of people who sneeze twice in quick succession…..acchoo…acchoo…and that’s it….. sorted………………….
# And then there’s the type who make it an elaborate ordeal. First their brain gives them d sneeze signal a good 10 seconds in advance- probably tells them……. ‘Hold it Bebe!’......so in response they go in a sudden statue mode, stop whatever they are doing……. and with much deliberation give a soft…choo… plus sniff sniff plus sad eyes plus I’m sorriieeee!.........
# And there’s still a third type of people who are more boisterous and prefer a pinch of drama. They just go… and without any warning………aaaachhoooooooooooo…… n the impact is so great and sudden that you almost drop everything you are holding that very instant!

Well that’s about sneezes but the real thing I want to talk about is- cold…..or common cold as we say it or nazlaa or zukhaam or sardiii….whatever you call it…….much the same thing……Now what you cannot deny is- everyone gets a cold once in a while….(even Queen Elizabeth maybe…that’s probably why she carries a purse…so she can keep tissues!)………. But when they are not affected by it, most people think of it as no big deal….for instance, if you call in sick for work and say its because you are down with a cold……..the boss almost gives u a condescending treatment….its like saying….. ‘I can’t come because I chipped the nail on my pinky little finger’……Even your colleagues would suggest later…. Arey why didn’t you just say you fainted yaar! Easy- No need to call also!

But well I do not understand. We have medicines for the most scary sounding diseases….cancer, leukemia….n God forbid still worse ones (can’t think of any other’s rite now)……..and in contrast there isn’t a cure for something so basic….y the name of the disease itself starts with the word ‘common’!
And you might think that there is all this D- Cold total n Vicks Action 500…..sardi sar-dard se aaraam….. whose commercials show the guy with a red nose to start with, n once the pill has been gulped down, he’s fit and fighting and even has a birthday bash for his kid. Nice! But might I tell you… its actually bakwaas…..and I have personally tried it……First of all- the cold didn’t go and Secondly, I got to know later that it causes the blood to get thinner n effects your brain….so I’m definitely not going that road again….and now that you are reading this, I suggest you don’t either.

Of the other options there is- Strepsils…tastes yuck yuck yuckkkk!!!! And you can’t even tell the difference between whether your throat feels bad because of the cold or the taste of medicine. And if these aren’t enough….everyone u come across is especially sympathetic to seeing the tissue in your hand and has a solemn piece of advice for you……ranging from d baaju wali aunty ka..…haldi wala doodh pee lo beta…….. to mom’s…..kaha than na thanda paani mat piyo!!! …..to drink garam garam beetroot ka soup (??? Beetroot ka soup? )…… to steam……. to a friend even suggesting- drink ‘joshanda’…bohot acha hai… I don’t even know what it is!!….sounds like egg boiled in Pepsi or something. Eww!

Basic conclusion I draw is just this- the doc community HAS to do something about it! And in the meantime I guess, the aam janta is just going to have to rub their twitchy nose and sulk and type out these frustrating posts on their blogs :(

Tuesday, September 15, 2009

IPL- Manoranjan ka Baap!

If commercials could be categorized under a head termed ‘lousy’, the Manoranjan ka Baap advert would definitely make the cut- n top notch I say. But that aside, the event by itself did prove, and unto most critics’ disappointment, to be the Big Daddy of Entertainment. With the glitterati event making a clean sweep of the Indian audience twice in less than two years, its created a larger than life status- a master stroke targeted at just the right nation.

And what flows from the above is my take on all the teeny little things that got the innocent mind’s attention. Before that- u mite like to know that my cricketing knowledge is highly questionable…I do know d basics but not much of d technical stuff… like pitch conditions or line n length or off side n on side…d likes…… but being a girl I guess that's ok…not expected from me anyway….n what follows is a bit over d top thinking… in other words...just b prepared …….u see d good thing is…here I get to call d shots ;)

Rite- Block-wise classification-

The Deccan Chargers- Them first, obviously because they were the champs. Max kudos to the Captain- Adam Gilchrist! In my opinion the bestttt captain of any of all the teams put together… humble n what's more, a winner all the way. On the whole I really think they played as one well knit team. N den there was Rohit Sharma (Pretty much the star and savior at many points in d game). Andrew Symonds…noooo I'm not a fan n I don’t even like him n he wasn’t even thaaat good but what got my attention (n d reason y I’m writing about him) was d white thing on his lips. Allll the time!! Every single match! Just out of curiosity I’d like to know what it was… fruity flavor? So when you run a lot n you feel hungry den u can jus eat d white stuff??... Or maybe some kind of tan protection… but do lips get tanned? Chapped- yes. But then again why white? Dunno. Beats me.

Next up, The Mumbai Indians- To begin with I think the name of the team itself is weird. I mean all the teams are Indian n have equal Indian-ness, den why this special Indians tag attached to d Mumbai walas? N the jersey wasn’t cool either. Jus plain, boring blue… About the team, apart from Sachin Tendulkar n Jayasurya I don’t even know who else was THERE. Lost out rite from d start n my guess is no one really missed them. Kuch latka jhatka kiya nahi naaa….maybe that's why. Just faded away

The Royal Challengers Bangalore- Whether it was Rahul Dravid ke ghar ka naya chiraag (he had a kid) or Anil Kumble…one of d 2, proved wayy wayyy lucky for the team. The coolest comeback I would think- plus Katrina Kaif who cheered for the team-about her, nothing much to say..orange suits her I suppose……. only not so cool was d team owner- Vijay Mallya, who for some reason gave d impression as if to say….'I don’t care how you win...jus get me baq my money!!!' n also never missing a chance to promote his formula one ka team…Hello!!! I thought we asked for cricket! Neway…vadde vadde log!

The Delhi Daredevils- I musttt say… I thought they had d best jersey n Daniel Vettori to go with it!! (mera fevrettt). Rite- focus. D team in my opinion really deserved to win… at least they had a killer performance at all d other matches but thenn- bad luck hi kharaab hoye den kya kar sakte hai. Virender Sehwag was good too. N I was reallyy glad to c that- (same to same birthday jo hai hamara). Almost thought he was nearing retirement.

The Chennai Super Kings- Lame name. Lame team. N still worse was d fact that in spite of being aware of this lameness I cheered for them rite up to d semis (that’s when they lost). Matthew Hayden was d only shining star… all the runs from d balla n d catches go to his credit… about everyone else… well they just seemed to b jogging around on d field n doing time pass… worst fielding ever!!!!!

The Rajasthan Royals- Enter Shilpa Shetty into the cricketing arena….d promotional song….personally I dint like it at all… but I guess its because it had all dose old zamaane ka mehels n ethnic stuff…back to d sport…great expectations… all came crashing to d floor….n frankly I dint mind it. To me, they were just extras n I was mighty glad to c their not so shaahi exit.

The Kings XI Punjab- I don’t quite get d name of d team in the first place…if it’s a king...then its gotta b one n if u have 11 den doom is definitely near…but they didn’t collapse easily though…not with Preity Zinta’s backing… she was awesome… from start to end n I actually wanted to see more of her than d team (what can I say…me a Bollywood fan na)….Well! ……And red jersey? For a cricket team? Strange! …..back to the team evaluation…. Yuvrajj Singh!...Seemed to b d angry young man on d field….unfortunately don’t remember any of d other players to comment much on them.


The Kolkata Knight Riders- Shahrukh Khan!!!! My heart really goes out for the poor guy…did everything rite except….well, buying the wrong team…..the promotional song was catchy (kodbo lodbo something somethinggg- don’t even know what it means), but the team…hmm consistent flop, flop n more flops :(
Maybe it was Sourav Dada ka prabhaav. Everything seems against him these days. Probably ‘Shaneey’ is really bhaari on him…n whatever happened to the cheerleaders… an entire TV show was dedicated to picking the rite ones for the team n they all jus went poof in smoke. Didn’t see a single Indian face on d squad…nothing seemed to work their way I guess…course d Mac Cullum guy did put in his best efforts to rescue the team at the end…. kintuuuuu parantuuuuuu…too little too late!


And no I’m not done yet…there were other things too….Mandira Bedi ka new hair cut (total no no)…Chang on d commentary club (if u don’t win a Crore of Rupees at d Indian Idol, no worries...there’s still scope for a far better future)….the Closing Ceremony (was pretty wowwiee)….Lalit Modi every now and then with his fancy lappie and boring updates…Miss IPL (she came, she went n nobody even knows her name!)….and the large multi-size Indian audience, who clung on to Set Max for a whole month or however long it was! Even the movie wala’s were put out of business by matches being telecasted at d multiplexes… sure says one thing about us……WE ARE A CRICKET CRAZY NATION!!!!

A Slice Of Mumbai!

Sez a somebody writer- You’ve got to see 2 things in Bombay- Bombay Rains and Bombay Girls.
But with d transition from Bombay to Mumbai, this cliché has been cut past. Now it’s everything rite down to the soul of Mumbai that you would have to be invariably inert to miss.
My post here is a round trip of the City that Never Sleeps in its quirky facets that the sight seeing folks might miss bringing across to you.


First up, Mumbai ka khaana- If you are a foodie, this is d place for you. Simple stuff- road ka vada pav, pani puri, paav bhaji, masttt cutting chaai….all of that… it all has a different flavor…(not eaten in d rite conditions, mite cause some issues with ur digestive system though), but then the experience is what counts right?.. bottom line …fabbb food.

Mumbai ka brand name!!- Isstyyle here at d janta level isn’t overdone…. Ranging from Fashion Street to Linking Road, where u get d choicest variety for d cheapest deal (anythingggg for a hundred bucks!!!). Yep thoda bargaining karna padega… with d thelewala ranting about – dhandaa is mandaa n market is thandaa, takes a bit of patience n practice... but its all worth it in the end. N to make u feel better u can walk away with 10 kurtis for d price of one designer wala (C’mon label kaun dekhta hai! N u can’t even wear d same dress to d same place more than once……Arey its uncool yaar!)

Next up, Mumbai ki local yatra- N by that I mean commuting-.…
With trains… from d world famous VT or Churchgate stations that take u through d length n breadth of d city in just about a snap……that too with minimal effort… u don’t even have to walk from d train to d exit….d crowd takes u d distance…all u need to do is stand! Convenient na? N if you are late den your set of ‘train friends’ will even cheer for u as in an Olympic final…‘jaldiii. Jaldiiii. Arey baba jaldiiiiiiiii!!’
N with d red color wala BEST buses (they r all new now), u have d blue shirt TT uncle who ensures u get a seat if you are a girl (sweet na) n time pass ke liye u even have d radio station that plays malishkaaaaaa or anirudhhh. Haven’t done any research but I don’t think buses elsewhere in India have that…as is implied….its all one step hatkeyy.

Mumbai ka language- Idhar rehne ka hai to aisa ij baat karna mangta hai! You cannot overlook this one. Mite b a little less classy or even sometimes rough for a conversation in polite company but it still is undeniably cute. With roadside taporis ka ‘kya re’ ……..d taxi drivers ka ‘zyada jhikjhik’ … d kaamwali baai ka ‘time khoti nahi karne ka’…….d lingo grows on you and you can’t help but smile.

Mumbai ka Indian wala spirit- Take a flight that lands u at Chatrapati Shivaji Antarashtriya Havaayi Adda n you'll know what I mean. D minute d aircraft door opens n a gush of warm breeze blows in your face, it smells like- well, India!.....have no other way to put it... u have to b there to believe it. N not just that... even in the theatres…d cheapest, d biggest, d bestest or the priciest… they all have one thing in common…no not Shahrukh Khan on their screen but I mean the Indian National Anthem…n I mite sound a bit patriotic or even dramatic here…but it gives a good feeling when everyone stands to it…an untold sense of equality.

Then, the Mumbai ki jantaaaa- U mite have d media portraying a bhaai type version of Mumbaikars who utter swear words at d drop of a hat and bajaao d happiness of people messing with them, but that's not really true.. well at least I haven’t seen it… what I HAVE seen and known is… outgoing n helpful people who don’t mind sparing a second to look out for u n if you’re infinitely lucky, then even getting you to your destination if u can’t find your way. Not everyone does that u know!

And finally my fevrettt- Mumbai ka star attraction- Nariman Point!! this here is one magical place…perfect location. perfect view…n any company is d perfect company…. ever walked barefoot on sand? If u haven’t, u musttt... (Make sure u keep your footwear in a safe place though)…there’s a very good chance that once u cum here you’ll fall in love with it (the place, not the shoes….!). You don’t need a foreign destination for rose colored vision.... this here is as good as any place can get- plus the local touch, minus the nostalgia. Worth a try, don’t u think?

Now that I’m running out of other things to say, here’s the gist for you- Pick a destination on the face of the planet…..from the spectrum of what’s likely to emerge thus, there’s one place, that breathes of a breed of people who’ve faced trying times………. come floods, come terrorists, come economic slowdown… it lives on… with the people flashing a smile and a die hard spirit, stepping to the rhythm of the beat…and may I say Sir, in style!.…….Yepp! The one place that’s got enigma…..a class apart...…Amchi Mumbai!